Holmes: Superhero Football Team, Part I

By Laurence Holmes-

(WSCR) I’ve taken my love for football and my love for comics and tried to combine them. In putting together the team, I tried to make it to scale with the bigger players closest to the ball. In this imaginary world, I wanted it to try and resemble how an NFL team would pick starters. You may agree, you may not. Either way, have a little fun and tweak my list or create your own. In parentheses is the player/coach/executive that inspired the superhero/villain I placed in the position.


Owner:  Wayne Enterprise

C.O.O:  Tim Drake. We put Messr Drake in place as the face of our franchise because we want to appeal to a young audience.  Drake will represent well and has the sleuthing ability to snoop out problems before they turn into major incidents.

GM: Maxwell Lord (Scott Pioli). With young Mr. Drake acting as the face of the company, I felt like you needed a ruthless S.O.B. to run the football operation. Lord has all of the traits to make a good GM. He’s shrewd, skeptical & charming. Other than the whole ’murdering in cold-blood thing’ the DC team has a GM that will be feared and will act quickly.

Head Coach: Batman (Bill Belichick). Even though he’s a human, with no super-power, Batman is respected as one of the best tacticians alive.  Can’t you imagine him going over hours & hours of tape trying to find any weakness he can? Expect boring press conferences.  Like Bill Belichik, he’s not going to give you anything.  Doesn’t “Spy Gate” seem like Batman’s modus operandi?  He commands respect from hero & villain alike.  Which makes him the perfect guy to run this team.

Offensive Coordinator: Brainiac 5 (Mike Martz). This was the first person I thought of for the entire team. He’s cold, calculating and brilliant. His 12th level intelligence makes him the obvious choice to run your offense. He is going to demand perfection in technique and execution. Practices are going to be long and tedious. The problem is that his concepts may be too high minded, but if he gets it right… LOOK OUT!

Defensive Coordinator: Lex Luthor (Dick LeBeau w/ a bad attitude). A ruthless genius. I toyed with putting Lex in charge of the whole team, but there’s no way that flies. Then again, he was President for awhile. Luthor is usually a few moves ahead of his opponent. You can expect that with his defense. An avid chess player, this gives him the chance to command pawns on the field. Zone dogs, Amoeba defenses, mass confusion? Yes. Yes. Yes. If you’re gonna have Lex on the staff, you gotta have Batman watching over him.

Here is DC’s Defense.  Luthor is running a 3-4:

DE: Darkseid (Terrell Suggs). Good luck trying to block this guy. He wants to destroy you, by taking away your will. He’s going to talk trash and revel in your misery. Most of it is going to seem like gibberish, but if you start hearing that sounds like an equation: Be afraid. Be very afraid.

NT: Doomsday (Ndamukong Suh). Giving Doomsday a straight line to the quarterback is a problem.  All he wants to do is get up the field and destroy. He’s got the strength, speed and power of Superman, without the self control. He’ll play angry and won’t stop coming. Expect some personal foul calls, but he’ll more than make up for it in sack yards. He’ll adapt to whatever blocking scheme you throw at him and turn it on you.

DE: Lobo (Jared Allen). Off the field, he likes a good time. On the field, he’s a world full of trouble. His sack dances are going to annoy opponents, but if you want to stop it, then stop him. He can literally smell your fear, so you better be assignment-sound. GM Lord will have to have the team’s best lawyers & maybe even Oracle, look over Lobo’s contract because he’s a meticulous negotiator. Have times of practices and games squarely laid out because Lobo has places to go…

OLB: Hawkman (Clay Matthews). Perfect fit for a 3-4. He’s tough, plays with a mean streak and that N’th metal makes him really fast. His motor never quits. He plays hurt. With the keen eyesight, his play diagnosis is going to be fantastic. He is the defensive captain and rules the locker room. If anyone steps out of line, he’s got a mace that seems to straighten everything out.

ILB: Superman (Patrick Willis). Everything that you want in the middle of your defense. Smart, fast, tough and willing to pay the price. He may be the most gifted athlete on the field, but doesn’t act like it. Tremendous character. Was not offended when Hawkman was named captain. Superman will make the defensive calls. Doesn’t need the helmet mic because of super-hearing, but promises he won’t use it to hear the opponents play call. Strangely, all the other teams in the league believe him. Luthor thinks it’s all an act, but can’t argue with Kal-El’s preparation or game play. Constant debates between these two in meeting rooms, which are usually decided by Batman. He’s the first one in the building every morning and the last one to leave.

ILB: Martian Manhunter (Derrick Johnson). Manhunter doesn’t stay blocked long. He’ll go intangible on you. Seems to know what the opponent is thinking all the time. Never guesses wrong on a play. Waits until the pregame festivities are over because of fear of fire.

