Horrible Love Horoscopes

Even when Miley smiles at Liam, she seems critical... sigh. (Credit: Frazer Harrison/Getty Images for PCA)

Horrible (Love) Horoscopes: Sagittarius & Capricorn

Capricorn, the stars get it, sometimes you feel like you’re comin’ up a few inches short. It’s natural. You shouldn’t let these fears bother you, particularly when you’re in a relationship with Sagittarius, who will seize any inadequacy festering inside your psyche and use it to bludgeon your soul to a shapeless, disgusting pulp. Imagine bad mayonaise resting sluggishly in a jar. That will be your soul, Capricorn.

01/30/2013

Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner Meet Young Fans

Horrible (Love) Horoscopes: Aries & Taurus

Aries & Taurus, you are by no means compatible. At all. And Taurus, come on, I thought the days of dating girls 100 years your junior were past you! True, love can overcome all odds, but some odds shouldn’t be overcome. Creepy near-pedophilia and vampiric cannibalism are two of those odds.

11/16/2012