By Mason Johnson
Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.
Alright, Libra… I’ve stepped into… I mean… The stars! The stars have stepped into their fair share of trouble in their life, but your latest discretion has gone too far. I’m tired… Wait, I mean… The stars! The stars are tired of your…
If you don’t learn how to pick up after your dog soon, Libra, the stars will BRING THE HAMMER DOWN. Yes, that’s right, the stars will punish you if you let your dog poop on the sidewalk one more time. The destruction will be swift and painful, worse than any onslaught you’ve ever heard described in a metal song. Seriously. You will cease to exist.
So next time you take Fido out for a walk, don’t forget the plastic baggies. The stars will literally get all CSI up in here if they have to.
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Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology and has a really great idea for a CSI spin-off. Yes, it includes dog poop. Hit me up, CSI producers.