Horrible Horoscopes: TaurusPeople are gullible sheep. Sheeple, if you want to get technical. Lie, and they’ll believe you. It can’t be a small lie though. Small lies never work. It’s gotta be a big lie. If you want to go to Disneyland, you can just say your children were kidnapped and you need to get them back Liam Neeson (a la Taken) style.
Missing: West Suburban Tortoise Susan and Andy Lechner say Lance, their African spurred tortoise, went missing from their yard in Lombard, where he was last seen grazing on grass last Sunday.

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