Holmes: Superhero Football Team, Part II
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By Laurence Holmes-
(WSCR) I’ve taken my love for football and my love for comics and tried to combine them. In putting together the team, I tried to make it to scale with the bigger players closest to the ball. In this imaginary world, I wanted it to try and resemble how an NFL team would pick starters. You may agree, you may not. Either way, have a little fun and tweak my list or create your own. The player/coach/executive that inspired the superhero/villain I placed in the position is in parentheses.
Here is Part II. Team DC’s offense:
LT: Gorilla Grodd (Bryant McKinnie). At 6’6, 600 lbs Grodd was the ideal choice to protect the blindside. Grodd’s got some off the field problems and we’ve had to put him into anger management. The hope is that on game day, we can harness his rage and use his smarts to protect the quarterback. He has great agility and is a great hand-fighter.
LG: Cyborg (Logan Mankins). Signing Victor Stone, came with some trepidation. He’s had a ton of surgeries. Initially he couldn’t pass the physical (specifically the eye exam), but GM Maxwell Lord got him to sign a waiver so that the team wouldn’t be responsible if something bad happened to him. Cyborg brings experience, toughness, incredible size (6’6 385) and an outstanding work ethic to the team. In fact, he works so tirelessly that teammates have started calling him “The Machine”. It’s not a nickname Stone likes, which makes them call him that even more. He’s great on the move and offensive coordinator Braniac 5 loves to use him on traps and counters.
C: Green Lantern Kilowog (Kevin Mawae). The team needed a trusted veteran to man the middle of the line and make the line calls. No one is better suited for that than Kilowog. Even without his power ring, he’s imposing. He stands 7’8, 720 lbs. He has the size to play one of the tackle spots, but he’s so good at explaining everything and keeping the line together, center seemed like the perfect spot. Our quarterback may have to hover to see over Kilowog, but he’ll definitely be protected.
RG: Bane (Chris Snee). Every line needs a badass and Bane handles that role for this team. He’s not taking any stuff from ANYBODY. Especially head coach, Batman. These two have a history. Bane is politically minded off the field, but GM Lord is worried about how deep his political affiliations go. Also, there’s always the worry that he won’t pass the drug test. He showed up at camp an imposing 6’8, 400lbs. Former teammates in college, don’t remember him being that big…
RT: Solomon Grundy (Gabe Carimi). Grundy has the size to play left tackle at 7’5, 517lbs. Batman decided to put him on the right side because he’s a bit stiff. In fact he is a stiff. He’s the undead. Motivation is sometimes an issue, but he does have a temper. He can be vicious. Fantastic run blocker. Usually the offensive line has their lockers together, but Grundy and Grodd have to be on opposite sides of the locker room. Great hand-fighter, bad feet.
FB: Red Tornado (Lorenzo Neal). If you need a hole blown up, why not have a guy that commands the wind. He’s a load going through the hole at 6’1, 325lbs. If he happens to get blown up by a linebacker, just put him back together again. He’s never afraid of the tough assignment, but does sometimes feel like an outsider.
RB: Green Lantern Sodam Yat (Chris Johnson). Yat is the perfect guy in this role. He’s got the speed and power to take a tremendous amount of punishment. He’s just as strong and fast as Superman. In fact, with his ring on, he may be the most powerful person on this team. He barely passed the physical by keeping his ring on. He hates stadiums that have lead-base paints. Loves to play in sunshine. Student of the game who knows the holes and has totally digested the playbook. He’s fearless and loves to run inside and deliver blows. Tremendous will. Teammates say he is the most physically blessed player on the team. Yeah, even Superman…
WR: Flash (DeSean Jackson). How do you stop the fastest man alive? Perfect for our X position. Teammates are always challenging him to races in the ‘40 and he crushes them every time. Battles in practice with Reverse Flash are legendary. Think David Boston and Charles Woodson. He puts a big dent in the food budget of the team. His metabolism is ridiculously high. He goes through Gatorade and bananas crazy. Flash doubles as kickoff and punt returner. Never gets tired. He can be trusted to fight for the ball and is a great teammate. Has outstanding rapport with Hal Jordan. Rocks awesome lightning bolt arm-bands.
TE: Captain Marvel (Antonio Gates). Plays the game with the joy of a child. Has incredible tangibles and could’ve been placed at any skill position. Tough-guy persona with a heart of gold. Stays late after practices and games to sign autographs for kids. Heavenly involved with foster kids and charities. Loves to go up against Black Adam in practice. Always wants to borrow Flash’s armbands.
WR: Booster Gold (Terrell Owens). Just because.
QB: Green Lantern Hal Jordan (Tom Brady). Every team needs a guy at the helm that commands respect. Jordan has a very strong will to win. He’s almost Spartan in his preparation. He’s been working with center Kilowog for years and there’s a tremendous trust there. Even though he usually practices restraint, he also has a super-competitive nature. Remember Brady yelling at that Steelers DB a couple years ago and going after him whenever he could? That’s vintage Jordan. He will take risks if the reward is great enough. He’s fair, but decisive and commands the huddle. Oh and he’s got Carol Ferris… the closest thing in the comic book world to Giselle.
We’ll do Team Marvel next week. Hope you’re enjoying the ride. Follow me on Twitter (@lholmes670) for discussion.