Horrible Horoscopes: CancerPoor people? What's the deal. They're always hungry and stuff. So weird...
Horrible Horoscopes: CapricornListen Applebee’s (you’re a Capricorn, right?), we got bigger things to worry about than a woman breastfeeding her kid in your restaurant.
Horrible Horoscopes: LeoI know, Fred Durst, you thought you were at the top of your game when you found an alternative, (dare I say, better?) way of spelling bizkit. And Ginger Spice, you're probably wondering how you can spice up everyone's lives any more than you already have! But let's be honest, your best days are ahead of you, not behind you, guys.
Horrible Horoscopes: PiscesMason Johnson knows nothing about horoscopes or astrology. Seriously. When he was six, his mom thought it was funny to make him stick his head out the car window and scream, “What’s your sign?” at women walking by. That is the extent of his experience. Also, Mason is an Aquarius… ladies.