By MICHAEL WALTERS
#10 We Bought A Zoo
Few things are sadder than the decline of a once promising filmmaker. Writer Director Cameron Crowe is awash in strained metaphors, and artificial uplift. We Bought A Zoo? More like We Bought A Load Of Crap.
#9 The Big Year
No comedy was more stultifying than this painfully unfunny birdwatching comedy. You’d think Steve Martin, Owen Wilson, and Jack Black could squeeze a few laughs out of anything, but you’d be wrong.
#8 “Jack and Jill/Just Go With It”
Adam Sandler gets a two for one deal on the list this year with his twin terrors “Just Go With It” and “Jack and Jill.” Of the two I’d have to give Jack and Jill the edge since it introduced audiences to one of Sandler’s most annoying characters ever and hastened the decline of the once great Al Pacino.
#7 Alvin And The Chipmunks: Chipwrecked
Somehow the Alvin and The Chipmunk movies keep finding a way to get worse. I laughed exactly once in “The Squeakquel.” But in Chipwrecked, my funny bone couldn’t have been safer from tickling if it had been locked away in Fort Knox.
It’s been all downhill since she won the Oscar, but Natalie Portman hit rock bottom with the insufferable indie comedy “Hesher.” Joseph Gordon-Levitt is an inconsiderate layabout who is supposed to be some kind of rock and roll oracle. He’s supposed to inspire the members of a very depressed family. But all it did was inspire me with rage against the people who subjected me to this.
Russell Brand’s remake of “Arthur” filled me with a sense of dread before the opening titles were even over.
#4 “Machine Gun Preacher”
Gerard Butler is an ex-con playing Rambo while trying to build an orphanage in Africa. The movie tries to deliver a sincere religious message, but it doesn’t have a clue about religion, faith, or even how to stage a descent action sequence. Butler is hardly turning the other cheek, but the story is so absurd it makes hollywood crap like Rambo look like a documentary.
#3 “The Hangover Part II”
This was essentially the exact same movie all over again, only this time the laughs had been surgically removed. Zach Galifinakis should sue the creators for turning his brilliant comic creation into a fat one joke bore. This is where original humor, or humor of any kind goes to die
#2 New Year’s Eve
A worst of the year list wouldn’t be complete without Katherine Heigl. The holiday themed romantic comedy “New Year’s Eve” seems aimed at those who thought 2010′s “Valentine’s Day” was too deep and hard to follow. The film features a disaster movie quality cavalcade of stars- but the results are just plain disastrous.
Kevin James never comes within 500 yards of a belly laugh. There’s nary a chuckle, giggle, tee-he, smile, or agreeable moment. Instead we get a diet of lame pratfalls and dumb talking animals. This movie might be fit for prisoners of war, but even then it might constitute cruel and unusual punishment.