The Longest Day

brian urlacher 9 27 The Longest Day

Either time messes with your mind on days like this, or your mind messes with time.

If somebody wanted to bet that 7:30 PM was actually going to arrive tonight, I’d think seriously about wagering against it.

I love this feeling.  I hate this feeling.

Often, we find ourselves fluffing worthless NFL matchups, grasping for threads of significance in the desultory slog of the season.  Every Bears game matters, of course, but this is one to savor.

Undefeated Packers visit undefeated Bears.  Let’s tick off the storylines:

— A teetering Bear management regime threw around free-agent stimulus money, hired a mad OC as a closed-eyes-and-crossed-fingers last choice, and has started 2-0.  A distrusted head coach rows on against the current of public sentiment.

— Uncertainty about the Bears’ actual quality could be largely resolved based on their performance, if not the outcome.

— One team comes away with a 3-0 start, a divisional advantage, and playoff probability per history.

— Two of the NFL’s most talented young quarterbacks match skills.

— An offensive line lauded for its resourcefulness under duress faces a telegenic Tasmanian Devil of a pass-rusher.

— Fat, stupid Packer fans and their ugly, hirsute womenfolk are hated by fat, stupid Bear fans and their own hideous she-creatures.

There are more, but I am required to stop to keep Jon Gruden safe.  As I write this, the excitable broadcaster is naked in his hotel room, applying war paint.  Three DVRs are running slo-mo coaches’ film, and a live timpanist is keeping an ominous, Straussian beat in the back near the mini-bar.  Doctors warn that Gruden’s football ardor could cause his face to melt during the pregame 3-shot (after the opening montage, sweeping establishment-shot of Soldier Field and the requisite split-screen of the two QBs warming up).

The greenish sponge of sod by the lake hosts the biggest early-season game we have experienced in some time.  We’ll help the time go by faster as best we can between 1 and 6 today.

I’ve had too much coffee already, I actually spent time last night readying my chicken wings, twice-baked potato fixings and cheap Argentine wine, and now I’m thinking about stopping by Jon Gruden’s hotel room.

Keep in mind, we could be totally miserable by 7:45 or so.  This is fun.

  • Chet's Inflated Ego

    Feels good to be awaiting a meaningful Bears game.

    Gruden makes Theismann seem depressed; Gruden is just so frickin’ over-the-top with everything!

    • bigtime sucker

      EXCEpt grueden knows what he is talking about, his biggest struggle is “dumbing it down” to the general public. Jaws is another who struggles to “dumb it down” a bit. i actually learn a lot from them. I love NFL Matchup especially. It’s like listening to Hubie Brown due basketball, tough in the presentation but excellent on the information

  • bigtime sucker

    here’s what i expect to see tonight.

    early trouble keeping cutler upright.

    draws, time and time again, draw draw draw screen draw early and often, both teams actually

    DA has to play tonight

    urlacher and briggs being stout as scripted

    jaws and gruden having verbal O’s watching cutler and rogers

    lots of martz talk

    and of course (rolling eyes) the obligatory shots of michigan avenue, wrigley field, the chicago river, and inside either uno’s gino’s or lou malnatti’s kitchen during the “this game is sponsored by” segment and shots of morons without clothes.

    here’s what i want to see tonight


    mark anderson coming off his edge

    4 sacks by the bears

    cutler, more td’s than int’s

    and forte/chester taylor averaging 4.5 yards a carry

    bears win 31-27 hopefully i get my way : )

    • bigtime sucker

      for the record, i have no problems with blimp shots of the skyline, i have seen it a million times but that is a shot worth seeing a million times, inside the pizza kitchen, not so much.

  • mad as hell fan.....

    well done dan. this was great.

  • Lydell

    Ed Grimley, is that you?

  • mike in davenport

    I did not think I was going to be as amped for this game as I am. I thought for sure we’d be seeing a 1-1 or an 0-2 Bears team going up against a clearly superior 2-0 Packers team.

    With both teams undefeated, and the Vikings starting in the hole, this does have playoff implications. Time to bust out the Robbie Gould jersey and the Sam Adams.

  • Chris in Scottsdale

    Okay, I’m losing my mind. In my head, I heard a Facenda-like voice uttering the “Greenish sponge of sod by the lake…” line.

