Tacky Monument To Nouveau Riche: Half-Off Sale On Massive Suburban Home
By John Dodge
CHICAGO (CBS) — If $3.5 million is the same to you as lunch money is to the common man, then perhaps there is a home up in north suburban Wadsworth for you.
In a testament to bad design and taste, this 15,500-square-foot estate is on the market for half of what it apparently cost to build in 2004.
For that price, you get five bedrooms, 7.5 bathrooms, a pool, a tennis court and a $51,000 annual property tax bill.
According to the listing, the home comes furnished (thanks, but no) and is a “once in a lifetime opportunity” and “ideal for lavish entertaining.”
The front of the home has four cylindrical structures that look like parking deck ramps or barn silos. There is very little landscaping and really no privacy from the street.
In a clear violation of the “form follows function” credo, the entry includes this pointless double stairway. Why does a family home need two stairways going to the same spot? There is no practical purpose. The result is a garish, intimidating space.
This staircase, with its tight, awkward angles looks like it was built by a Lego master builder–except that anything built out of Legos would be much more impressive.
This high-end range looks nice, but what is going on with that thing behind it? It looks like directions to something bought from IKEA.
Does a homeowner smart enough to be worth millions need to know where to put pots and cooking utensils? And if it was ever possible for granite counter tops to look ugly, mission accomplished.
A multi-million dollar estate, comes with a chain link fence.
The home theater meets a room at the Palace of Versailles. At least it’s dark while in use.
Why do these homes get built? The answer is because they can.
The tragedy is that the only way to resell them is to offer them at a massive discount (“any reasonable offer will be considered,” the listing says), which likely means the owner is probably not going to worry about missing a few million dollars in the transaction.