Don't Miss This
By Tim Baffoe-
(CBS) Dear Pat Robertson, please walk into highway traffic. I’m sure you’ll be protected. Thank you.
Special shoutout to my guys on the team and coaching staff of St. Rita High School hockey. The program has won five straight Kennedy Cups and has five consecutive Final Four appearances in the state playoffs, along with winning a championship in 2010. The Mustangs will take on St. Viator in the State Championship game Friday at the United Center at 6:30. Good luck, gentlemen.
On to your questions. All emails and tweets are unedited.
Who do you have to win #TOB?—@Chiumbrella
Here’s my Tournament of Bad bracket. The updated bracket is here. It’s not quite as awful as my NCAA bracket, but I’ve done better in the TOB in years past. Once the field was announced I declared that the State of Pennsylvania would win it all just knowing the vitriol fans of the Boers and Bernstein Show have for all things Quaker State since the Jerry Sandusky scandal broke and its subsequent fustercluckery ensued. So I picked five of the Awful Eight and two of the Vile Four (Wet Socks got robbed in its Vile Four game—I smell a Tim Donaghy thing there. Sam Zuba, who tallies the votes, is Italian. Or Greek. Same thing. Mediterraneans are very conniving people. And hairy).
I was rooting hardest, though, for People Who Don’t Turn On Red. All of them need to be beaten with Garden Weasels. A car needs to be invented that overcomes basic stupid driving decisions—no turn signals, driving under the speed limit under normal driving conditions, being a teenage girl, etc. Get on that, Eminem!
While the TOB is great as usual, I was disappointed that some of my personal choices did not make the tournament this year, such as bar fights, my picture on the left hand side here, poor tippers, people who complain that their preferences didn’t make it into a parody tournament, FUPAs, Lady Antebellum, and Chris Rongey, though he did throw himself a birthday party two weeks ago. Hopefully next year I’ll get my way.
If I’m going to see a #cubs game from one rooftop, which one should it be?—@MopUpReliever
I have actually never taken in a Cubs game from one of the rooftops on Sheffield Ave. It’s just something that has never seemed all that great to me. Not that I would refuse to go up there (I just haven’t been invited because people don’t like me), but I prefer the experience inside a ballpark—feeling that buzz around you, the great smells, not hearing the crack of the bat two seconds after it happens.
Something about the rooftop experience smacks of the Cub fan stereotype, too. Who on those rooftops is really observing the game at hand? It seems like more of a party near a Cubs game, which has long been the knock on Cub fans inside the park as well. I can go to a beer garden for much cheaper if I only want to glance at the score now and then.
I’m not saying don’t go to a rooftop for a game. I’m sure they are fun times for most, and they seem like they have nice spreads. If I were to be invited to a bachelor party there, I’d certainly attend. It’s just not something I mark on my calendar to do every year. I understand, too, that for a non-Chicagoan like @MopUpReliever a rooftop game would be appealing because it’s not something that can be done on a whim, and we who live here take it a bit for granted.
In perusing their websites, all the rooftops seem like they provide a similar experience, and I cannot say I have ever heard complaints about any of them. Whichever package offered looks most appealing to you I say go for.
seriously, what is an acceptable tip for pizza delivery? I’ll usually do $5 minimum, 15% if it’s more.—@Boilerjeff
$5 or 10%–whichever is greater—is what I believe is fair for me to drive a meal to your home and compensate for your laziness. If you don’t like it, pick the food up yourself and cook your own. You don’t get to be lazy and cheap—pick one.
I have the utmost respect for waiters and waitresses. As a former busboy and someone who currently works in a place with a wait staff, I know most work hard and do their jobs well to provide a pleasant experience for mostly idiots (most people lose ten points off of their IQs when they walk into a restaurant. I cannot explain why, but dealing with customers in a restaurant is like being in a room of recent lobotomy patients). But does a wait staff drive your food to you? In their own cars usually? Regardless of weather conditions? Does a wait staff risk robbery or harm to get your food to you? Yet the standard to tip them is 20%. I’m not even asking for that much.