OLB: Black Adam (James Harrison). Possibly the scariest guy on the field. He’s always a focal point of an offensive coordinators game-plan. Plays without fear. Talented and arrogant. He takes chances in order to make plays. Wants to destroy everybody. Plays with aggression, but freelances too much. Is a loner off the field, but there is no arguing with his production.

LCB: Plastic Man (Darrelle Revis). You can’t shake him. Even when he’s clearly beat, finds away to make up the ground. Doesn’t give away coverage because you can’t tell what he’s thinking.

RCB: Reverse Flash (Cortland Finnegan). He’s all over you. Hard to shake and a little bit crazy. He’s physical and in your face. Won’t stop running or stop talking.

FS: Wonder Woman (Ed Reed). She’s the team’s smallest player, but one of the toughest. She’s given a lot of rope (see what I did there) to pick and choose coverages. She’s super fast and makes plays on the ball. When you need someone in the defensive backfield to take the ball away, she usually comes through. Has a mean streak and it took a lot of cojolling by C.O.O. Drake to convince GM Lord to sign her.

SS: Power Girl (LaRon Landry). The grown up version of Kara Zor-L is perfect for this role. She’s got the speed and strength to cover from sideline to sideline. Luthor feels very comfortable leaving her in “single-high” safety situations, when Wonder Woman is roaming for picks. Fantastic in run support, an aggressive tackler. Is the most likely of the 11 to get winded. Is a big hit with male fans.

We’ll have DC’s offense for you Thursday. Follow me on Twitter (@lholmes670).

More from Laurence Holmes
  • Edward Burek

    The only pic I don’t think would work is Lex as defensive coordinator. He would HAVE to have a president of football operations job. There is no way that guy would take orders from anybody and has proven in the past to not only be a master tactician himself but one that knows how to put others in the perfect setting to succeed… or at least in position to help him succeed. The thing that scares me is that I knew who every one of these characters were and understood the justifications for their positions. . Which means my dork level may be just a bit high.

  • Izzy López

    remember when we had terrell suggs and instead traded him for some blue crab and an Orioles game to be named later? DC is so whack you had to make Ed Reed Wonder Woman and LaRon Landry Power Girl…I am so telling Ed Reed.

  • Tim in PA

    Law- thought it would have been better if you just left the actual players names out of it, as the title suggests.

  • Chris in Scottsdale

    Well Done, LoHo. I can totally imagine you had a fun time putting this together… but wouldn’t Clay Matthews be better as Bane? ;)

  • Chris in Scottsdale

    I would have also thought about Deathstroke for FS and moving Wonder Woman to SS… You’ve got two hitters back there as it currently stands, and Deathstroke would be a better centerfielder, IMO.

  • SteveSpy


  • Killer Construct, LoHo

    But I’m too ancient to speak-a the comics. Outside of never forgetting Woof-Woof himself. Mike McCaskey IS Casper, The Friendly Ghost.

  • Creighton

    Wait Hawkman is the Captain? Which one? Half of them are a little nuts. You put Superman in a 3-4, does he look like he needs help in the middle. Not to mention he screams offense. Plastic man should have been a reciever, soft hands great reach, he would get to many pass interferance penalties on D. You made Landry, Power Girl, that’s kind of cruel. It should have been a 4-3 no way Lobo is a 5 tech. Ummm seriously Darkseid? He fought Galactus once in a cross over, just cause you like him does not mean you put him on the field. If you put Hal Jordan at QB I will get sick, he should have been your shut down corner or FS. Again Hawkman, what’s he their for? If your Offense looks like your defense he will be usless. You should have had Sups on offense.

    If I was gonna do it, I go 4-3, 7tech Orion, 3 tech Doomsday, 1 Mongol, 9 tech Lobo, Mike Jonn Jonzz, Sam Black Adam, Will Captain Marvel, LCB Hal Jordan, RCB Reverse Flash, FS WW, SS Super Boy.

    Can’t wait for your O-Line SBP, Shaggy Man, Amazo etc…, and again Hawkman? Really? Every team in your league is going to go right after him.

    • Chris in Scottsdale

      I think the offense is going to be all Marvel characters.

      Mongol would have been an outstanding run-stuffer in the middle if it were a 4-3… though I’d root for Solomon Grundy.

      Like Superman said of Hawkman in the JLA revamp (post-Inf. Crisis): “He’s a tank”.

  • Chris in Scottsdale

    Re: Wonder Woman – “Has a mean streak and it took a lot of cojolling by C.O.O. Drake to convince GM Lord to sign her.”

    -Wow. That was DEEP nerd right there.

  • Leeto

    I like the picks but I am interested to see who the QB is going to be because I thought Superman was a lock for that….maybe Smallville has influenced my judgement. Good job though Laurence

  • pulseczar

    Ok, now do it all over using the equivalent Squadron Supreme characters.

    Make mine Marvel. Excelsior!

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