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Baffoe: Let’s Mock Stupid Reactions To Derrick Rose’s Injury

Derrick Rose. (Credit: Getty Images)

Derrick Rose. (Credit: Getty Images)

Tim Baffoe - clean background Tim Baffoe
Tim Baffoe attended the University of Iowa before earning his de...
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By Tim Baffoe-

(CBS) Derrick Rose tore the meniscus in his right knee and will miss the remainder of the 2013-2014 season. It’s unfortunate and sucky and awful and disappointing and frustrating and gut-punching.

For Derrick Rose.

He is a fierce competitor who wants nothing more than victories and championships, not shoe deals or player contracts (even though those are nice gravy).

For you, it’s all those same adjectives but on a much, much different and smaller level. You are a fan, and Bulls basketball is not your livelihood as it is Rose’s. Your entertainment is hindered by this, but your personal responsibilities are not.

Still, though, this news has you very emotional, right? And you need to have those emotions justified. You need to abandon proper perspective.

Enter a convenient narrative. Derrick Rose is scared/soft/vaginal/brittle/lazy/a bust/a Communist/a product of a _____ culture that condones taking the easy way out. A torn meniscus is a ___-week injury, not a season ender. You tore your meniscus and were soon back dunking on very large men. Russell Westbrook tore his meniscus in April and missed only four games of this season.

Ignore that it was the Bulls that called the preemptive strike and shut Rose down following his Monday surgery. Ignore that Westbrook tore his lateral meniscus and Rose his medial meniscus. Ignore that there are two types of meniscus surgery and “Rose could have undergone a procedure with a shorter recovery timeline but more painful long-term implications. Instead, the 25-year-old Rose seems to have taken the more patient path, which the Bulls likely endorsed given their long-term interests in Rose’s future.” Ignore a star guard like Brandon Roy returning to play eight days after meniscus surgery and now having zero meniscuses left and zero career. Ignore that with a healthy Rose the Bulls likely weren’t winning a championship this season and to work to shorten their superstar’s career would be foolish.

Ignore and tweet your irrational thoughts. And get mocked.

You mean 2008-2009, 2009-2010, and 2010-2011?


This is what you get for endorsing things Mitch Albom says.

OH A JOKE I LIKE JOKES.


Keep fighting for the truth, man.

Thank you for clarifying because I would have otherwise thought it was because you’re just not very creative.

Right 18 months after.

Dr. Derrek Rose must be a big name in orthopedic surgeries, I guess.

Find me a person that has played Twister in the last year that wasn’t doing so very drunk and/or nude. I dare you.

I don’t know what that means, but you look like if Robin Thicke had his funeral at age 12.


Yeah, but that was because you wear a Livestrong bracelet, and as we all know those contain magic powers. Like being able to magically make money for cancer research money disappear.

YEAH, JESUS WAS BACK FROM BEING ASPHIXIATED AFTER JUST THREE DAYS AND THEY TORE THE MENISCUS OF HIS HANDS AND FEET WITH NAILS.

BE BASKETBALL JESUS, DRAMA QUEEN. #MANUP

Soft.

Hard.

This just in your name is Tyler…

…and you type in a forced ethnic dialect…

…and you have weed socks and are so hilarious, bruh.

Does that mean you’re sitting out your job working for a media branch I’ve never heard of before?

Your employer telling you that they are not allowing you to work due to your medical condition is cowardly and un-jungle-catlike.

Remember that time you tried to converse with a parody account of an athlete?

“Now Marge, just remember, if something goes wrong at the plant, blame the guy who can’t speak English. Ah, Tibor, how many times have you saved my butt?”―Homer Simpson

I DEMAND A RECALL. ROSE IS VIOLATING OUR CONSTITUTIONAL BASKETBALL RIGHTS. HE AIN’T MY MVP. IMPEACH HIM AND SEND HIM BACK TO ENGLEWOOD. #TCOT

But is it possible it’s all a dastardly lie?

Hmm… I like it, but can we make the conspiracy theory even more tinfoiled?

Perfect. Good work everybody.

Silly me. I almost forgot the homophobes.


Yes, he should have good old fashioned hetero sex with his knee or something.

When a dbag like this calls out other dbags for massive dbaggery, a tear occurs in the giant cosmic dbag, thus birthing Dane Cook.

Right, because of that choking reputation Rose has with a postseason career average of 25.1 points and 7.3 assists.

Fin.