Reporting Tim Baffoe
By Tim Baffoe-
(CBS) I have a dream today. I have a dream that one day ignorant people will be turned into fuel for our cars.
Most Americans are 25 percent corn chip anyway, so we just need to figure out how to harvest nacho cheese ethanol from the manboob that is the severe chunk of dumb in the U.S. of ‘Merica. Ignorant people like those below who believe the observance of the life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. is not about taking stock of how we treat our fellow man or how one person’s vision of a better world positively inspired so many, but rather, according to these Sociology majors, how sports consumption has been positively and negatively (and often racistly) affected by a man who was shot in the face for wanting basic civil rights for all Americans.
And hopefully someday you’ll flow through the engines of vehicles not driving to see Jason Statham movies. But for now you’ll merely fuel my vitriol. Here are just some of the many stupid people out there who really get the whole spirit of the holiday wrong, and in some cases, the actual work of the man wrong:
Ok why the hell is NBA retweeting hella MLK quotes..im pretty sure theyre supposed to tweet about sports…—
J.a.t.i.n. (@JCrossover2) January 21, 2013
Its best you be a gentleman and you watch what you say.—
J.a.t.i.n. (@JCrossover2) January 21, 2013
MLK's influence on sports, really First Take. And of course Stephen A Smith is going off about it—
pat maloney (@RealestMaloney) January 14, 2013
OF COURSE THE BLACK GUY IS TALKING ABOUT THE BLACK GUY ON THIS SHOW I WATCH TO JUSTIFY MY DISTASTE FOR BLACK GUYS WHILE PERFECTING MY RAPESTACHE.
Yeah… I don’t… see, that’s not… whatever. COLLEDGE!
Do all of you know that MLK ruined everything for white people?
On this MLK Day, you should understand what he did … ruin sports for white people—
Andrew Douglas (@andrewpdouglas) January 21, 2013
“Yep.” – almost every owner of a professional sports franchise
Thank you MLK for making all sports more difficult for me and the white race.—
Zach McEntire (@zachmc34) January 21, 2013
I mean, I’m all for civil rights and stuff, but when they made Martin Luther the King, I don’t think they understood that he was just going to make white Americans all worse at sports.
But MLK is also the reason why white people in sports are no longer relevant. All we had left was Lance Armstrong..—
Shawn Palmer (@ShawnFkingPalma) January 21, 2013
Reagan had the CIA introduce crack into urban communities to get even for Dr. King introducing Erythropoietin into white sociopaths on bikes. Fact.
Why would you want to ruin an NBA basketball game like that?
I do my part to help MLK's dream come true by being the only white dude at the basketball court 98% of the time—
Herb (@HerbMcDerb) January 21, 2013
We are the 2%.
There's no way to celebrate mlk day than by having a minority vs white basketball game.—
Michael Collins (@the_real_mc27) January 21, 2013
Because segregation is amusing!
3. This is the first white supremecist to call for Bill Clinton Day as proper representation.
4. Of course his name is Shelby.
Central Missouri should be proud to add such an ass to its Mules baseball team, as his bio states. Oh, and “his” website is blackpeoplemeet.com because he’s white and wouldn’t be on a black dating site because irony and he just read “The Gift of the Magi” in English class and reading is gay. He’s not racist, though. Just a Mitt Romney fan in high school.
Celebrating MLK by playing basketball with all my white friends.—
Chris. (@obeychris_) January 21, 2013
You, sir, are our generation’s Jackie Robinson (who retired from the MLB more than eleven years prior to King’s assassination).
hoops at 1 thank you MLK—
The Great Black (@MecirChannel) January 21, 2013
“We’ve got some difficult days ahead. The Lakers are no good. The Heat will probably come out of the East again. But it really doesn’t matter with me now, because I’ve been to the mountaintop. And I don’t mind.”
bein lazy n watchin sports center in bed all day w my boo … love u MLK—
makenzie logan (@m_logaannn) January 21, 2013
BREAKING: MLK faked his death in order to cuddle and hear how Tim Tebow was observing MLK Day.
So… he… ended the NHL lockout?
Needs more aircraft carrier.
If it weren't for MLK jr., sports would be boring. So thank you.—
Truman (@truman1015) January 21, 2013
Right, but when will a caricature costume of him race against an oversized Malcolm X, JFK, and Medgar Evers after the fifth inning of a baseball game? He deserves at least that much for adding so much excitement to sports. Oh, he has a memorial in the National Mall, you say? Poll Americans right now and see what they respect more—monuments or comically oversized running historical figures. I thought so.
“I ask that men put down their guns and raise their t-shirt cannons.” MLK, Jock Jams 1966
Yoooo, shout out to my boy MLK. Because of him, professional sports and the internet are actually entertaining.—
Jayson Winsor (@JayWinsy) January 21, 2013
Thanks MLK, without you sports would be way less exciting.—
Charlie Carlson (@Empirechuk) January 21, 2013
This person is literally made out of peppermint.
S/O to MLK without you sports would be a lot less entertaining. So thank you for that.—
Xavier Robinson (@XavierTh3Savior) January 21, 2013
Especially when they’re played in shoes “embodying the feeling of struggle and determination” and would cost over $100 if sold to the public. You’ll never know a man’s struggle until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes made by underpaid civilly abused Chinese laborers.
Happy MLK day. Without him the world would be a completely different place today and professional sports would not even be fun to watch.—
Dylan Leonard (@DontJumpWith_Me) January 21, 2013
Yes, Dr. King would be quite happy to know that his lasting contribution would be that pro sports are fun and stuff, brah.
Shout out to MLK, professional sports would be garbage if it wasn't for him!—
Brett Bandy (@thebandymancan) January 21, 2013
FUN FACT: Dr. King staged a sit in at a Canton, Ohio lunchcounter until the NFL agreed to allow the forward pass.
LOL. As if you watch the news.
MLK thank you for good sports, good music, and good eaterys!—
The Cooper Lyon™ (@TheCooperLyon) January 21, 2013
If you’ve never been to Dr. Marty’s Civil Bites, you haven’t lived. I can’t go a week without a Birminghamburger and a Desegregated Death By White Chocolate.
HAPPY MARTIN LUTHER KING DAY if it wasn't 4 him it wouldn't been no black or white or other race playing sports etc—
joseph Wilson (@jdmking35) January 21, 2013
There you have it. Nobody of any race could play sports had it not been for Dr. King. Also, nobody could do etc. Think about that next time you hear a child laugh or you make a sandwich or you breathe or etc.
Tim Baffoe attended the University of Iowa and Governors State University and began blogging at The Score after winning the 2011 Pepsi Max Score Search. He enjoys writing things about stuff, but not so much stuff about things. When not writing for 670TheScore.com, Tim corrupts America’s youth as a high school English teacher and provides a great service to his South Side community delivering pizzas (please tip him and his colleagues well). You can follow Tim’s inappropriate brain droppings on Twitter @Ten_Foot_Midget, but please don’t follow him in real life. E-mail him at firstname.lastname@example.org. To read more of Tim’s blogs click here.