By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.

Sorry, Buzz. The Moon's just old and grumpy. (Credit: Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)

Sorry, Buzz. The Moon’s just old and grumpy. (Credit: Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)


Listen, Leo, the Moon’s a jerk. We all know this. The Moon happily admits it. BUT, The Moon is not the cause of every strange happening when it’s full.

Science can back this up.

This evidence almost makes up for Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin gettin’ their footprints all over the Moon’s back.


Anyway, this evidence means a few things:

Your underwear isn’t mysteriously disappearing during a full moon. That’s your landlord stealing it, and he does it throughout the month.

Your cousin wasn’t turning into a rabid werewolf last month. He’s just hairy for a 13-year-old and occasionally has seizures.

And yes, your mom is always that crazy.

So stop blaming the full moon every time you do something stupid. Also, if you see Buzz Aldrin, tell him the Moon thinks he’s a jerk.

Horrible Horoscopes is updated Monday through Friday. Find the latest Horrible Horoscopes here!

Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology.