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Holmes: Superhero Football Team, Part I

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Bill Belichick and Batman. (Getty Images)

Bill Belichick and Batman. (Getty Images)

Laurence Holmes Laurence Holmes
Laurence Holmes joined 670 The Score in 1998 as a part-time producer...
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By Laurence Holmes-

(WSCR) I’ve taken my love for football and my love for comics and tried to combine them. In putting together the team, I tried to make it to scale with the bigger players closest to the ball. In this imaginary world, I wanted it to try and resemble how an NFL team would pick starters. You may agree, you may not. Either way, have a little fun and tweak my list or create your own. In parentheses is the player/coach/executive that inspired the superhero/villain I placed in the position.

TEAM DC

Owner:  Wayne Enterprise

C.O.O:  Tim Drake. We put Messr Drake in place as the face of our franchise because we want to appeal to a young audience.  Drake will represent well and has the sleuthing ability to snoop out problems before they turn into major incidents.

GM: Maxwell Lord (Scott Pioli). With young Mr. Drake acting as the face of the company, I felt like you needed a ruthless S.O.B. to run the football operation. Lord has all of the traits to make a good GM. He’s shrewd, skeptical & charming. Other than the whole ’murdering in cold-blood thing’ the DC team has a GM that will be feared and will act quickly.

Head Coach: Batman (Bill Belichick). Even though he’s a human, with no super-power, Batman is respected as one of the best tacticians alive.  Can’t you imagine him going over hours & hours of tape trying to find any weakness he can? Expect boring press conferences.  Like Bill Belichik, he’s not going to give you anything.  Doesn’t “Spy Gate” seem like Batman’s modus operandi?  He commands respect from hero & villain alike.  Which makes him the perfect guy to run this team.

Offensive Coordinator: Brainiac 5 (Mike Martz). This was the first person I thought of for the entire team. He’s cold, calculating and brilliant. His 12th level intelligence makes him the obvious choice to run your offense. He is going to demand perfection in technique and execution. Practices are going to be long and tedious. The problem is that his concepts may be too high minded, but if he gets it right… LOOK OUT!

Defensive Coordinator: Lex Luthor (Dick LeBeau w/ a bad attitude). A ruthless genius. I toyed with putting Lex in charge of the whole team, but there’s no way that flies. Then again, he was President for awhile. Luthor is usually a few moves ahead of his opponent. You can expect that with his defense. An avid chess player, this gives him the chance to command pawns on the field. Zone dogs, Amoeba defenses, mass confusion? Yes. Yes. Yes. If you’re gonna have Lex on the staff, you gotta have Batman watching over him.

Here is DC’s Defense.  Luthor is running a 3-4:

DE: Darkseid (Terrell Suggs). Good luck trying to block this guy. He wants to destroy you, by taking away your will. He’s going to talk trash and revel in your misery. Most of it is going to seem like gibberish, but if you start hearing that sounds like an equation: Be afraid. Be very afraid.

NT: Doomsday (Ndamukong Suh). Giving Doomsday a straight line to the quarterback is a problem.  All he wants to do is get up the field and destroy. He’s got the strength, speed and power of Superman, without the self control. He’ll play angry and won’t stop coming. Expect some personal foul calls, but he’ll more than make up for it in sack yards. He’ll adapt to whatever blocking scheme you throw at him and turn it on you.

DE: Lobo (Jared Allen). Off the field, he likes a good time. On the field, he’s a world full of trouble. His sack dances are going to annoy opponents, but if you want to stop it, then stop him. He can literally smell your fear, so you better be assignment-sound. GM Lord will have to have the team’s best lawyers & maybe even Oracle, look over Lobo’s contract because he’s a meticulous negotiator. Have times of practices and games squarely laid out because Lobo has places to go…

OLB: Hawkman (Clay Matthews). Perfect fit for a 3-4. He’s tough, plays with a mean streak and that N’th metal makes him really fast. His motor never quits. He plays hurt. With the keen eyesight, his play diagnosis is going to be fantastic. He is the defensive captain and rules the locker room. If anyone steps out of line, he’s got a mace that seems to straighten everything out.

ILB: Superman (Patrick Willis). Everything that you want in the middle of your defense. Smart, fast, tough and willing to pay the price. He may be the most gifted athlete on the field, but doesn’t act like it. Tremendous character. Was not offended when Hawkman was named captain. Superman will make the defensive calls. Doesn’t need the helmet mic because of super-hearing, but promises he won’t use it to hear the opponents play call. Strangely, all the other teams in the league believe him. Luthor thinks it’s all an act, but can’t argue with Kal-El’s preparation or game play. Constant debates between these two in meeting rooms, which are usually decided by Batman. He’s the first one in the building every morning and the last one to leave.

ILB: Martian Manhunter (Derrick Johnson). Manhunter doesn’t stay blocked long. He’ll go intangible on you. Seems to know what the opponent is thinking all the time. Never guesses wrong on a play. Waits until the pregame festivities are over because of fear of fire.

OLB: Black Adam (James Harrison). Possibly the scariest guy on the field. He’s always a focal point of an offensive coordinators game-plan. Plays without fear. Talented and arrogant. He takes chances in order to make plays. Wants to destroy everybody. Plays with aggression, but freelances too much. Is a loner off the field, but there is no arguing with his production.

LCB: Plastic Man (Darrelle Revis). You can’t shake him. Even when he’s clearly beat, finds away to make up the ground. Doesn’t give away coverage because you can’t tell what he’s thinking.

RCB: Reverse Flash (Cortland Finnegan). He’s all over you. Hard to shake and a little bit crazy. He’s physical and in your face. Won’t stop running or stop talking.

FS: Wonder Woman (Ed Reed). She’s the team’s smallest player, but one of the toughest. She’s given a lot of rope (see what I did there) to pick and choose coverages. She’s super fast and makes plays on the ball. When you need someone in the defensive backfield to take the ball away, she usually comes through. Has a mean streak and it took a lot of cojolling by C.O.O. Drake to convince GM Lord to sign her.

SS: Power Girl (LaRon Landry). The grown up version of Kara Zor-L is perfect for this role. She’s got the speed and strength to cover from sideline to sideline. Luthor feels very comfortable leaving her in “single-high” safety situations, when Wonder Woman is roaming for picks. Fantastic in run support, an aggressive tackler. Is the most likely of the 11 to get winded. Is a big hit with male fans.

We’ll have DC’s offense for you Thursday. Follow me on Twitter (@lholmes670).

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