Horrible Horoscopes: Libra

By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.

Libra

Libra, as you've trekked down the road that leads to happiness, not quite sure if you'll ever make it there, have you thought about selling out?

Being a corporate shill doesn't sound ideal, I get it, but... Think of all the money.

I mean, money helps when happiness is involved, right? The Beatles may have stated that all you need is love, but we all know our society has advanced to a point where you can just buy love if you got enough money.

You can start by turning your house into a billboard, but why stop there? Why not sell the space on your forehead to the highest bidder? Not like you gotta look at your own forehead. While you're at it, you can use your children as advertising space. They might object, but hey, they're YOUR children.

Can't wait to see you rollin' in the dough, Libra.

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Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology.