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Horrible Horoscopes: Cancer

November 26, 2012 2:00 PM

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"Hahahaha, we hate the police" - probably not what Dr. Dre and Ice Cube are saying. (Credit: Kevin Winter/ImageDirect)

“Hahahaha, we hate the police” – probably not what Dr. Dre and Ice Cube are saying. (Credit: Kevin Winter/ImageDirect)

By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.

2245906 Horrible Horoscopes: Cancer

“Hahahaha, we hate the police” – probably not what Dr. Dre and Ice Cube are saying. (Credit: Kevin Winter/ImageDirect)

Cancer

Dear Cancer, your want for justice is keen. You yearn for it, you hunger for it, you thirst for it like a parched man thirsts for Grape Crush (way better than Fanta — Fanta’s terrible).

But sometimes, you should just let it go. Sometimes, justice just ain’t what you need.

Like, for example, when you’re buying drugs.

Cancer, if you’re stupid enough to bring $1,400 bucks to a drug meet, you deserved to get robbed. Do you really think anyone’s going to sympathize with you? Or take your side? Like, for example, the cops?

If the stars, Moon and NWA have any advice they can give you, Cancer, it’s this:

Don’t trust the police.

Horrible Horoscopes is updated Monday through Friday. Find the latest Horrible Horoscopes here!

Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology and usually goes “commando.”

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