Baffoe: Let’s Mock Penn St. Fans Attacking Silas Redd
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By Tim Baffoe-
(CBS) When the NCAA doled out sanctions on Penn State’s football program for creating and nurturing an environment that fostered child rape and its cover up, it allowed for current Nittany Lion players to immediately transfer without the usual eligibility penalties.
Penn State is banned from postseason play for four years and has had its scholarships significantly cut over those years. Penn State is going to be bad at football for a while.
The allowing of transfers was the way the NCAA and sane people agreed to punish the players as little as possible. Once that ruling came down, it was widely assumed that there would be players leaving Happy Valley for better situations, or at least ones that don’t involve a fairly delusional fan base that refuses to accept that the football program deserves to seriously suffer for the sins of its coaching staff and administration, especially those of its bespectacled demigod Joe Paterno, the kindly old mafia don that would just as soon cut your throat and have you thrown in a ditch as not risk compromising the football team.
On Tuesday, running back Silas Redd, arguably the team’s best player, chose to transfer to USC. Redd was promised an immediate impact role on a team that will likely contend for a National Championship. USC is also basically the pro team of Los Angeles, and I’m not even saying that as a Lane Kiffin probable violations joke.
Some of Redd’s teammates took to Twitter to support his choice and wish him the best. His decision was a no-brainer. That is, unless you have no brain.
On social media is where you can find plenty of the brainless, and they certainly have raised their zit-like heads on the skin of Twitter and Facebook to scream and throw feces (probably literally when away from their keyboards and phones) about an amateur football player choosing to better his future away from a school that has become fairly cancerous in regards to football player futures. The gall of this guy!
So take my hand as we stroll through a bevy of buttheads who are somehow able to operate electronics and show the world what awful people they are and the detestable culture that encompasses so much of college football. I’ve done you the favor of categorizing the stupid, which is possible. I mean, I’m a teacher, which makes me like a doctor when it comes to stupid. Or at least a sexy nurse. Some of these overlap categories, but so many people embody so many forms of dumb, sorry.
First the fairly mild criticism of Redd.
@AdamB_PSU: Silas Redd – advertising major at PSU. “USC will be the best fit for my academic… needs” USC only has Adv minor.
Okay, you got him. He’s probably not being totally honest about bettering himself academically, even though, as a few responded to this “Penn State Proud” fella, USC offers degrees in Journalism and Public Relations that along with a minor in Advertising sets someone up for a pretty nice career. What sort of world are we living in when our college football players aren’t on the up and up about the importance of their schooling, especially when transferring into a private university? What a burn by this guy who thinks he’ll be wanted for his #Sportsbiz skillz! Actually, he strikes me as total Rovell gofer material.
@OhFashooo: This n**** Silas Redd is not loyal, #PennState gave him a chance and he dipped when it came down to it.
See, when your Facebook page tells me you’re the “Emperor at Young Diamonds,” I have to take you seriously. It’s so rare that an emperor of any kind graces us with his wisdom. But then you tweet about eating a Hot Pocket before going to bed, and I know you probably have a job at which you wear a nametag and likely will for the rest of your life.
@AlexaKeeley: Would rather have future of Penn State than Silas- #PSU
This PSU grad currently works for ESPN, which sounds about right, and which also means her tweet will likely be forcibly deleted within fifteen minutes of this column’s posting. She also produces NHL highlights for the network, which must be very strenuous.
@loganAiRkoehle: Seriously have lost all respect for Silas redd.
There may not exist a Twitter account that has less respect for intelligence, should you care to huff some chemicals and read through this one. It’s like Vanilla Ice and the Co-Ed Naked fashion line had a baby and dropped it. Thrice.
Our next batch of brilliancy deals with those who believe Silas Redd has entered the world of classic 80s computer games.
@ballsandbars1: If Silas Redd go to another school he a trader #NoLoyalty..
