By Mason Johnson
Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.
My ex was a Sagittarius.
Maybe that’s why she cheated?
Now I ain’t sayin’ all blondes are evil.
Nor am I saying they’re stupid. In fact, I’m saying the opposite. I think blondes are extraordinarily smart. I mean, you gotta be smart if you’re able to convince me you’ve got bible study every Saturday night at 10 pm when, in reality, YOU’RE OUT DANCING WITH MY DUNGEONS & DRAGONS DM.
I’m a mess. I know. But gimme some slack, this woman ripped my heart out and ate it with her bare hands, red blood and pink, hearty bits going down her chin as she chewed…
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Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology, and is heartbroken. Literally.