Bernstein: Kick The Damn Ball, Already!

by Dan Bernstein–

The interminable lead-up to a Super Bowl is one thing. At such a comically outsized event, there is enough collateral silliness to pass the time beyond just football.

There’s the parade of dilapidated NFL has-beens telling you why the tumescent drug from their giant pharmaceutical company is better than the next, the B-list actors wanting to tell 25-54-year-old men all about their upcoming terrible movie, the local boxer from the host city who needs three handlers to feed him soup, pop-culture temp-celebs you think might interest you for a couple minutes, and unemployed coaches barely hiding their resentment and sadness as they smile too widely and chuckle too readily during uncomfortable interviews with sports-radio idiots.

In the two-week lag before an NFC divisional playoff, though, not so much.

Instead, we get all the material game discussion taken care of in the three days following the Seahawks win, and follow up by talking to a couple Seattle writers and broadcasters. Next news cycle sees a national dilettante setting the local agenda with press-conference grandstanding.

Fill that special section, boys! Advertising first, content second! Bears, Bears Bears! Make sure that in-segment read is done before the 4:00 hour! We’re talkin’ Bears!

Got it. Yes. Bears.

What injured players will be ready to gut it out on Sunday, and…what? There are no injured players? Oh.

The coach! Yes, the coach, whose oratorical brilliance captivates with every chance, engaging the fandom with insight and…um…hm.

How about the inscrutable Jay Cutler? There’s no way we could possibly have had our fill of the single most boring significant athlete in Chicago since Ryne Sandberg and Harold Baines were battling for that position. Let’s find out what makes him tick, publish weird pictures of him licking his face, and run video of him on the podium habitually scratching his back.

Want more Jay? How about glassy-eyed teammates giving rote answers to pat questions about him, and then whispering misgivings about him off the record? That’s always fun.

And we’ll find a few ex-quarterbacks with an average passer-efficiency rating of “Suck” to lecture about mechanics and leadership.

We could draw pointless comparisons between this year’s team and Bears’ playoff teams past, providing a string of undesired answers to wholly-unasked questions. In print, we can have this accompanied by preposterous, byzantine spiro-graphics! Yes!

And we would find ourselves in violation of some unwritten local statute if we did not invoke the 1985 team, somewhere, somehow. The ghosts of title past must be allowed to rattle their chains in celebration (or grumbling bitterness) as they haunt the proceedings.

I’m not complaining. Really.

Well, maybe a little, but there are few things I enjoy more than Bears football, and especially these meaningful playoff games. I’m mindful of how lucky I am to talk and write about it for a living in my hometown.

I just really miss Bears football.

bernstein 90x130 Bernstein: Kick The Damn Ball, Already!
Dan Bernstein has been the co-host of “Boers and Bernstein” since 1999. He joined the station as a reporter/anchor in 1995. The Boers and Bernstein Show airs every weekday from 1PM to 6PM on The Score, 670AM.
Listen to The Boers and Bernstein Show podcasts >>


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  • Jon, Montgomery

    KICK THE D.A.M.N BALL!! seriously! lets go! ;)

    i expect the bears to take this one…

    BEARS: 34
    SEAHAWKS: 23

    i also expect the packers to beat the over-rated falcons in the dome setting it up for what would be the most anticipated NFC championship game, probably in history.

    anyway, good luck to the bears, i’ll be rooting for them all the way.

  • AT3374

    Have to disagree with you slightly Jon, Montgomery

    Da beloved Bears 46

    Da Sea Hacks 10

    Da Bears

    Ditka…..sausages …Ditka

  • Katie

    Thank you; very well said. I find myself roaming the dial and putting down the sports section more during the lead up to the playoffs. I saw the games. I know what I think of the team. I’m ecstatic they aren’t the 4-12 mess I thought they’d be and can’t wait to see them handle the Seahawks. Aaaannnyyy minute now….Is it noon on Sunday yet?

