cancer love
Horrible Horoscopes: Cancer
The stars know where you can find love, Cancer. Somewhere large and indoors. A place of perpetual sales and bright fluorescent lights. They employ your grandfather–a man who put in 40 years at the plant and deserves a break, dammit–as a door greeter making minimum wage. The amount of misery their employees go through is only rivaled by the amount of money you can save by shopping there.
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Most Popular News
- Divers Pull Body From Lake Michigan On South SideA young man's body has been pulled from Lake Michigan, not far from where a missing University of Chicago student is believed to have been when he vanished during last week's thunderstorms.405
- Lewis Points Finger At ‘Rich White People’ For School ProblemsA day before the first set of school closings was set to begin, Chicago Teachers Union President Karen Lewis had some harsh words about how the Chicago Public Schools are funded and managed, blaming much of the district’s problems on racism.5875
- Man Shot To Death In South Suburban HomewoodNineteen-year-old Homewood resident Henry Kormoi died from at least one gunshot wound he suffered near home in the 1100 block of 187th Street.112
- State Discontinues Healthcare Funding For Disabled Stroke VictimUnconscionable. That's what a doctor calls a state decision to cut care funding for a patient.311
- Teen Says He Got E. Coli From Burrito At Lombard RestaurantA local teen says he got sick because of a burrito he ate from a local restaurant that's now the focus of an e coli outbreak.158
- Natura Pet Issues New Dog And Cat Food RecallNebraska-based Natura Pet Products has announced a new voluntary recall of multiple brands of dry pet food and treats. The decision comes after a positive test for Salmonella on April 3.7491
Contests & Promotions
- Win $1,000 In Gas From Hyundai! June 17, 2013Enter to win $1,000 in free gas from Hyundai! What’s better than free gas? How about the 2013 Elantra Limited with an EPA-Estimated 38 MPG Highway! 28 City/38 Hwy. EPA Estimates. For comparison only. Actual mileage may vary.
- Join Hankook Tire To Reel In The Next Big Catch May 20, 2013Join Hankook tire to reel in the next great catch! Click here to go to www.TirePrize.com and enter for your chance to win the ultimate fishing excursion in Puerto Rico!
- Marquette County Convention & Visitors Bureau Post Game Show Giveaway May 10, 2013Listen to The Score’s Baseball Post Game Show for your chance to win a $100 lodging gift certificate from the Marquette County Convention & Visitors Bureau!
- Enjoy Golf’s Best Round With GREY GOOSE Vodka May 1, 2013Enjoy Golf’s Best Round this season with GREY GOOSE Vodka! Visit your participating retailer today and purchase one 750 mL or larger bottle of GREY GOOSE Vodka to receive one free round of golf!
Twitter Updates
- Obama in #Berlin: US, Europe ‘Must Move Beyond The Mindset Of Perpetual War’: cbsloc.al/142mVeh 34 minutes ago
- Man charged with sex trafficking for 2nd time after allegedly kidnapping a Minnesota woman. cbsloc.al/12Ki84s 1 hour ago