    Yeah. I don’t think I’ll make it through, either. Thank goodness it’s a busy day at work to hopefully keep me sane.

  • The other Ed in Homewood


    It’s been a long time since I’ve anticipated a regular season Bears game with this much anxiety. Your blog post has whipped me into a hysteria the likes of former Stark County Treasurer candidate, Phil Davison.

    Best line: “…the excitable broadcaster is naked in his hotel room, applying war paint.” I LOLd, literally.


    History suggests doom and gloom (and, they’re wearing an “alternate” uniform). I’ll be taping Glee, watching Blue’s Clues for the first part. I’ll see enough of the game.
    I was at the Detroit–‘hawks game on Saturday. It felt like a midseason game. Not like preseason football, where teams odd things happen. More players, less players, baseball gloves, tennis rackets, and live walk throughs to name a few. . .. ;)
    “Duh duh duh duuuuuuuh. . . .”

    • George Oscar Bluth

      Guh Guh. Guh Guh. Guhhhhhh GGGAAAAAAAYYYYYY!

      • SPAULDING!

        heh heh heh.

  • Beverly Brewmaster

    Straussian? Seriously, Dan? Straussian? This isn’t tea time at the Four Seasons… this is BEARS-PACKERS FOOTBALL!!! If that live timpanist isn’t kicking a thundering WAGNERIAN beat than I’m not paying him union scale!

    • bigtime sucker

      USUALLY i pretend to be smarter than i am, but i have to admit, i have no idean what the significance of Straussian Timpany’s are, none.

      and i understood dan’s rant friday about the impact of the rivarly not being all that it once was and i fully defend that article, but i am sorry, i cannot defend him choosing to drink wine, even if it’s cheap argentinian wine during a football game. drink some beer p*ssy, it’s FOOTBALL!!! save the wine for the final round of the masters, or maybe “breakfast at wimbledon”even if you have to drink more expensive imported beer or a linekugles berry weis or something of that ilk,at least it’s beer. That maybe a meatball thing to think, but ya know, it’s frickin FOOTBALL, there really isn’t much civilized about it.

  • AT3374

    Can’t wait for this game !!

  • Scoopie

    Jon Gruden:

    “I tell you what Jaws, this deep-dish pizza could be one of the most innovative foods of our time. Just look at it! The cheese, the sauce, the crust, I don’t know how these Chicagoans can contain themselves. This pizza has put itself above the competition, and it shows.”

    • Jon, Montgomery

      i almost died laughing when i read that post scoopie, great stuff.

      i didn’t think that we would lose that badly to the steelers, at least i know what our place is, a fake team that isn’t going to be ready until next season.

      hope the bears win tonight, i don’t like the packers at all.

      and i’m getting killed with my bets so far this NFL season, i’m practically handing my money to vegas, hopefully i’m just having bad start, i hope i do better in the next quarter of the gambling season, as lovie would say :)

      everybody have a good day, try turning down the sound down on the TV tonight for the big game. as scoopie hilariously put it, everything is just too great to the three booyahs in the booth.

    • Chris in Scottsdale

      Fan-tastic, Scoopie. You should e-mail that to Bernsie direct.

  • ChiTownDuck

    Dan great blog this morning. The funny thing is is that people often mistake you for not being a ” real bears fan” because you are so objective and honest about how you really feel about the Bears. In reality though you are just like every fan tonight anxiously awaiting the biggest game in the last few years and the biggest game of Jay Cutlers career as a Bear. Your awesome Dan can’t wait to hear the show today


    Here’s hoping tonight’s Bears/Packers’ game on “Monday Night Football” is as exciting as a few other games in Week 3. The Falcons/Saints’ game went to OT, won by Atlanta’s Matt Bryant after New Orleans’ Garrett Hartley badly hooked a 29 yarder wide left. The Seahawks got 2 kickoff returns for TDs by Leon Washington to beat the Chargers in Seattle. Last but not least, how ’bout the Jets? They may have benched WR Braylon Edwards for a quarter last night vs. the Dolphins in Miami as a result of his midweek DWI arrest, but he was on the receiving end of a 67 yard TD pass from Mark Sanchez that turned out to be the game winner in their 31-23 road win.