  • Jon, Montgomery

    by the way, i don’t want to hear any s.h.i.t about orlando, it’s only 2 losses and they were both on back-to-back nights on the road against good teams, and we only lost by a combined 4 points! we’re still a good team and i actually feel good that we lost a couple of tough games to make us a little tougher, (because we were winning to easy, lol).

    no, but expect us to run over minnesota and then hopefully we can go to boston and take care of business. a 3-2 road trip against this competition would be a success in my mind.

    so just remember your place bulls fans… behind the magic

    by the way, i wish i was going to bulls-heat saturday night, should be a great game, i think derrick wants to win badly against these great teams and tibbs will have his team ready to win saturday, so do us all a favor and beat those miami f.a.g.g.o.t.s.


  • Jaimie in Hoffman Estates

    Hear I’m waiting anxiously for this game, I think Atlanta wins however VS the Big Uglys Bears 30
    Hawks 13

  • Hibernian

    Thanks, Bernsie. Well said.

  • Lovin Lovie

    Average passer rating of “suck”.

  • Dan

    Can everyone believe all of this garbage coming out between the Trib writers, Rick Reilly, and some bozo blogger that posted an article on the Score today? All of the Cutler bashing is getting old and annoying.

    • Glockster

      I haven’t seen the Trib stuff, but I read Reilly’s article and going through it with all of these horrible sins Cutler committed the only emotion it conjured up in me was indifference. All I thought was “why is this bad?” I realize that it would probably be the same reaction Cutler himself would have, but the entire article reeked of sour grapes from a Denver guy and an agenda from an angry media member who can’t stand not being everyone’s friend. I could almost feel the disappointment Reilly must have felt at learning that Cutler had not, in fact, kicked anyone’s dog. As far as I’m concerned it was garbage and the best use for the piece would be in an Intro to Journalism class to illustrate the difference between being a reporter and being a columnist.

      As far as Cutler goes just win. I don’t need him to love the fans. I don’t need to love him as a person. And really, it doesn’t make that much of a difference for me if someone is a bad guy as long as it isn’t a problem on the field. Now I like Derrick Rose and I find his humility and demeanor refreshing. I’ll admit that I probably like him better since he’s a nice guy, a guy who anyone in their right mind would want to see succeed, but if here weren’t as great a guy with the media and off the court, I wouldn’t dislike him.

      All of this is contingent upon skill. It’s the way of the world. It’s why I like Jay Cutler. It’s why TO keeps getting jobs. And it’s why Ted Williams got a chance not a lot of homeless guys do. Of course, he might have decided that he likes Grey Goose more than he likes having a job, but that’s another story…

  • Truckerman45

    FACT ! !

    • Beverly Brewmaster

      Hey Trucker, don’t you have a bottle to go fill and throw out the window? Leave the discussion to the grown-ups who know how to turn off their caps lock.

      • Chris in Scottsdale

        Pull pages out of Lombardi’s playbook? PLEASE DO! I’d absolutely love it if the Seahawks start operating out of the single wing offense and start trying to run sweeps. That would be the EASIEST way for the Bears to just destroy them!

        Maybe they can reference Amos Alonzo Stagg’s offensive philosophies while they’re at it.

      • Spoon

        I think Truckerman is Kevin from Palastine’s evil twin brother.


    I’m looking forward to Sunday’s Seahawks/Bears’ NFC Divisional Playoff game as much as anyone. Whether I’m watching the game in HD with Kenny Albert, Daryl “Moose” Johnston & Tony Siragusa describing the action on the “NFL on FOX”, or listening to Jeff Joniak, Tom Thayer & Zach Zaidman on the WBBM Newsradio 780/Chicago Bears Radio Network, I wish they would kick the damn ball right now and play the game! Even though this year’s NFL continues to remind us to expect the unexpected, I’ve got to think Jay Cutler, Matt Forte and the Bear offense finds a way to plow through the Seahawk defense on a very cold and possibly slick Soldier Field surface en route to a 23-3 win and a date in the NFC Championship Game next Sunday. I don’t think they’ve forgotten the embarrassing loss way back in October.

