Horrible Horoscopes: Capricorn

October 17, 2012 2:00 PM

DON'T TRUST HER, 'YE, IT'S A TRAP(Credit: Noel Vasquez/Getty Images)

DON’T TRUST HER, ‘YE, IT’S A TRAP(Credit: Noel Vasquez/Getty Images)

By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.

144264085 Horrible Horoscopes: Capricorn

DON’T TRUST HER, ‘YE, IT’S A TRAP(Credit: Noel Vasquez/Getty Images)


Capricorn, sometimes the harder path is most rewarding. Instead of rolling through life with ease, why not stand tall and trudge through it like a decent human being?

Ya jerk.

Seriously though, pretending to be disabled to cut a line is downright sinister. We’re talkin’ worse than stealing candy form a baby (cause, really, do those babies need that candy?). Your evil is on par with that German dude from Die Hard, Sauron’s Nazgûl, and Kim Kardashian (we gotta do something before she ruins Kanye).

Anyway, cut it out, yo.

Horrible Horoscopes is updated Monday through Friday. Find the latest Horrible Horoscopes here!

Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology.

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