    As for tonight, I think it’s going to be a high scoring affair, but I give the Packers the slightest of edges in a game that I think might be determined by the foot of K Mason Crosby rather than the arms of QBs Aaron Rodgers & Jay Cutler. I think it’s going to be a shootout on the Lakefront, and I think Crosby boots the winning field goal in Green Bay’s 31-28 road win.

    • bigtime sucker

      i live 2 hours away, what’s the weather supposed to be like come gametime?

  • meesohawnee

    such a GRAPHIC description of the goings on in the blogwriter’s home tonight im gonna rename him “bongwaterbernstein” ;) someones gonna have the munchies tonight.

  • theodore roosevelt

    Oooh the wee todd monkey that Bernstien is. His oft pointed comments of the meat head fans, and how there is no Bear weather…if he could drop his pen and his higher than thou attitude for five seconds and rmanticize in the nature of the Beast; he would surely enjoy the feast which is about to be presented.

    The truth is in the latest body of work of each QB:
    20 35 273 4 TD 1 INt
    22 36 276 4 TD 0 Int
    23 35 372 2 TD 1 INT
    21 29 277 3 TD 0 INT
    Averaging 234.5 Yards per game
    3.25 TD per Game
    .5 INTs per game

    12 23 237 1 TD o INT
    21 26 235 1 TD 0 INT
    19 31 188 2 TD 2 INT
    19 29 255 2 TD 0 INT
    Averaging 228.75 Yards per game
    1.5 TD per Game
    .5 INTs per game

    Cutler is leaps and bounds better than ARod…this game will once again come down to the defenses and the OLines.

    Don’t go near the sissy wine and Bernsteindumb drama accolades; who chanted over and over how the Bears would get rid of Olsen…

    Rather look at where they are playing, and why they are playing well…..

    This will be a slam dunk game Bears 37 Packers 20

  • Chris in Scottsdale

    I know that the whole concept of rivalry was poo-pooed by Dan last week, but still… It’s a Bear-Packer game where both teams are undefeated, and while it isn’t the end-all be-all, it adds to the flavor of the game. We’d all be excited if the Bears were playing another undefeated team, but since it’s Green Bay, it’s even more delicious.

    Bernsie’s blog today made evident how excited he is- and it reminds me of listening last April 2, when the Bears pulled the trigger on the Cutler trade. Anyone else remember Dan’s giddiness about it when the story broke? Totally out of character, and it was awesome radio.

    This is easily the most exciting day for Bear fans since that one, and it’s nice to see that even the usually stoic Bernsie has the same anticipation we do in listenerland.

    • bigtime sucker

      i still have that pod cast on my hard drive

      • Chris in Scottsdale

        BTS- could you send it to me? I would love to hear it again.

    • bigtime sucker

      you know, the closer to game time, the more ansty i get, and the fact that nobody is talking about Donald Driver scares me. i hope lovie, marinelli, and jon hoke have and are because i don’t believe there is a reciever out there who knows the holes in the bears defense better than donald driver. Jermichael Finely is indeed a weapon, and so is greg jennings, but Driver is a guy who has killed us before and can again.

      • bigtime sucker

        CIS, it’s not on my work harddrive, i will send it later tonight after the game, esepcially if they win. i will post it on here or something

    • Beverly Brewmaster

      The funniest thing for me was I listened to that show on podcast the next day while in St. Louis on business. It was hilarious to listen to the beginning of the show knowing that, at some point, the news about the Cutler trade would break. That was indeed a podcast worth saving.

  • BearsFaninHoustonTX

    This game along with spanking the Giants in their new stadium (as we did Jerry’s boys) will be fun to watch. Yes I hope for a strong win tonight! I have a feeling it will be close, I just hope our kicker learned from the Saints game yesterday…don’t take any kick for granted!

  • Tim

    Bernsie…everything you said above, is the absolute truth. And yes, this IS fun. Thank God I didn’t quit drinkin’ this week.

  • Philly Phil

    Love your show. Love hirsute. BY CRAACKY!

blog comments powered by Disqus
Daily Weather Reports Delivered To You!SIGN UP NOW: Get daily weather reports every morning from meteorologist Steve Baskerville!
CBS Sports Radio RoundupGet your latest sports talk from across the country.

Listen Live