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Horrible Horoscopes: Virgo

April 2, 2013 2:00 PM

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Searched for "Beyonce Bunny" and, low and behold, I found what I was looking for. Also, she's a virgo. (Credit: iam.beyonce.com)

Searched for “Beyonce Bunny” and, low and behold, I found what I was looking for. Also, she’s a virgo. (Credit: iam.beyonce.com)

By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.

Searched for "Beyonce Bunny" and, low and behold, I found what I was looking for. Also, she's a virgo. (Credit: iam.beyonce.com)

Searched for “Beyonce Bunny” and, low and behold, I found what I was looking for. Also, she’s a virgo. (Credit: iam.beyonce.com)

Virgo

There are some people in this world who think they can get away with anything, Virgo.

Don’t be one of those people.

Look at the high and mighty Easter Bunny, for example! He’s become so powerful, nay, so power-hungry, that he actually believes the law does not apply to him. Well one day he’ll come crashing down, Virgo, and no one will benefit from that.

Think of the kids! Imagine them, wide-eyed in their parent’s backseat, driving by the Easter Bunny on the side of the road as he gets handcuffed by John Law.

Say what you will about John, at least that man has a code.

And he will arrest you.

Gosh darn I love him.

So keep your head down, Virgo. Obey the law, remember who you are, and maybe avoid wearing rabbit suits…

Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology, but knows everything about Beyonce, so it probably evens out in the end. Follow his extremely inappropriate and unintelligent twitter here.

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