Best Of Chicago

Horrible Horoscopes: Libra

December 4, 2012 2:00 PM

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RoboCop won't hesitate to TAKE YOU DOWN. (Credit: JUNIE DOCTOR/AFP/Getty Images)

RoboCop won’t hesitate to TAKE YOU DOWN. (Credit: JUNIE DOCTOR/AFP/Getty Images)

By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.

RoboCop won't hesitate to TAKE YOU DOWN. (Credit: JUNIE DOCTOR/AFP/Getty Images)

RoboCop won’t hesitate to TAKE YOU DOWN. (Credit: JUNIE DOCTOR/AFP/Getty Images)

Libra

Libra, the stars want you to stick to your guns! You are an officer of the law, which is a sacred responsibility, and you should take it seriously. If someone breaks the law, you need to be there to keep order, no matter what.

And never, ever let anyone off.

If your mother eats a grape while at the supermarket, that’s stealing, and you need to lock her up.

If a man’s breaks go out and he gets run over by his own car while trying to stop it, the Moon doesn’t care how hurt he is, you give him a ticket for driving with defective equipment.

If you see someone running across the street, jaywalking, you better get your stun gun out. They might get away, and you never let a law breaker get away.

Good luck, Libra. You’ll need it while upholding the law in this God forsaken city.

Horrible Horoscopes is updated Monday through Friday. Find the latest Horrible Horoscopes here!

Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology, but is an expert on RoboCop.

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