Horrible Horoscopes: Taurus

By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry).

Taurus

Don't let anyone bring you down, Taurus.

I'm talking about your kids.

Those little vampires take it all from you: money, a social life, your quiet time...

I mean, what's the deal, right? You spent nine months with the little parasites gestating inside of you – now that they're out you're just supposed to give them every ounce of energy you got?

Now, the stars aren't sayin' you should do anything drastic (that might get you arrested). But they do suggest you find time for a mimosa or two away from the little life-suckers once in awhile. Anything to briefly remind you of the days when you were free of burden and allowed to live your life any darn way you please!

Horrible Horoscopes is updated Monday through Saturday at 12 and 2 pm. Find the latest Horrible Horoscopes here!

Mason Johnson knows zilch about astrology.