By Mason Johnson
Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.
It’s not that your grandkids don’t love you, Gemini.
It’s that they have no need for you anymore.
They’re so preoccupied with the Googles and Faceborgs, they don’t need you to teach them about making pasta, building wicked-sweet bookshelves, or fly fishing rods.
“But I know so much about fly fishing!” you say?
If you look to your right, you’ll see that it took me .31 seconds to obtain 37,000,000 bits of advice about fly fishing on Google. How long would it take you to give me that much advice?
Heck, we all know kids would rather play Dr. Packing-Man — or whatever — than go fly fishing.
Listen, Gemini, the stars don’t think this is such a bad thing. Sure, your grandkids don’t need you, but who says YOU need THEM?
You don’t! They’re cramping your style. Why hang out with your six-year-old grandson when he can’t even go into your favorite bar? Sure, your twelve-year-old granddaughter’s good at riding her bike, but can she be your getaway driver when you knock over that convenience store around the corner?
No way! She can’t even reach the pedals. And, let’s be honest, if she could, she’d wuss out.
Forget about the grandkids, Gemini. You know what they say, age is wasted on the young.
So don’t waste your old age on the young, Gemini. You got better things to do.
Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology. Follow his extremely inappropriate and unintelligent twitter here.