Tale Of The Tape: NHL Negotiations Vs. A Bad Date

  • Being Stood Up
    Locks you out of your workplace for months with security guards at the ready.
    Leaves you drinking water and eating table bread at a restaurant for over an hour before letting you know they can’t make it.
  • Who's Involved
    People who look like your grandfather with way too much make-up on and nothing like someone who had ever picked up a hockey stick.
    Someone who looks like your grandfather with way too much make-up on and nothing like that online personal you replied to.
  • Meeting Point
    Undisclosed locations that sound like dingy basements with blood-spattered walls and one fluorescent light bulb in the middle.
    A self-help seminar on how to trust people again after your parents put your dog to sleep and tell you he ran away.
  • Conversations
    Talks about money in a way only accountants and financial analysts can understand.
    Talks about money in a way only accountants and financial analysts would, as far as they know.
  • Possible 2nd Date?
    Abruptly breaks off talks and doesn’t speak to the other party for a week.
    Runs crying from the restaurant and calls you up a week later to tell you, “we should do this again.”
  • Outsider Perspective
    More action and drama than the NHL has had as a sport in years.
    Hilarious to everyone involved except the two people on the actual date.
RESULTS

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