Best Steakhouses In River North: I'm Right (You're Wrong)

You can't hunt in downtown Chicago. If you could, oh baby if you could, you can bet your sweet bottom that I'd be out there every single day with my bow and my buck knife tracking the elusive creature known as cow. Have you ever stared the wild beast known as bovine in the eyes and said, 'Today, bovine, you are mine, or I am yours; two shall enter, one shall leave?'

That was rhetorical. Don't answer that. You, if you are from Chicago, probably can't answer that. You're not allowed to hunt cows in this great city. So what are you left with? Steakhouses. Consuming 16 ounces of the beast is the closest thing you'll come to huntin' it. You might as well do it in style; here are five of the best Steakhouses in River North.

You're Welcome.

A Miami transplant, Joe's specializes in both steak and crab. For the manly men and manly women out there, try a 20 oz. rib eye. If you want something a little different, I suggest the calf's liver, which comes with applewood smoked bacon and caramelized onions.

Don't groan, that is some good eats.

Gibsons is one of the premiere steakhouses in the Chicagoland area. No gimmicks, no surprises, they just make good steak and gigantic martinis. It's the kind of place you'd go to celebrate your little brother graduating from art school, or your older brother being released from an eight-year stint in the clink.

I think clink means prison.

I think.

Straight from New Orleans, Ruth's offers a full list of some of the best steaks you may ever have. Ever. They've also got a few non-steak favorites, like barbecue shrimp and amazing lamb chops.

David Burke's love for great meat probably makes him the kind of guy who would, in fact, hunt his own bovine.

I mean that as a compliment.

It's funny, because as fancy and amazing as everything is on the menu here, the best thing at David Burke's is the burger. Yes, that's right, the burger. Quite possibly the best in the city. So stop on by during lunch and try one of David Burke's 40 Day Dry Aged prime Steak Burgers.

Gene & Georgetti's is super old school; the kind of place where the waiters, ties around their necks, are occasionally dressed up nicer than some of the patrons, which really tickles me. It's also the kind of place where you'd imagine the mafia hanging out, not that Chicago has, or has ever had, mafia connections. Bottom line: if you want a classic Chicago steakhouse, this is the place you should go.