By MICHAEL WALTERS
Christina Aguilera gets her “Glitter” on in this standard issue rags to riches show business story full of second rate musical numbers and unintentionally hilarious dialogue. The ramshackle production shows from the very first scene where Aguilera is ostensibly a bartender in Iowa, but the set instead screams studio back lot.
She soon heads to L.A. but not before locking the door, putting a quarter in the juke box and indulging in some endless musical runs. Once there she stumbles upon the Burlesque club run by wise old Cher. In no time she gets a job as a waitress and muscles her way onto the stage through sheer force of will. Cher’s voice is starting to resemble an old water buffalo in heat, and years of plastic surgery have rendered all but her jaw virtually immobile. Aguilera gets to wear lots of skimpy costumes and indulge her dress up fantasies, but the songs are strictly second rate. And the dance numbers and choreography all seem like warmed over “Chicago” and “Cabaret” outtakes that pale in comparison to the originals.
Will Cher’s new star enable her to keep her club out of the hands of greedy developers? Will Aguilera fall for the metrosexual bartender, or the high class real estate mogul who’s been romancing her? Every single person in the theater already knows the answers to these questions. This is the kind of movie where the songs are shoehorned into the story in the clumsiest most awkward way possible. And the movie literally stops in its tracks just so Cher can remind the audience that Christina Aguilera isn’t the only diva on this stage. As far as Divas as Movie Stars movies go, it’s not quite as bad as all time greats like “Glitter” or perish the thought, “From Justin to Kelly.” But it’s bad enough.