By Mason Johnson
Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.
This horoscope is dedicated to my two favorite Leos: Fred Durst and Geri Halliwell.
Fred, it’s been awhile. Do you still do it all for the nookie?
Ginger Spice, it was nice to see you at the Olympics, many were wondering if you were still alive.
I have good news for the both of you! Your time has come again. The stars are once more in your favor. It’s been over a decade since either of you were important, but that’s all about to change. You just have to have faith.
I know, Fred, you thought you were at the top of your game when you found an alternative (dare I say, better?) way of spelling bizkit. And Geri, you’re probably wondering how you can spice up everyone’s lives any more than you already have! But let’s be honest, your best days are ahead of you, not behind you, guys.
My suggestion: team up. Geri, you can teach Fred all about Girl Power. Fred, you can teach Geri how to… be… insufferable.
Can’t wait to see what comes of this!
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Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology.