Astrology
Horrible Horoscopes: Capricorn
Listen Applebee’s (you’re a Capricorn, right?), we got bigger things to worry about than a woman breastfeeding her kid in your restaurant.
Horrible Horoscopes: Sagittarius
But gimme some slack, this woman ripped my heart out and ate it with her bare hands, red blood and pink, hearty bits going down her chin as she chewed…
Horrible Horoscopes: Libra
You, Lil Wayne, are a shining star. You’re a shining, shooting star. You’re buzzin’ past Venus and Venus is all, “Hey! You can’t buzz past me,” and you’re like, “Whatever, Venus! Don’t tell me what to do!”
Horrible Horoscopes: Virgo
You don’t want to go to jail for revenge though, so let’s leave physical violence off the table. Physical violence isn’t cool, even if your girlfriend cheated on you with your sixty-five-year-old band teacher…
Horrible Horoscopes: Leo
I know, Fred Durst, you thought you were at the top of your game when you found an alternative, (dare I say, better?) way of spelling bizkit. And Ginger Spice, you’re probably wondering how you can spice up everyone’s lives any more than you already have! But let’s be honest, your best days are ahead of you, not behind you, guys.
Horrible Horoscopes: Cancer
Unless they bring Mayor McCheese and the Hamburgler back (you can keep Grimace in hiding), Burger King’s mascot just has more character than everything McDonald’s has goin’ on right now…
Horrible Horoscopes: Gemini
Sure, babies seem like a big responsibility. They’re like little, fat sacks of tears. But once they’re old enough, four or five maybe, they can do all sorts of useful things for you…
Horrible Horoscopes: Taurus
The Moon feels it’s a monumental waste of time to oppose gay marriage, and doesn’t quite understand why the country of the “free” can’t just, you know, ALLOW EVERYONE THE SAME RIGHTS…
Horrible Horoscopes: Pisces
Mason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, “What’s your sign?” at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius… ladies.
Horrible Horoscopes: Capricorn
Mason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, “What’s your sign?” at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius… ladies.
Horrible Horoscope: Sagittarius
Mason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, “What’s your sign?” at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius… ladies.
Horrible Horoscope: Scorpio
Mason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, “What’s your sign?” at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius… ladies.
Horrible Horoscopes: Libra
Mason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, “What’s your sign?” at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius… ladies.
Horrible Horoscopes: Virgo
Mason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, “What’s your sign?” at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius… ladies.
Horrible Horoscopes: Leo
Mason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, “What’s your sign?” at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius… ladies.
Horrible Horoscopes: Cancer
Mason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, “What’s your sign?” at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius… ladies.
Horrible Horoscopes: Gemini
Mason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, “What’s your sign?” at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius… ladies.
Horrible Horoscopes: Taurus
Mason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, “What’s your sign?” at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius… ladies.
Horrible Horoscopes: Aries
Mason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, “What’s your sign?” at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius… ladies.
Horrible Horoscopes
Mason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, “What’s your sign?” at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius… ladies.
Most Popular News
- Four Schools To Be Spared From Closing; Another To Be DelayedHours before a final vote by the Chicago Board of Education, Chicago Public Schools officials have agreed to back off of plans to close four of the 53 elementary schools targeted for closing at the end of the school year, Board Vice President Jesse Ruiz confirmed Wednesday morning.415
- Boy, 17, Fatally Shot In Back Of The YardsA teenage boy was fatally shot in the South Side Back of the Yards neighborhood Tuesday evening, police said.147
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- Police: Man Touches Woman’s Leg At South Loop CTA StationPolice are looking for man who inappropriately touched a woman at a South Loop CTA station Tuesday morning.147
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Twitter Updates
- Four CPS schools will be spared from closing at today's Board of Education vote. Another closing to be delayed. cbsloc.al/YZdSLk 2 hours ago
- RT @vincegerasole: Time in to @vikingvtv our guests 5 to 7am @hfhs59 very advanced media program at the school instagram.com/p/Zm_jbCvWEl/ 4 hours ago
