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Horrible Horoscopes: Aries

September 29, 2012 2:00 PM

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Wow. His grandma's hot. Don't trust him though, he looks weasely! (Credit: Theo Wargo/Getty Images for Time Inc)

Wow. His grandma’s hot. Don’t trust him though, he looks weasely! (Credit: Theo Wargo/Getty Images for Time Inc)

By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.

98850304 Horrible Horoscopes: Aries

Wow. His grandma’s hot. Don’t trust him though, he looks weasely! (Credit: Theo Wargo/Getty Images for Time Inc)

Aries

DON’T TRUST HIM, ARIES.

That’s what the stars want you to know.

Sure, he claims he’s helping his grandmother on Sunday mornings. And when you went and spied on him, standing outside his grandmother’s house in sunglasses and a trench coat, he did in fact show up to help his grandma like he said.

BUT.

That doesn’t mean he’s not lying about something else.

I mean, is that nice, elderly woman even his grandmother? Maybe it’s the woman he’s cheating on you with. WHO KNOWS.

Only one thing is certain for the future: He will lie to you.

Horrible Horoscopes is updated Monday through Saturday at 12 and 2 pm. Find the latest Horrible Horoscopes here!

Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology, and is heartbroken. Literally.

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