D-Groove’s Twitter profile lets us know he’s not a big fan of the police, probably because they’re always preventing him from taking pictures of himself standing near underwatered lawns. Or he hates Sting. Less pan flutes, please, Mr. Sting.
@TREmendousTRE: Silas redd is a trader
Tre also tweets to let us know he’s at Six Flags on Wednesday. He’s also a boss. Probably a boss at Six Flags.
@ABostian42: Silas redd good luck……. trader #noloyalty
This guy plays for the minor league football Hanover Rhinos, which lets you know he has a difficult time letting go of things or understanding when something is over. He’s seen all the end credits of every movie he’s ever watched, including porn. Probably lots of porn.
@TZboy22: F*** you Silas Redd, you trader
Taylor’s American flag background on his Twitter page is there to inform us that he loves his country. His picture with the Paterno statue is there to inform us that he endorses American child rape (not foreign child rape—that’s dirty). I’m not sure if Taylor understands that three hundred years or so ago many Americans became “traders” looking to better themselves somewhere else. Actually, his name is Taylor, so I’m very sure he doesn’t.
@Iam_ANauman: Silas Redd you b****. #Trader
Royals fan. Moving on.
@jmely13: Silas redd = f****** trader.
We’ve found Jonathan Taylor Thomas, y’all, and he’s angry. The infant in the profile pic needs our help.
@GWesneski: Love when my dad trash talks Silas Redd because hes gonna transfer! #trader
It’s nice that father and son can bond over football when they’re allowed to see each other every other weekend.
@moondg1965: SILAS REED.R.BACK FOR PENN ST.IS GOING TO USC FOR HIS LAST YEAR.GOOD LUCK TRADER.WE ARE PENN STATE.
I’m fairly certain this person suffered a freak piñata head injury at childhood birthday party. Caps lock is a sign of a cogent argument, by the way. Always.
@missdaiana: I’m going to go to the Marlins game when the Dodgers come to town with a huge #TRADER poster for Hanley.
He’s a tradee, sweetie. (Just for laughs.)
Then there was @MCMXCs_kid who probably had the most popular dumbass “trader” tweet and eventually deleted it because he was getting so thoroughly owned by people. If you check out his timeline, you may just find a Jason Goff reference, which makes total sense.
Next up are the fine folks who specifically wish bad things to happen to Redd because he chose to protect his future instead of dying on a sinking ship.
@mikey_c12: Silas Redd should probably break his neck next year #trader Lane Kiffins a scumbag
I don’t know which of the people in the profile pic Mikey is, but I guarantee all four are being wedgied as you read this.
@MJBrown4266: Silas Redd to USC. I hope it hirts sooooo bad trader. #tornACL
PRO TIP: change the ending of your name to “izzle” or “eezy” to gain street cred, especially if you’re painfully Caucasian. For example, in class I demand to be referred to as Mr. Baffizzle or Emperor Baffeezy and am thus very much respected by my students. Brizzle here lives in Clifton Heights, PA, which as of the 2000 census has a population that’s more than 94% white, but I guarantee he is popular with racial minorities that make fun of him behind his back. If only they knew what a star his dad was.
@GWesneski: I hope USC doesn’t win a game & that Silas Redd brakes his damn leg!#trader#pieceofs***
Hey, Garrett is back! Based on his background, Garrett would appreciate if you contributed money to help con artist Lance Armstrong’s legal fees.
@JAYOMULLEN71: Silas Redd you are not that good and hope you get hurt for leaving when no one is leaving idc how f***** up that is #F***You
YOLO ON THE PROFILE ALERT. Luckily, future generations won’t have to deal with this moron being reincarnated.
@probstbluribon: I hope Silas Redd hates Southern California #trader
Oh, you hope he hates Southern California? Yes, gorgeous women, immaculate weather, gorgeous women throwing themselves at him, immaculate weather throwing itself at the gorgeous women throwing themselves at him in some meteorological orgy only Tom Skilling can fathom—he’ll be miserable. I hope you’re not able to vote.
