By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry).

Admittedly, we have no idea what these young ladies have to do with Dr. Pepper. His daughters maybe? (Credit: John Parra/Getty Images)


Gemini, the stars are indicating that you have terrible judgment. I hereby order you to go to an expert for all your future decisions: Dr. Pepper.

Dr. Pepper can help quench your thirst, energize you, and decide whether to believe in evolution or not. (Evolution — legit or crazy liberal myth? It’s hard to say!)

Sure, Dr. Pepper got his PHD in Women’s Studies from a non-accredited art school, but that doesn’t mean his advice is any less valuable.

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Mason Johnson knows zilch about astrology.