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Horrible Horoscopes: CancerThe stars know where you can find love, Cancer. Somewhere large and indoors. A place of perpetual sales and bright fluorescent lights. They employ your grandfather--a man who put in 40 years at the plant and deserves a break, dammit--as a door greeter making minimum wage. The amount of misery their employees go through is only rivaled by the amount of money you can save by shopping there.

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