Here are wordsmiths that, rather than bore us with any expounding of thought, prefer to just use the F-word.
@marisa_lynn13: I don’t give a f*** about bolden but I truly wish bad things on Silas redd for leaving #imaterribleperson #dontcarethough
I really would expect better language from a lady wearing a camouflage dress.
@Seany_Eastside: If you don’t have the heart to stay loyal then you might as well get the f*** out. Dueces Silas, go f*** yourself greedy pig
If you’re not loyal to an institution that condoned child rape and fans that put it below football, Seany has no use for you. “Dueces” indeed.
@loganAiRkoehle: F*** Silas redd, f*** lane kiffin, and F*** USC
Vanilla Naked is back. But wait—his name is Logan. This guy might be Wolverine. That’s the only excuse for being named Logan. Maybe you should fear him. For rufees.
@A_Rose55: F*** you Silas Redd.
Now, some might question this guy’s intelligence because of his Confederate flag endorsement in his profile pic, but he likes rap, so it’s totally cool.
@m_picciotto: F*** Silas redd, we didnt need him anyway
He uses “we,” which immediately eliminates him from intelligent sports conversation. But what would you expect from someone whose favorite quotation on his Facebook page is “god damn jews?” Although, it is likely Redd left PSU because of the Zionist conspiracy.
@adameisner: F*** you Silas, you can s*** my d***
Demanding oral sex from Silas Redd? That doesn’t fit with the complete lack of homoeroticism in the college fraternity system you’re a part of, young man.
@DbossNoel: F*** you Silas Redd #unfaithful
Unfaithful? Dude, he didn’t cheat on you with that last guy.
@bprendergast: hope he drops some weights on his neck RT @_fakeleighton: F*** you Silas Redd you un-loyal piece of s***.
Because that train is never late, here are those who remind us of the axiom that when someone does something you don’t approve of, that person instantly becomes homosexual, and that’s a bad thing.
@Augustus_11: Silas Redd is a f**!
Austin here is a fan of such hilarious Twitter feeds as @MensHumor and @CauseWereGuys, which lets you know he has serious issues with his own masculinity. And that in some countries he would be declared legally retarded.
@Brendan_Munday: Barkeley and silas bout to have pre-season sex
On his Twitter bio Brendan promotes the biblical passage Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Golf clap, bro.
@mattyulms: Silas Redd you f*****
Matty walks up to the McDonald’s drive-thru because he’s hardcore like that.
@TrillEthan: Silas Redd is a f***** f***** #stickwithyourteam
Ethan was nice enough to tweet his phone number. He seems to be from Lancaster or thereabouts, so the area code would be 717.
@TGrantzOD: Silas Redd transferred to USC what a f****** q**** #WEARE
@Zeebs230: F*** him. Trader. Trying to say it’s way more then just football, yeah I bet cuz if we didn’t have sanctions you wouldn’t leave.. F**
If you’d like to talk to ol’ Zeebs about his views, he works at Red Lobster in Altoona, PA. That’s what his Facebook page says, at least.
@therealpoppadoc: All I can think of is the Silas redd decision. F*** that f***** Lebron.
Aw, poor Lebron. Can’t catch a damn break.
Then there are the winners who have thoughts on Redd on a Facebook fan page that specifically says more than once that it is not affiliated with Redd himself. Behold the idiocy. I personally am partial to the comment about him being “DEDD to me” and the one from the homely middle aged lady.
You. Are. Penn. State.
Tim Baffoe attended the University of Iowa and Governors State University and began blogging at The Score after winning the 2011 Pepsi Max Score Search. He enjoys writing things about stuff, but not so much stuff about things. When not writing for 670TheScore.com, Tim corrupts America’s youth as a high school English teacher and provides a great service to his South Side community delivering pizzas (please tip him and his colleagues well). You can follow Tim’s inappropriate brain droppings on Twitter @Ten_Foot_Midget , but please don’t follow him in real life. He grew up in Chicago’s Beverly To read more of Tim’s blogs click here.