Horrible Horoscopes: Virgo

October 30, 2012 2:00 PM

High School… You couldn’t pay me to go back. (Credit: GAMMA LIAISON)

By Mason Johnson

Warning: If you love astrology, are offended easily, or/and have no sense of humor, this might make you gassy (and angry). Not your sign? Find more Horrible Horoscopes here.

1138864 Horrible Horoscopes: Virgo

High School… You couldn’t pay me to go back. (Credit: GAMMA LIAISON)


Virgo, the stars realize that high school wasn’t the “time of your life.” You didn’t have all the friends you could ever want, and you didn’t date the quarterback of the football team who also happened to be the captain of the cheerleading time. The stars know high school was rough. The stars would love to say it gets better.

But it doesn’t.

Well, in some ways it does. Adults don’t tend to steal each other’s lunch money, egg each other’s houses, or commit the perfect crime by murdering a homeless man – all things that teenagers do. No, adults find new ways to distinguish the popular from the unpopular.

Like through your paycheck.

So if you’re sitting there in your cubicle wondering if that popular guy from high school who could barely pass pre-algebra is making more than you, realize that you probably don’t want the answer.


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Mason Johnson knows absolutely nothing about astrology and never ever texts, so quit your whining, Joe.