Horrible Horoscopes: Aquarius

By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.

Who smelt it dealt it, Aquarius.

For once, I'm not talking about farts.

This is a phrase the stars suggest you heed in every aspect of your life, not just the gassy ones

For example, if you bring up 400-year-old witches, people are going to get awfully suspicious about your background.

Is your background innocent, Aquarius? Filled with a want to defend those who have been wronged, even hundreds of years after the fact?

Or is your background dark and murky? Do you own a black cat? Ride a broom? Host Harry Potter marathons?

Are you a witch?

I don't know, but I just farted.

Horrible Horoscopes is updated Monday through Friday. Find the latest Horrible Horoscopes here!

Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology.