Mason Johnson

It’s raining.

In April.

This is why April is my favorite month. The inconvenience the rain causes so many people around me is just… magical. What can I say? I obtain joy from the unhappiness of others.

Here are a few events to get excited about. Don’t worry, all of them are inside.

"Ugh, I liked ice cream BEFORE it was cool." Even hipsters love Ben & Jerry's. (Credit: Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for Ben & Jerry's)

“Ugh, I liked ice cream BEFORE it was cool.” Even hipsters love Ben & Jerry’s. (Credit: Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images for Ben & Jerry’s)

Free Cone Day

Ben & Jerry’s
Find Locations
Event Page

April 9th

Holy crudmonkies ya crazy goats you can get FREE ICE CREAM TODAY. Yes, ice cream, or as I call it, humanity’s best weapon against depression.

If there’s any day to be depressed in the year, it’s Free Cone Day.

What’s Free Cone Day? It appears to be a holiday created by the robots running giant ice cream company Ben & Jerry’s. And you thought corporations never gave back to the “little people.”

Anyway, word on the street (aka, the internet), is that you can go into any Ben & Jerry’s and get a free cone of ice cream today. If this isn’t the best reason for getting out of bed (getting ice cream, then promptly going back to bed), I don’t know what is.

Orlando is SO full of himself (Credit: ©FOTOPRESS/Ross Setford)

(Credit: ©FOTOPRESS/Ross Setford)

Lord of the Rings Trivia Night

The Atlantic Bar & Grill
5062 N Lincoln Ave
Chicago, IL 60625
(773) 506-7090
Event Page

April 10 @ 7:30 P.M.

Are you angry Tom Bombadil wasn’t in the Lord of the Rings movie?

If no, then you should probably learn to PICK UP A BOOK ONCE IN AWHILE, YA LOSER.

If yes, then Atlantic Bar & Grill’s Lord of the Rings trivia night might just be for you. Show up on Wednesday night at 7:30, prove your superiority over all other nerds present, win prizes. If you’re lucky, you just might meet the Galadriel to your Gimli (or vice versa).

(Credit: Curbside Splendor)

(Credit: Curbside Splendor)

The Way We Sleep Reading

The Book Cellar
4736-38 N. Lincoln Ave.
Chicago, IL 60625
Event Page

April 13 @ 7:00 P.M.

A book about sleeping. That doesn’t sound boring. Not at all.

Sarcasm aside, The Way We Sleep, published by Chicago’s Curbside Splendor, has a great list of contributors. There are a lot of great “known” names: Maria Bamford, Etgar Keret, Tony Millionaire, David Wain and Michael Showalter. More exciting, are the awesome Chicago writers who have pieces in this great collection. Megan Stielstra, James Tadd Adcox, cartoonist Jeffrey Brown, and Natalie Edwards are just a few of the awesome people with pieces in The Way We Sleep.

Anyway, if you’re still not sold, go to The Way We Sleep’s Saturday reading at The Book Cellar (one of Chicago’s best bookstores) and see how great the book is yourself. You’ll hear from contributors Billy Lombardo, Ben Tanzer, Dakota Sexton, and Natalie Edwards. You’ll also get a shadow puppet show by Jill Summers and Susie Kirkwood. I don’t know what pops into your mind when you think of puppet shows, but throw those assumptions out. Jill and Susie’s puppet shows are great — funny, witty and usually a bit dark at the same time. All of this is hosted by Knee-Jerk Magazine’s Jon Fullmer.

Mason Johnson laughs at his own jokes and has a horrible, inappropriate twitter.