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Hipster Apocalypse? 7-Eleven Selling Slurpee Mason Jars

Slurpee Mason jars. (CBS)

Slurpee Mason jars. (CBS)

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By John Dodge

CHICAGO (CBS) — The “hipster” era has reached a defining moment in its history.

A sign of the hipster apocalypse comes on news that 7-Eleven is selling plastic Mason jars with moustache straws for its Slurpee beverages. The hipster movement appears to be under assault.

Sara Morrison of The Wire wrote that this development marks the end of whatever was left of “hipsterism.”

“Hipsters are a subculture of men and women typically in their 20s and 30s that value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter,” according to the Urban Dictionary.

Many of them can be found in Wicker Park.

CBS Chicago has learned that to be truly hipster, one must drink from a used Mason jar.

It doesn’t count if you bought one in a store.

It had to be used for another purpose, like for blueberry jam, pickles or canned peaches.

However, now that one can buy a Slurpee Mason jar and moustache straw at 7-Elevens in Chicago, there is an argument that it can no longer be hipster.

For years, college students have been drinking beverages from Mason jars. However, those were never used for purposes other than drinking.

As for moustaches?

They seem to be everywhere. On whistles, cars (pink ones on Lyft vehicles) and, of course, candy.

“They’re too ubiquitous now to be hipster,” said cultural analyst Mason Johnson, who also happens to work for CBS Digital in Chicago. “Not only above the lips of men trying to hide that they’re millennials and in the photo booths at hip bars, but now at 7-Eleven. 7-Eleven definitely seems like the anti-hipster. All I know is this: never has a mustache tasted this good.”

Mason Johnson. (Credit: Mason Johnson)

Mason Johnson. (Credit: Mason Johnson)

Yes, they are on Slurpee straws.

The package comes with important safety tips.

Slurpee 1

Just a few days ago, 7-Eleven announced that the Slurpee jar-moustache combo would be available at participating stores.

CBS Chicago scored one at the store on the corner of Dearborn and Lake in the Loop.

It cost about $3.25 and the first Slurpee was free.

The Squirt flavor was selected.

It was quite refreshing.

It seems the jars were so new that the clerk seemed to be having difficulty figuring out how to charge for the purchase.

Then there was this:

The hipster Slurpee with gluten free vodka? (CBS)

The hipster Slurpee with gluten free vodka? (CBS)

Um, no.

Actually another clerk offered to sell us different bottle of vodka, with a broken plastic cap, for half price.

Again, thanks, but no.

A most decidedly unhip John Dodge enjoys a Squirt Slurpee with no vodka. (CBS)

A most decidedly unhip John Dodge enjoys a Squirt Slurpee with no vodka. (CBS)

“While everyone loves Slurpee drinks year-round, summertime is definitely Slurpee season,” said Laura Gordon, 7-Eleven vice president of brand innovation and marketing. “I suspect we will see lots of Slurpee mustache photos on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter (@slurpee or @7eleven).

Instagram? Now that’s hipster.

P.S. The reporter has a really awful sugar buzz right now.