Everyone’s dumping ice water on their heads. And they’re doing it for a good cause: Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), also known as Lou Gehrig’s Disease. Here’s how the ice bucket challenge works, for those of you living under an Internet rock this past week. Anyone challenged must dump a bucket of ice water on their head within 24 hours or donate $100 to an ALS-related charity. The campaign is raising awareness and money for a good cause, and getting a lot of people wet.
While the people dousing themselves with ice water are doing it by choice, some people in the sports world, frankly, deserve it. And not in the Gatorade “We Are The Champions!” sense. Their words or actions of late show that they’ve taken leave of their senses, and nothing short of a severe jolt to the system will bring them back to reality. Even that might not work.
Let’s look at the people — or groups of people — in sports who deserve to be doused with ice water.
1. Cleveland Browns Fans
Johnny Manziel has done a lot of great things in his young, extremely well documented life. Here are a couple things not on that list:
1. Played in a regular season NFL game
2. Played against a first-string NFL defense
When he does, probably pretty early in September, he won’t have much help. The Browns aren’t what you’d reasonably call an offensive powerhouse. Manziel will be learning on the fly, while running for his life. Browns fans need to lower their expectations for 2014-2015. Your Cavs may end the season with an NBA Championship. Your Browns will be lucky to win six games and keep their young quarterback in one piece.
2. Dallas Cowboys Tattoo Fan
Everyone loves their favorite team. And like Browns supporters, we often have unrealistic expectations. It’s all part of being a fan. But one overconfident Dallas Cowboys fan went a little further, getting “Cowboys World Champs 2015” tattooed on his arm.
Let’s ignore for a moment that the Cowboys defense couldn’t stop the local Rotary Club charity drive. Let’s forget that the gimpy Tony Romo can’t win a playoff game even when healthy.A Super Bowl victory is far from a sure thing for even the best teams. That Seattle fan who’s tattoo prediction came true basically just got really lucky. And his team was good.
Remember, tattoos are permanent, as an forever. An ice bath now might wake up this guy, but it can’t wash away the ink.
3. Dallas Cowboys
NFL teams often train together during training camp. It’s a way to switch things up and see how you stack up against the competition. A recent Dallas Cowboys/Oakland Raiders practice session turned into a full-on brawl, with the aforementioned atrocious Cowboys defense squaring off against the equally underwhelming Raiders offense.
It’s nice to see teams show a little heart, but there’s no need to fight. The Cowboys need to save their energy for the main event: the race for the top pick in the 2015 draft.
4. Oakland Raiders
And so do the Raiders.
5. Boston Red Sox
Wake up! Didn’t you just win the World Series last season? Can you really be this bad so soon?
Apparently, yes. The Red Sox are sitting ugly at 55-65 as of this writing. That’s 14.5 games back in the the AL East — last place. Their hitting has been terrible. Their pitching has been a little better. Of course, most of the starters were traded away leading up to the recent trade deadline. So, um, yeah.
It might be too late for a wake-up call in Boston. At least tickets to Fenway are easier to come by.
6. Washington Wizards Fans
I guess I can use the plural of “fan” after last season’s playoff run. There was a time, in the not-so-distant past, when the Wizards had exactly one fan: my dad. Now they have a few, maybe a dozen.
And every one of them is obsessed with Kevin Durant playing in Washington in 2016.
It could happen. Durant is a Washington native, and the Wizards are now a legitimate contender… in August of 2014… when no actual NBA games are played. A lot will happen over the next two seasons to influence Durant’s next move. In fact, everything that happens will probably influence it. Now is waaaaaaaaay too early to speculate. So as Lloyd Dobler put it, “You must chill!”
7. Tim Tebow
It’s good to have a dream. But this dream is just not going to become reality. You have a bright future, Tim, just not as a quarterback in the NFL.
8. Tony Stewart
Listen to your PR person BEFORE you talk about the recent fatality on the track, that you played a role in.
Norm Elrod likes sports and other sanctioned forms of craziness.