By Tim Baffoe-
(CBS) Trap game, son! While I certainly hope otherwise, I’m planning on the Chicago Bears losing to the Jacksonville Jaguars on Sunday. So much so that I’m picking the Jags in the Survivor League I’m in, and I think everyone else in the league should, too.
Yes, the 1-3 Jaguars. The Blaine Gabbert of 654 passing yards in four games Jaguars. The team-leading 162 receiving yards for the whole year Cecil Shorts Jaguars. The Motown of Florida Jaguars. The wait, that’s not Jack Del Rio on the sidelines Jaguars.
It all just seems too easy. The Bears don’t suck, and the Jaguars very much suck. But this is the NFL; the same NFL that in 2012 has had the Cardinals defeat Patriots in Foxboro. I don’t care if the Cardinals are 4-1, they’re not good.
The Jaguars will pound the rock, and the Bears have not been heavily tested on run defense yet. Opponents’ running backs have carried the ball an average of 16 times a game versus the Bears, so while the Bears giving up just 67 rushing yards/game is impressive so far, it’s also a product of teams throwing the ball against them a lot (a credit to the Bears scoring points, yes).
Even coming off a pretty good game against the Cowboys, the Bears’ offensive line is still a major question mark. J’Marcus Webb and the Flabulous Four could very much be the cure for a Jaguars defense that hasn’t recorded a sack since the two it got against the Vikings in Week 1.
Don’t underestimate the impact of playing a game coming off a short week. Less practice and preparation matter against an NFL team, even one so seemingly bad. And while I rarely worry about the professionalism of this team, they obviously know they are playing an inferior opponent and follow it with a bye week. The Packers showed that a pretty good Bears team is capable of pooping itself, and this seems like the perfect storm of stinky factors to earn them a loss on Sunday.
On to your questions. All emails and tweets are unedited.
Trout or Cabrerrra for AL MVP?—@jedgarnaut
Who should win or who will win? The former is Trout, and the latter is Cabrera.
Cabrera has had a fabulous season and practically carried the Tigers to the playoffs in spite of themselves. He’s also the first Triple Crown winner since 1967. That’s automatic MVP stuff for the baseball writers.
Trout, though, has had the better season. His offensive numbers are fabulous, his defense is some of the best in the game (and Miggy’s is some of the worst), and the Angels have had baseball’s best record since he joined the team.
The problem for Trout though is fourfold. A) He’s a rookie, and the writers very much would prefer to not give the award to a rookie, especially if there’s another guy within a sniff of worthiness. He should be happy with his Rookie of the Year award, and he’ll likely get a future MVP anyway. B) Trout didn’t win a Triple Crown. Even if what that entails is very much antiquated, it’s something that has crusty old scribes foaming into their fedoras. C) Trout’s team isn’t in the playoffs, and voters care about that. D) Trout is to sabermetricians (meaning mostly not the baseball writers with votes) what Justin Bieber is to stupid children with no sense of artistic value. Baseball writers hate the new school of statistical thinking and will vote against Trout out of pure spite.
I’m of the belief that the best player is the MVP, not the guy most valuable to his team. Every team has a player most valuable to it, if you think about it. So voting for who is “most valuable”—as in indispensible—in the league is then a process of choosing which player that is most valuable to his team is a better player than the other players most valuable to their teams. So, in the end, it’s still picking the best player, unless done in a completely stupid fashion.
Trout is the best player in the American League. He should get the award. He won’t.
It [was] national Taco Day [yesterday] @Ten_Foot_Midget What do you think about Taco Pizza or Taco flavored Doritos? #TFMB—@franchise_davis
People need to stop messing with pizza. Taco pizza? Choco-pizza? This isn’t The Island of Doctor Moreau, people. (Oddly enough, Choco Tacos are awesome.) It’s also not Asia.
The only time you combine one standard dish with an otherwise unrelated foodstuff is when adding bacon to something. On pizza? Delicious. Wrapped around other meats. Damn near a must. On ice cream? I’m your huckleberry.
Pizza should be pizza. That means a normal dough, tomato or oil-based sauce, meat(s) and/or veggie(s), and mozzarella cheese. That is it. And if you eat plain cheese pizza you better be five years old.
As far as Taco Doritos go, a bag of them was my Twitter avatar for about a year, which should tell you something. Otherwise, this erotic picture should.
How much would you pay for a Jack Del Rio Jaguars leather jacket?—@Cmroczka
Does one even exist outside of Del Rio’s possession? I searched the net for, like, ten minutes and could only find this one (STUNNING!). Due to the possibility that one may not even exist anymore as he’s moved on to Denver and its ability to frighten scores of children, I would totally pay $100 for Del Rio’s.
The Del Rio creepy black leather jacket may in fact be the Holy Grail of awful NFL fashion. I can’t think of anything with the combination of rarity and abomination, excluding some of the suits draft picks wear to Madison Square Garden. If you can, I welcome suggestions at @Ten_Foot_Midget or firstname.lastname@example.org.
how long does it take you to write all the fake email questions?—@DennyWills
I have my students write them for extra credit. Hence the typos. This week was Homecoming Week, though, so they had no time for any. Sorry.
Thanks for emailing, tweeting, and reading. If your question did not get answered this time, that does not necessarily mean I am ignoring it. It may be saved for the next mailbag. Hopefully you’re a slightly better person now than you were ten minutes ago. If not, your loss.
Want your questions answered in a future Mailbag? Email them to email@example.com or tweet them with the hashtag #TFMB. No question, sports or otherwise, is off limits (with certain logistical exceptions, e.g. lots of naughty words or you type in Portuguese or you solicit my death). If you email, please include a signature.
Tim Baffoe attended the University of Iowa and Governors State University and began blogging at The Score after winning the 2011 Pepsi Max Score Search. He enjoys writing things about stuff, but not so much stuff about things. When not writing for 670TheScore.com, Tim corrupts America’s youth as a high school English teacher and provides a great service to his South Side community delivering pizzas (please tip him and his colleagues well). You can follow Tim’s inappropriate brain droppings on Twitter @Ten_Foot_Midget, but please don’t follow him in real life. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org. To read more of Tim’s blogs click here.