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Baffoe: Alternate Facts Of The Chicago Sports World

By Tim Baffoe--

(CBS) The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.  -- George Orwell, 1984 (Book 1, Chapter 7)

It's our new phrase du jour (or whatever is French of "of the year") of 2017: "alternative facts."

Said by President Donald Trump counselor Kellyanne Conway on Sunday in response to being pressed about Press Secretary Sean Spicer spazzily lying about inauguration day crowd sizes in an ill-fitting suit without any serious repercussions for either offense, it seems in retrospect a natural next step in our "post-truth" world of being gaslighted and intellectually distorted until those who care can't yell over the fatigue and apathy anymore.

Sports is politics, and politics sure as hell is a sport, so it also seems logical that the sports world would be absorbed into the blob of obfuscation. And yet maybe here in Chicago, we've been living in an Orwellian cloud of 2 + 2 = 5 for a while. Consider, if you will…

Any Chicago Bears press conference is an exercise in this double-speak that would impress the most hardened of political lackeys. The McCaskeys are mad and embarrassed after this season, like they were after the Phil Emery/Marc Trestman devolution that set the franchise back years. They're still mad, those McCaskeys. And embarrassed. George was emotional, again. This are going to change. This time. Again.

Big Brother Ryan Pace came from behind the great curtain to speak/read to the masses after the final dreadful game. He had spent the season hiding, presumably manufacturing the success story that's to come.

"Everything is on the table," the Bears general manager said when asked about the pressing quarterback situation heading into the offseason.

This would presumably include not taking a quarterback in the upcoming draft for the third year in a row despite Pace saying when he was hired that you should draft a quarterback every year. And it means trading for Jimmy Garoppolo because trading with the New England Patriots is always a good idea. And it means keeping Jay Cutler, who will "be the first to know" when they decide what quarterback direction the team is going. It's all plain as day.

Meanwhile, Pace's attack dog head coach sat beside him, sort of trying to hide his contempt for the hot-dog gobbling media swine who dare question the almighty John Fox Way of the Football. When there were injuries, Fox assured us that he wasn't a doctor and the player in question was being evaluated and was absolutely not dying of compartment syndrome, promise. That player -- pick one, any one of the 47 or so who missed time due to injury -- was then out anywhere from two weeks to 2018.

Fox is a firm believer in the supposed evil that exists in the media, much like the current political powers that be. His and the Bears' own alternative facts are the only way to ensure the Party at Halas Hall isn't compromised by meddling writers and their valid questions about the suckage.

The alternative fact of the Blackhawks is that they would have you know that they've had no significant scandals or issues with a gender section of their fan base this season so far. Check that -- they want you to be unconscious of anything that isn't actual hockey. Hence nobody talking about anything about the Blackhawks these days except their league-leading four All-Stars in 2017 and Western Conference points lead and their superstar back to being the appropriate face of the league. Nobody talks about any negative off-ice issues because the hockey is good. Like presidential tax returns, nobody cares because the people that want nobody to care said so.

Just bring up anything off ice to someone in a Griswold sweater, and you'll quickly be made aware of how much s/he doesn't care. Like "uses three exclamation points in earnest" doesn't care. Like media should apologize for all the damage they've caused. Damage that the No. 88 shirseys don't care about but still want a pound of flesh for. Always remember that it's the writers who are doing a disservice to the alternative facts.

Or you could suggest that recent organizational culture has soured the fun of the hockey experience as a conscientious viewer, and those who don't care will be sure to let you know how problematic your snowflake conscience is. They don't care oh so much, and the team then can focus on hockey thanks to the dutiful service of the could-not-care-less. Make the Blackhawks great again, and anything else not helpful to the Party's interests quickly fades into a background of a footnote. But this is the year Corey Crawford proves he's a liability.

You're also to understand that the Bulls know what they're doing. You and I don't know how the current roster and future drafts outside the lottery will get them out of the perpetual rut of fifth-to-10th place in the East, but they will. Especially because they got younger and more athletic. This happened because general manager Gar Forman said that's what would happen. And then he signed Dwyane Wade and Rajon Rondo, the latter of who is now a trade piece who surely will bring something valuable in return. Brilliant, if you really think about it.

Bulls coach Fred Hoiberg said Rondo looked slow of late when Hoiberg benched him in late December. Can't be compromising all that athleticism out there, according to Party Head of Christmas Cheer John Paxson. And as we saw with the Joakim Noah benching last season, Hoiberg is always on the up and up regarding big -ame benchings. Hoiberg's "a natural leader and a great communicator," according to Party Minister Forman when one hired the other.

Next season may reportedly take another dip in the fountain of youth and bring in Chris Bosh. And then some idiot in the media can write another foolhardy column on how the Bulls are interesting in November before they drive off a cliff. Surely that Bobcats draft pick will boost this team.

The White Sox seem to be trying to free themselves of foggy communication, both in house and with the public. For a while it's been executive vice president Kenny Williams contradicting general manager Rick Hahn on multiple organizational philosophies. But trading ace Chris Sale for a nice haul in return from the Boston Red Sox, swindling the Washington Nationals for Adam Eaton and continuing to work on a Jose Quintana trade is all Hahn, and his talk of a process sounds eerily like that untrustworthy "plan" stuff that got the baseball team on the other side of town nowhere. Oh, for the days of demands by the Party that people stay out of White Sox business.

Yeah, right. "The Cubs won the World Series." Bah. The least believable bit of fake news of all. No matter what evidence your eyes and ears told you.

Tim Baffoe is a columnist for CBSChicago.com. Follow Tim on Twitter @TimBaffoe. The views expressed on this page are those of the author, not CBS Local Chicago or our affiliated television and radio stations.

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