By Dan Bernstein-
CBSChicago.com senior columnist
(CBS) Crazy Dan’s is panic-peddling, and our warehouses are overflowing with inventory! Everything must go at prices you gotta see to believe!
We have all kinds of Bears panic, for every kind of fan, and I’m committed to making sure you leave here with the just the right kind of miserable fears of failure and disappointment that suit your needs and fit your budget.
I’ve got a loss to the Buffalo Bills, at home, in a season that begins with the expectation of contending for a title, and to a team quarterbacked by E.J Manuel, nonetheless. With that, I’ll throw in your choice of terrible eye-discipline against misdirection plays or bizarre second-quarter offensive play calling, absolutely free!
On special right now too is the fact that Chris Conte is the Bears’ best safety, despite an entire offseason for Phil Emery to realize that he had one job to do, and he didn’t do it. How’s that for making you want to lose your nachos on your shoes?