    • Lovin Lovie

      Best pre game score I have seen yet.
      I agree.
      GO BEARS!

  • Hank

    Best. Blog. Ever. By the way, how many people are scrambling for a dictionary?

  • Denver Smeghead

    People still pay attention to Rick Reilly?

    It’s another wonderful weekend of Get Jack Squat Done for me. The ball and chain is dragging me off to a local sports bar tonight for the Avs game. Then Blackhawks Saturday and Sunday night. Bears Sunday afternoon. And our box lacrosse team also plays Saturday night, which I will watch online around the Blackhawks game.

    Did I mention I have zero intention of getting anything done this weekend? :)

  • Ry

    I love listening to The Score.

    But if I have to listen to another radio commercial that screams “WE’RE TALKIN’ BEARS!!!!!!”, I’m gonna puke!



  • Chris in Scottsdale

    Doggone it… if the online stream isn’t working, I’m left with Cowherd, the awful local dreck here, or my Benny Mardones Pandora station.

    “She’s Just 16 years old…” … Paging Lawrence Taylor…

  • Peter Scolari's Disfunction

    I’m waiting for the Bill Simmons interview with Cutler at a topless pool in Vegas. What’s the secret, Jay?

    • Larry Horse's Arse

      LOL…great moniker too.

  • Jim

    Why is it that the internet stream fails to work on a regular basis!? It’s really annoying and it doesn’t seem to concern anyone at CBS or the Score. I really don’t want to have to listen to the dumb@sses down the dial, c’mon guys, fix it already!!!!

  • MB

    Just read Bill Simmon’s pick column. He actually thinks the Seahawks are going to score 33 points. I’ve had enough of that network to last me a lifetime. Seriously, they need to go away.

  • Chris in Scottsdale

    33? Are the Seahawks getting 10 for every TD instead of six?

  • MB

    Anything for them to pull off the upset, right? I’m with Dan on this, kick the damn thing off already, I can’t read or listen to anymore analysis. I may lose what little sanity I have left!

  • The Score Chimp

    So, I commented on Dan Pompei’s Facebook page regarding the ridiculous article he wrote today and the big tough guy deleted all of my posts and gave me the boot so I can’t see his page anymore. I didn’t personally attack him or write anything inappropriate. I asked him to further explain the article and what was up with all the Cutler attacks this week with his paper. These damn newspaper writers sure are touchy.


    Come 7p tomorrow night, here’s a nice problem you’d like to have. Watch the Packers/Falcons’ NFC Divisional Playoff game from Atlanta on FOX, Derrick Rose and the Bulls hosting Dwyane “I Used the Bulls for Leverage” Wade, Benedict LeBron and the Heat in a “2 WGN” game from United Center or the Blackhawks and Predators in the first of a home-and-home from Nashville on Comcast SportsNet. All of those games are in HD, of course. Needless to say, my remote will be getting quite a workout. Also, who gets booed louder tomorrow night? Benedict LeBron or Dwyane?

    • Jon, Montgomery

      why would people like it when there are multiple things all on at once? because then you have to choose.

      if i had to pick just one event, i’d pick bulls-heat, but i’m lucky enough to have PIP so i don’t have to worry.

  • puddin' head

    Who dammed up the stream……i’m probably not missing much anyway…

    • Jon, Montgomery

      it’s pretty much a comedy show today, it’s hilarious, sorry you’re missing it :(

      SCORE! please fix the streaming and the podcasts for the good people here like puddin’ head, it’s not nice when you don’t give a damn about your listeners

  • Larry Horse's Arse

    The Bears will beat Seattle today, beat the Pack next Sunday but I fear will lose to the Patriots in Dallas.

    • Jon, Montgomery


      • Larry Horse's Arse

        Gotta hand it to the Jets for coming up big.

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