(CBS) You know your football team has problems when it’s the topic of an Onion article.

The satirical website has poked fun at the 3-5 Bears with a story headlined, “Bears GM Hoping To Motivate Jay Cutler With More Guaranteed Money.”

An excerpt that quotes a fictitious Phil Emery:

General manager Phil Emery told reporters Wednesday that he is hoping to motivate Jay Cutler by offering him even more guaranteed money from his seven-year, $126 million contract. “We’re willing to do whatever it takes to push Jay to improve his performance on the field, so if a guaranteed $54 million isn’t getting the best out of him, then we’ll just have to go up to $70 million,” said Emery.

The article also joked that the Bears intended to cut Brandon Marshall, Alshon Jeffery, Matt Forte, and Jared Allen to clear more money for Cutler.