Father's Day Gifts Dad Doesn't Want

By Hyacynth Worth

With gift-buying guides lurking around seemingly every corner of the Interwebs, I thought adding another one to the mix might be a little like randomly throwing another kid into the Duggar clan; probably no one would take notice.

Also, importantly, I'm not a dad; so I'm not entirely sure, even after almost seven years of marriage and five of co-parenting beside my patient husband, what exactly he would really like other than season tickets to the Bears games. And because we don't have the salary of one of those players, that's not happening.

So really, the best thing I could offer for hints on how to best celebrate the father of your children or your own father was to take one question to the man in my life: what gifts should we wives and daughters avoid like Great America on a 90-degree day with two toddlers during naptime?

Dear Wife,

I have been really good this year; Well I've been good enough at least to not be subject to unwrapping and feigning glee over one of those discount-bin screwdriver sets with 15 tips that get lost or breaks after 15 minutes of use.

Speaking of such things, let's make sure we are on the same page in the gift area. In years past, I know you have done your best to pick gifts you thought would be useful, but many of these things now call the donation box or garbage home (and we all know how it breaks your heart to have more waste in the local landfill).

Please don't gift the following unless I tell you exactly what to buy...

Tools

Most guys are very particular about the brands of tools we like. Adding to pure preference, we also own certain types of equipment that necessitate other specific types of equipment and we normally have pretty high knowledge of tool quality. All of these facets make it really tough to go out and blindly buy another tool. Just because I need a drill doesn't mean it's as easy as going out and buying a new DeWalt drill. DeWalt drills are great; however, all my other battery-powered tools are Craftsman, and I'd rather not have to house two separate battery chargers. So despite your best intentions, you pretty much need a crash course in my tools specifically before tool shopping.

Kitchen Tools

This category may not apply to some guys, but if it does, keep these important suggestions in mind. Remember the rules about tools? Apply them to this category, too. Look for functionality, quality and durability above all else for kitchen tools because they are, in fact, tools. A beautiful exterior isn't a major consideration in this category. Take for example a pressure cooker: the Presto pressure cooker may be fine and certainly looks fairly sleek but the American Standard cookers are the big daddy of pressure cookers, featuring six tightening bolts and weighing as much as the turkey you might cook in it. Oh, and by the way, 99 percent of the time the cool gadget you saw on the cooking show/infomercial/women's in-home party (you know what I'm talking about) is exactly what I DO NOT want.

Clothes

An exception could be made here if you keep a few things in mind. First, I don't need any best, greatest, No. 1 or super dad-themed clothes (or mugs, ties ... you get the picture). Second, please bypass purchasing his and her matching outfits; we don't need to go to the gym – or anywhere -- looking alike. I also don't need to match the kids; I love them but I outgrew overalls many moons ago. Finally, stay away from the sports teams/theme stuff. If I want a Rose jersey, I'll buy one myself because it's not just a jersey; it's much more involved.

I'm sure there are more things I could add to the list; depending on how this year goes we may need to add a few more. However, this should get you started on your shopping trip, or help you know what to return already.

Love you lots,

Your husband

P.S. Feel free to give me any of the following anytime:

Overnight Stay

Hotel Felix
(866) 375 – 7998
111 W. Huron St. / Chicago, 60610
hotelfelixchicago-px.trvlclick.com

You + me + overnight stay at a hotel without kids = homerun present. We could even stay in a hotel that suites your fancy – like the eco-friendly Hotel Felix Chicago. You can marvel over their outstanding green initiatives while I marvel over, well, you because we both know time together with just the two of us is a rarity with kiddos in the mix.

An Afternoon Out with the Guys

Chicago Brew Bus
(773) 340 – 2739
www.chicagobrewbus.com

I love you, and I love the kids, but time spent with other guys is necessary and just plain fun. Be it Cubs tickets for an afternoon game (not the White Sox for me; know the team of choice!) or an afternoon spent on the Brew Bus with a few friends touring places like Goose Island Brewery and Moonshine Brewery and enjoying a taste of some Chicago specialties, a half day spent doing something I don't normally do at the old nine to five or while spending time together with the fam is a good gift.

Hyacynth and John Worth call a northern suburb home. Hyacynth maintains she's never once bought any No. 1 Dad t-shirts as a gift; she writes almost daily about motherhood, faith and the intersection of both at Undercover Mother.