By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.

Look at that bronco! You, Sagittarius, are the rider. Republicans are the horse trying to buck you off. Democrats are the hard, hard ground that’s going to break your fall. Don’t worry, both the bronco and the ground will break you! (Credit: Michael Smith/Getty Images)


Listen, Sagittarius: Presidential elections make us ALL want to cry.

You’re not the only one.

It’s just going to get worse as you get older, so be prepared.

Right now, if you’re sittin’ down and watchin’ the tube and a commercial for Bronco Obama comes on the screen, you can just put a copy of Yo Gabba Gabba in the VCR and chill out.

This is not the case for adults. Adults are forced to watch and listen to every grueling moment of an election. We can’t ignore the BS spewing from each candidate’s mouth. If we want to turn of the lies and replace them with, say, The Empire Strikes Back, we can’t. We’re grown-ups.

We have to be informed so we know exactly how thoroughly we’re getting screwed by the government.

Without this knowledge, we won’t know which candidate will screw us the least, and therefore who to vote for.

Just be glad you’re not of voting age.

Horrible Horoscopes is updated Monday through Friday. Find the latest Horrible Horoscopes here!

Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology and plans on voting for Mayor McCheese!