By Tim Baffoe-

(CBS) Party’s over. I don’t know if I’m more disturbed that this is just now becoming illegal or that prior to this law the only charge was “criminal damage to property.” (Seriously, it was.)

I’m most concerned for Rep. Beiser’s wife. Based on that photo it appears their marriage will be greatly affected by this. Although as @CDiNicolo pointed out to me: “If the Democrats can count the dead as voters, I should be able to [trip the light erotic with] their corpses.” The man makes an intriguing point.

The best thing to come from this new law has to be that the whole truly awful vampire film, television, and literature genre will then have to be banned in this state, too.

On to your questions. All emails and tweets are unedited.

you covered #muball this year – is there any chance you can cover the #illini next year?  They need some good news… #TFMB—@BDWeav2

Well, I didn’t exactly “cover” Marquette this year—I’m not a reporter for one thing. I just sort of hitched my wagon to them in the very loosest sense and planned on reaping all the glory had they gone farther in the tournament. And, oh, what a wonderful Radio Flyer voyage it was… already has two fine fellows who do great work regarding the Illini—Adam Hoge, the site’s B1G football and hoops aficionado, and Dave Wischnowsky, our resident handsome person.

And if me writing regularly about U of I is good news for its fans, that athletic department is in worse shape that most think. I’m pretty sure most Chambana students and alumni hate me anyway, as most local sports fans do.

Best one liner for a big job promotion?  #TFMB—@SteveM_Lopez

I’ve never interviewed for a job promotion before, and I’ve only had two job interviews in my life. One was for my current teaching gig, where I was grilled by my former Principal and current Vice Principal. Not exactly the appropriate place for a one-liner.

The other interview was for this thing. I walked two blocks from a parking garage in 99 degree July scorch to The Score studios in the very suit you see me wearing to the left (you try to take a good picture after that). Mitch Rosen and Adam Hoge were the bad cop/bad cop this time. Since the delinquency of minors didn’t really apply here (Sam Zuba hadn’t been hired yet), I was a bit more at ease. I told Adam that I would be totally fine having a 25 year old be my editor/superior, a 25 year old who hadn’t my real world experiences, who wasn’t born when Thriller was released, who didn’t know what it was like to hold his best friend’s head in his hands in the middle of the Asian jungle as he whispered with his last breath “Send my love to Maria.”

I complimented Mitch on his nipples denting through his royal Oxford shirt, letting him know I found it to give off an air of a man that exuded steely authority yet liked to party. That’s the corporate bosom I wanted to be welcomed into… figuratively-speaking. His blushing was a definite signal that I was winning the interview.

And now I’m here.

So, yeah, ageism and nipple remarks seem like the way to go. Or repeat this verbatim.

how do you feel about the U of I basketball coach hiring situation? #tfmb—@Sirithe

I feel schadenfreude, as I’m wont to do in such situations. It was a fustercluck the size of a headdress on an unnecessary mascot (okay, now Illini fans hate me), and I giggled from afar as every dance partner turned down the school that totally overestimated itself.

Much of my bad-guy reaction to it all stems from my indifference-bordering-on-dislike of the University of Illinois. See, I got denied entrance into their prestigious halls of academia when I was a senior in high school. This is not sour grapes when I say that I did not want to attend there, but my parents would have made me had I been accepted because the tuition was cheaper than the other schools I was interested in. When I received the rejection letter, I was relieved at first. After a while, though, a feeling of “Who the hell are they to deny me?” set in. I was an Illinois State Scholar, in all Honors courses, on the Student Council, and all that other résumé-padding jazz.

I’ve done my best to dissolve that ball of contempt in the pit of my stomach since then, but a pebble still seems to remain.

Right now that coaching job isn’t one of the premiere ones in college basketball. It could be, but it will take a non-sexy hire to build it up. No big name guy wants to walk into Champaign right now, and I don’t blame him. What players really have their hearts set on playing for the Illini these days? Suburbanites and down-staters. CPS players might have it as a fallback option but not at the top of the list, and the same goes for elite out of state talent.

I’m not in the camp of “recruiting CPS guys will solve everything,” but I do believe a better job needs to be done in that regard. Make yourself appealing enough to where being close to home is the tipping point over a Kentucky and Duke or being sort of near Chicago trumps North Carolina and Kansas. How does Illinois do that? Well, win with what they can get for now, and that falls on new head coach John Groce’s shoulders.

Bringing on Simeon head coach Robert Smith as an assistant would probably help, as he has important CPS and AAU connections that could reopen the city pipeline to Champaign. I don’t know that I would call Smith a cure-all, though, because, again, Illinois is not appealing versus the national powerhouses right now.

And there probably will need to be some rule bending along the way because that’s the state of the game now.

The Illini won’t be a bad team by any means next season, and I think Groce can do at least as good a job as Bruce Weber did. Overall it will be a baby-steps operation for them to rise to elite status, though.

#tfmb Do the chickens have large talons?—@NapoleonD670

About as large as the space between everyone else at the party and the guy who still quotes that film is.

That was mean. And true.

Thanks for emailing, tweeting, and reading. If your question did not get answered this time, that does not necessarily mean I am ignoring it. It may be saved for the next mailbag. Hopefully you’re a slightly better person now than you were ten minutes ago. If not, your loss.

Want your questions answered in a future Mailbag? Email them to or tweet them with the hashtag #TFMB. No question, sports or otherwise, is off limits (with certain logistical exceptions, e.g. lots of naughty words or you type in Portuguese or you solicit my death). If you email, please include a signature.

tim baffoe small Ten Foot Mailbag: Dazzling Mitch Rosen, The Illini And Other Corpses

Tim Baffoe

Tim Baffoe attended the University of Iowa and Governors State University and began blogging at The Score after winning the 2011 Pepsi Max Score Search. He enjoys writing things about stuff, but not so much stuff about things. When not writing for, Tim corrupts America’s youth as a high school English teacher and provides a great service to his South Side community delivering pizzas (please tip him and his colleagues well). You can follow Tim’s inappropriate brain droppings on Twitter @Ten_Foot_Midget , but please don’t follow him in real life. He grew up in Chicago’s Beverly To read more of Tim’s blogs click here.