By Tim Baffoe-
(CBS) Ever heard of Oday Aboushi? He’s an offensive lineman for the New York Jets, a fifth-round pick out of the University of Virginia, and the target of some crappy people.READ MORE: Naperville Police Searching For 3 Men Wanted In Jewelry Store Robbery
See, Aboushi is Palestinian, which means, according to people that like to force conclusions that make them comfortable, that he’s an anti-Semite and supporter of terrorism. He must be in order to satisfy people that need everything to be cut and dry and need to feed their own terrible values.
Or maybe Aboushi is just a guy who plays football.
Weekend. And a warm one at that.
On to your correspondence.
@TimBaffoe is it bad that I desperately want to stand on the Indian head?— Bobby Clemente (@BobbyJuke) July 10, 2013
With all the overblown ado about it lately, it makes me want to stand on it just out of spite. People that are all “BLARGH YOU CAN’T STAND ON DEH INJUN BLARGH” are the same morons that get all ass-chapped when you mention a no-hitter in progress. It’s an oh-so-maybe-racially-insensitive image on carpet. Shut the hell up.
Don’t get me wrong—Bieber is a toolbox and doesn’t deserve to get carte blanche with the Stanley Cup, but being outraged at him standing on the Indian Head WHEN STADIUM/TEAM OFFICIALS LET HIM DO SO is not where anyone needs to direct their ire. Big thanks to John Czahor who spent some time yesterday on social media pointing out the hypocrisy of demanding feet not belong on the logo.
I grew up with Harry Caray, so the intersection of sports announcing gaffes and humor has been a part of my fan foundation. The worst call I’ve ever heard doesn’t make me laugh so much as it makes my eyes grow wide in amazement at the sheer amount of wrong packed into one call.
Ironically, that would be Harry’s grandson, Chip Caray’s call in the tenth inning of a tie game of a one-game playoff between the Tigers and Twins in 2009. The ratio of bad call to important game situation is off the charts to the point where I almost wish Caray was having a stroke at the time just so there could be a forgivable explanation. What’s redeeming about the call is that it comes from a guy who’s a pretty well-documented dbag (see here and here and here, and recall how Caray when doing Cubs game for Fox Sports Net refused to say “Damn” in the title of the network’s signature show because, you know, that word will corrupt your children, unlike the camera shots of large breasts throughout every Cubs broadcast), and not, say, a great cult figure like a Gus Johnson or a deity like Vin Scully. Here are Chip Caray calls in chipmunk form if you like.
I tend not to laugh at national play-by-play broadcasters making egregious errors because I want them to be as great as possible, and when they’re bad at their jobs, I usually just don’t find it all that funny. Note: this does not include Freudian slips. Those are always appreciated. But even Dick Stockton’s gaffes—“Adolfo Soriano,” Aramis “Rodrigo” Ramirez,” Kyle “Calvin Quarter and Corey Kyver” Korver, “Derrek Lee, who last year split time with the Brewers and Rangers,” “David Rose”—that occur every time he works a game now are more pathetic than humorous, especially because it’s grown from name errors to just plain old missing plays. Harry Caray was able to slide on that stuff because he was a local institution, you understood he was drunk, and the Cubs were usually bad anyway.
Your question came to mind this week, though, when I was reminded by SB Nation’s Jon Bois of not only one of the best games that ever happened, but also one of the greatest broadcasts ever during the Plano East-John Tyler game of 1994. “On paper, they were probably a play-by-play man, a color man, and a guest analyst. As the game avalanched into an all-time classic, these roles sort of disappeared. They were just ‘three guys in a booth.’” Those three guys completely losing themselves in the craziest two-and-a-half minutes of football ever causes me to run the gamut of emotions, and I laugh out loud every time I hear “I done wet my britches” because it is an actual genuine use of those words without the slightest bit of irony. Who says britches? Even in the 90s? “Done wet?” On a broadcast? It’s so wonderful.
What else is wonderful? This vanity license plate on a vehicle with an assault rifle sticker on the bumper. The Second Amendment and the Founding Fathers were really all about TWTW, weren’t they?READ MORE: Man Arrested In Countless Social Media Threats Directed At CPS Schools, Days After Shootings Kill 2 Simeon Career Academy Students https://twitter.com/omarkhawam3/status/355143108293455872
From: Robert Dimitri
You are the joke not the Sox. Other than slurping the cubs you show no knowledge of the game or be able to be objective. Sadly you are another Ricketts gerbil.
And here’s your Angry Penn State Fan of the Week:
From: Bob Snopek
Your bias is quite obvious and really kind of sad. How about criticizing the almighty NCAA and the clown who heads it? His true colors are starting to come out.
Show me any successful program and I will show you a group of people who hate them. It comes with the territory. PS, my son graduates May 4 from PSU and has a job lined up as do almost all his graduating friends. That, is the power of PSU.
Freundliche Grüße / Best regards
Sales Manager – Power Generation
Variable Speed Drives
Thanks for emailing, tweeting, and reading. If your question did not get answered this time, that does not necessarily mean I am ignoring it. It may be saved for the next mailbag. Hopefully you’re a slightly better person now than you were ten minutes ago. If not, your loss.
Want your questions answered in a future Mailbag? Email them to firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet them to @TimBaffoe with the hashtag #TFMB. No question, sports or otherwise, is off limits (with certain logistical exceptions, e.g. lots of naughty words or you type in Portuguese or you solicit my death). If you email, please include a signature.MORE NEWS: XS Tennis Village In Washington Park To Host Pro Tennis Stars For 'Chicago Fall Classic'
Tim Baffoe attended the University of Iowa and Governors State University and began blogging at The Score after winning the 2011 Pepsi Max Score Search. He enjoys writing things about stuff, but not so much stuff about things. When not writing for 670TheScore.com, Tim corrupts America’s youth as a high school English teacher and provides a great service to his South Side community delivering pizzas (please tip him and his colleagues well). You can follow Tim’s inappropriate brain droppings on Twitter @Ten_Foot_Midget, but please don’t follow him in real life. E-mail him at email@example.com. To read more of Tim’s blogs click here.