By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.

This horoscope is dedicated to Katy, one of the smartest Scorpios there is. (Credit: ROBYN BECK/AFP/GettyImages)


Scoprio. Poor, poor Scorpio. You’re not the brightest star in the cosmos.

(Which is to say, you aren’t that smart.)

But you’re nice.

True, while the other five-year-olds were coloring inside the lines, you were eating crayons, but that doesn’t mean you don’t got spunk. You’re just… Different.

You’ve got plenty of spunk.

Listen, Scorpio. I feel bad for you. I want to help you out. It seems that science (thanks to the stars) is smiling down upon you this fine day. You’ve got it within your grasp to fill the intelligence gap between you and others. There’s finally a way you can become smarter:

You’re welcome.

Horrible Horoscopes is updated Monday through Saturday at 12 and 2 pm. Find the latest Horrible Horoscopes here!

Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology, but has a definite desire to become smarter.