And if you say, “If you don’t like it, quit,” I hope you’re unable to procreate.
any hot tips for late rd [fantasy baseball draft] picks, got mine this weekend.—@djruch10
Here are some guys that should fall and could bring solid value to your team:
C: Ramon Hernandez, Colorado Rockies—double-digit HRs and solid .282 average in only 91 games last year for Cincinnati. Now he gets to play in that Coors Field air.
Jarrod Saltalamacchia, Boston Red Sox—new starter in Beantown could eat well at Fenway. He’ll crack 15 HRs if healthy.
1B: Adam Dunn, Chicago White Sox—don’t know how late he’ll go because no player has ever had such a drop in production as Dunn did from 2010 to 2011, so now lots of fantasy players aren’t sure where in the middle of those two years he’ll be this season. But most predraft rankings don’t have him as a Top 25 1B. I feel Dunn is going to bounce back well—probably not 40 and 100 well, but well above projected value if you wait on him.
Carlos Pena, Tampa Bay Rays—if you can stomach the batting average, Pena being back in Tampa with its potent offense should be great for a guy who isn’t among the sexier 1B names.
2B: Daniel Murphy, New York Mets—Citi Field moved its fences in, and Murphy exceeded expectations last season. Even in usually the weakest spot, he’ll probably be around late if you wait on the position.
Jose Altuve, Houston Astros—ended up with him on one of my teams late last season due to injuries. He’s also looked really good this spring and will be around late.
3B: Mike Moustakas, Kansas City Royals—corner spots are so valuable and go quickly. If you choose to beef up in other areas, he’ll be around after the bigger names are gone, and guys with Aramis Ramirez and Pablo Sandoval will envy you later when the usual injuries set in.
Chipper Jones, Atlanta Braves—yes, I’m contradicting myself after mocking injury-plagued players. Jones just announced this is his last season, though, and baseball has weird ways of great story lines writing themselves. When healthy, Jones is still productive, and he will be avoided because of injury history.
SS: Yuniel Escobar, Toronto Blue Jays—he gets hits, walks a lot, and has double-digit power. You can get good value from a guy like this who isn’t considered a Top 10 SS.
Mike Aviles, Boston Red Sox—I love guys who hit at Fenway, and Aviles showed in 2010 that he can produce. Look for him to bounce back from a 2011 campaign where he was unhappy as a Royal. A fresh start in Boston could do him wonders as he flies under draft radars.
OF: Angel Pagan, San Francisco Giants—when healthy, Pagan has been a great source of steals. Leading off in front of Melky Cabrera, Sandoval, and Buster Posey should help his value.
Jeff Francoeur, Kansas City Royals—Frenchy finally seemed to figure it out last season, even though he’s still hated by fantasy owners who got burned by him prior to that. Being in the young, talented Royals lineup with all its pop may ensure back-to-back solid seasons out of him.
SP: Ryan Dempster, Chicago Cubs—Dempster will continue to be Dempster. Good K numbers, eats innings, will scrape out double-digit wins. As a third or fourth guy in a fantasy rotation, you could do worse.
Brandon Beachy, Atlanta Braves—if you can snag 200 Ks after the tenth round, you do it. Period.
RP: Grant Balfour, Oakland Athletics—he just beat out Brian Fuentes, who with Fautino De Los Santos will be breathing down Balfour’s neck to take over if he falters. Balfour, though, has been a solid bullpen pitcher in recent years and will be one of the last closers left in most drafts.
Jason Motte, St. Louis Cardinals—he doesn’t have much experience so he should slip in drafts. He’ll get plenty of save situations for the Cards.
Thanks for emailing, tweeting, and reading. If your question did not get answered this time, that does not necessarily mean I am ignoring it. It may be saved for the next mailbag. Hopefully you’re a slightly better person now than you were ten minutes ago. If not, your loss.
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Tim Baffoe attended the University of Iowa and Governors State University and began blogging at The Score after winning the 2011 Pepsi Max Score Search. He enjoys writing things about stuff, but not so much stuff about things. When not writing for 670TheScore.com, Tim corrupts America’s youth as a high school English teacher and provides a great service to his South Side community delivering pizzas (please tip him and his colleagues well). You can follow Tim’s inappropriate brain droppings on Twitter @Ten_Foot_Midget , but please don’t follow him in real life. He grew up in Chicago’s Beverly To read more of Tim’s blogs click here.