Shepkowski: An Apology On Behalf Of Illinois On Halloween

By Nick Shepkowski–

(CBS) I was born in Joliet in 1986 and in the 31 years since, I’ve spent my entire life as an Illinois resident. And as a lifelong resident, I need to say something to the rest of the country.

I’m sorry. I’m very sorry.

Earlier Tuesday, I came across this tweet from Business Insider:

What in the actual hell, Illinois (and California, South Carolina and Utah for that matter)?

There’s no excuse to give out Almond Joy as your Halloween candy.

I don’t care if it was on a super-discount (it only was because it sucks and doesn’t sell), if it was the only candy left when you went last-minute shopping (because it sucks and nobody wants it) or if one of your kids told you they loved it (they lied). There’s absolutely no justifiable reason to hand out Almond Joy as your candy of choice this or any Halloween.

Think of it this way – if you walk into a candy store and can have anything, what is it you’re selecting?

Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups might be a generic answer, but they’re legendary for a reason. Sure, it’s boring to say, but the perfect combination of chocolate and peanut butter make this the Babe Ruth of candy. Nothing is comparable in its time.

Snickers are probably as close as anything gets to a Reese’s but are still a ways back, and that’s no knock on Snickers.

Shortly after you’ll find Butterfinger, Twix, Milky Way, Hershey, Crunch, Mr. Goodbar, Kit Kat, Whatchamacallit? and 100 Grand Bars on the chocolate side while Twizzlers, Nerds, Dots, Sour Patch Kids are just some of the viable options on the non-chocolate side.

Dear God, you’re selecting almost anything but Almond Joy.

Old, extremely hard and nasty almonds with a cheap chocolate covering?

Keep. It.

Now imagine being a kid walking up to your house this Halloween, all excited to be trick-or-treating and dressed up as dinosaur or zombie or whatever it is kids spent quality time making their costumes to be this fall. Imagine putting all that work in and being rewarded with — or should I say punished with — an Almond Joy.

Friends, I’m not saying I endorse this kind of behavior, but I’m warning you, this is the kind of act that will get your house egged later in the night.

I guess if you’re looking for at least one positive though, at least you didn’t go with Mounds or Candy Corn.

Happy Halloween.

Nick Shepkowski is a weekend host at 670 The Score and produces The Bernstein and Goff Show each weekday from 1 p.m.-6 p.m.  You can find all of his work here and follow him on Twitter @Shep670.

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