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Baffoe: Aroldis Chapman & The Capacity For Change

By Tim Baffoe--

(CBS) New Cubs closer Aroldis Chapman said the following in March:

"Today, I accepted a 30-game suspension from Major League Baseball resulting from my actions on Oct. 30, 2015. I want to be clear, I did not in any way harm my girlfriend that evening. However, I should have exercised better judgment with respect to my actions, and for that I am sorry ... Out of respect for my teammates and my family, I will have no further comment."

A day later, ignoring that psychological violence is still violence, Chapman said:

"I'm apologizing because of the use of the gun. It was bad judgment on my part. But I also want to say that I never hurt my girlfriend. I want this to be very clear."

In four-plus months it's clear that Chapman, at least through these statements issued through an interpreter, is still of the same mind regarding not owning a domestic violence incident involving his girlfriend last October in which he also fired gunshots in a garage of a home in the Miami area. Following his trade from the New York Yankees to the Cubs on Monday, Chapman released the following (emphasis added):

"As you know, earlier this year I accepted and served a 30-game suspension from Major League Baseball resulting from my actions of October 30, 2015. I regret that I did not exercise better judgment and for that I am truly sorry. Looking back, I feel I have learned from this matter and have grown as a person. My girlfriend and I have worked hard to strengthen our relationship, to raise our daughter together and would appreciate the opportunity to move forward without revisiting an event we consider part of our past. Out of respect for my family, I will not comment any further on this matter."

There can be a capacity for change, for improvement and righting a wrong. What's troubling is that Chapman hasn't shown that. And he's outwardly shown little to try to restore any karmic balance via working with domestic violence organizations or educating himself and what really is domestic violence, including and beyond putting your hands on a partner or child, especially in an incident involving a gun.

Now comes the lecture, right? The rest of this column is me shaming any and all who are excited by this trade, isn't it? Give it the ol' Ray McDonald treatment. Rehash the "not your friend" piece from last August.

It was going to be when the trade seemed all but finalized Sunday night. Luckily and randomly this came my way in the meantime:

Don't click the link to that piece. It's bad and insensitive and full of many of the weak logical balms people use to absolve themselves of mixing morality with their sports. I own it, but I'm not proud of it.

What gets me about that piece, though, is I had completely forgotten about it -- writing it, what Brett Myers did, the whole thing. That's a symptom of a larger problem regarding how we collectively treat domestic violence, that we allow ourselves to forget (and thus forgive) so easily.

The White Sox acquiring Myers and my bad take on it was four years ago. I don't think those things anymore, even though I did hold those difficult rooting justifications dear for a most of my life. My attitude toward the Chapman acquisition is about 179 degrees from that.

There's no one lightbulb moment that changed my mind and pointed my moral compass toward not automatically negotiating privileged athletes who are accused of harming others. Instead it was a progression of multiple years worth of being exposed to people educated and experienced in such matters. It involved reading -- a lot of difficult reading. Essays, testimonials, tweets, novels, you name it.

Most of all, it involved allowing the possibility that my opinions were wrong, then doing my best to shut up when opinions rooted in education and experience were presented. It involved learning when the right time to ask questions was and then forming those questions constructively. Above all, it was about listening.   

I claim no authority now on the intersection of sports and violence against women, but I do consider myself an example of capacity for change. Learning can happen if someone makes the choice to want to learn.

Chapman could make that better choice as a Cub. None of his responses to his own violent choices - -and they are choices, not "mistakes," as some like to call them -- suggest he will, which is why I'm not in favor of him wearing a Cubs uniform today. But nothing about what I wrote about Brett Myers, who punched his wife in the face in public, suggested that I'd be less of a dumbass contributor to a culture of tacit acceptance of violence against women. I'm aware that abusive men rarely change mentally, but I'm aware that most terrible sports opinions hardly evolve either. I'm an exception in this specific case, and I should allow the opportunity for others to occur.

Not just in Chapman or the next athlete later this week who will be accused of domestic violence, but in sports organizations, too.

The Cubs didn't bungle this in the press the way, say, the Blackhawks did with Patrick Kane last year, but they've been far from perfect (and there's no perfect way to talk about trading for a bad guy like Chapman, because you're ultimately putting winning above human beings). Tom Ricketts, Theo Epstein, Jed Hoyer and Joe Maddon have been out there willing to take all questions about this, which is cool, but at the end of the day it's all still spin.  

That's not true, Theo, even though this team employed Milton Bradley before you got here and any number of scum before and in between.

That has the icky feel of George McCaskey and Ray McDonald. It would be nice if rather than mere promises over the phone and settling on "He's not beating his girlfriend anymore," the Cubs implemented some PR events involving Chapman and any other members of the team who want to better themselves through experience and education. And they still might, who knows? I'm not allowed to shut that door.

Nor do I get to tell you how to properly watch the Cubs now or what you're allowed to enjoy. If you can read a documentation of fan conflict like this and still not be a little conflicted yourself, I'm not sure what else can move you.

But I understand this is a layered issue, and I can't write off you the fan who's bothered that I'm bothered by Chapman as a Cub. I think you're lazy and willfully ignorant for now, but I don't assume you're made of stone. I'd be a hypocrite if I lectured you or simply assumed you can't change, too -- even if it takes years as it did for me.

But you have to want it. You have to be willing to listen, to read, to entertain multiple thoughts in your head, to not think in all-or-nothing binary. In the meantime -- and it's the hardest part -- you need to make yourself shut up. Consume instead of producing air. Avoid making the same counterproductive comments that get said regarding every Chapman any team in any sport. Condition your ego to take a backseat to the experiences and value of other people. Know that your passion for sports isn't more important than the very real pain of victims. Only ask questions of others if you've exhausted options of finding answers on your own, and don't feel entitled to a satisfactory answer or one at all. And if you are granted a response, digest it instead of reflexively commenting.

And holy hell, don't write a column forgiving yourself for wanting to be entertained.

I got paid to write that Brett Myers piece, to talk instead of listen, and that feels so gross. So I donated today to
A New Direction Beverly/Morgan Park, an organization involving my neighborhood and some acquaintances. I'm sure they and organizations like them would appreciate your donation of time or money, too, even if it's an indulgence to make up for cheering for an unapologetic abuser.

Aroldis Chapman talked about changing but hasn't actually done so beyond not yet repeating his violence. He could evolve, though. Maybe. Doubtfully.

I did. I still am. And I have to grant you the opportunity to do so without a hypocritical lecture from me.

Tim Baffoe is a columnist for CBSChicago.com. Follow Tim on Twitter @TimBaffoe. The views expressed on this page are those of the author, not CBS Local Chicago or our affiliated television and radio stations.

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