By Tim Baffoe-

(CBS) I have a dream today. I have a dream that one day ignorant people will be turned into fuel for our cars.

Most Americans are 25 percent corn chip anyway, so we just need to figure out how to harvest nacho cheese ethanol from the manboob that is the severe chunk of dumb in the U.S. of ‘Merica. Ignorant people like those below who believe the observance of the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. is not about taking stock of how we treat our fellow man or how one person’s vision of a better world positively inspired so many, but rather, according to these Sociology majors, how sports consumption has been positively and negatively (and often racistly) affected by a man who was shot in the face for wanting basic civil rights for all Americans.

And hopefully someday you’ll flow through the engines of vehicles not driving to see Jason Statham movies. But for now you’ll merely fuel my vitriol. Here are just some of the many stupid people out there who really get the whole spirit of the holiday wrong, and in some cases, the actual work of the man wrong:

Damn straight.

Damn straight.


Yeah… I don’t… see, that’s not… whatever. COLLEDGE!

Do all of you know that MLK ruined everything for white people?

“Yep.” – almost every owner of a professional sports franchise

I mean, I’m all for civil rights and stuff, but when they made Martin Luther the King, I don’t think they understood that he was just going to make white Americans all worse at sports.

Reagan had the CIA introduce crack into urban communities to get even for Dr. King introducing Erythropoietin into white sociopaths on bikes. Fact.

Why would you want to ruin an NBA basketball game like that?

We are the 2%.

Because segregation is amusing!

1. “there”
2. “are”
3. This is the first white supremecist to call for Bill Clinton Day as proper representation.
4. Of course his name is Shelby.

Central Missouri should be proud to add such an ass to its Mules baseball team, as his bio states. Oh, and “his” website is because he’s white and wouldn’t be on a black dating site because irony and he just read “The Gift of the Magi” in English class and reading is gay. He’s not racist, though. Just a Mitt Romney fan in high school.

You, sir, are our generation’s Jackie Robinson (who retired from the MLB more than eleven years prior to King’s assassination).

“We’ve got some difficult days ahead. The Lakers are no good. The Heat will probably come out of the East again. But it really doesn’t matter with me now, because I’ve been to the mountaintop. And I don’t mind.”

BREAKING: MLK faked his death in order to cuddle and hear how Tim Tebow was observing MLK Day.

So… he…  ended the NHL lockout?

Needs more aircraft carrier.

Right, but when will a caricature costume of him race against an oversized Malcolm X, JFK, and Medgar Evers after the fifth inning of a baseball game? He deserves at least that much for adding so much excitement to sports. Oh, he has a memorial in the National Mall, you say? Poll Americans right now and see what they respect more—monuments or comically oversized running historical figures. I thought so.

“I ask that men put down their guns and raise their t-shirt cannons.” MLK, Jock Jams 1966

Al Gore invented the Internet, but Dr. King made it fun. Because King was a huge fan of bum fights (and not fascist Dr. Phil) and Dr. Martin Luth-Purr King’s sweet jams.

This person is literally made out of peppermint.

Especially when they’re played in shoes “embodying the feeling of struggle and determination” and would cost over $100 if sold to the public. You’ll never know a man’s struggle until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes made by underpaid civilly abused Chinese laborers.

Yes, Dr. King would be quite happy to know that his lasting contribution would be that pro sports are fun and stuff, brah.

FUN FACT: Dr. King staged a sit in at a Canton, Ohio lunchcounter until the NFL agreed to allow the forward pass.

LOL. As if you watch the news.

If you’ve never been to Dr. Marty’s Civil Bites, you haven’t lived. I can’t go a week without a Birminghamburger and a Desegregated Death By White Chocolate.

There you have it. Nobody of any race could play sports had it not been for Dr. King. Also, nobody could do etc. Think about that next time you hear a child laugh or you make a sandwich or you breathe or etc.

Etc., indeed.

tim baffoe small Baffoe: Let’s Mock Sports Fans Who Don’t Understand MLK Day

Tim Baffoe

Tim Baffoe attended the University of Iowa and Governors State University and began blogging at The Score after winning the 2011 Pepsi Max Score Search. He enjoys writing things about stuff, but not so much stuff about things. When not writing for, Tim corrupts America’s youth as a high school English teacher and provides a great service to his South Side community delivering pizzas (please tip him and his colleagues well). You can follow Tim’s inappropriate brain droppings on Twitter @Ten_Foot_Midget, but please don’t follow him in real life. E-mail him at To read more of Tim’s blogs click here.

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