Bernstein: A Sickening Night For The White Sox

By Dan Bernstein-

CHICAGO (WSCR) It was a game that should have been played in 1348. In Europe.

The only proper way to render what that was last night would be to have it painted in oil by Bruegel the Elder and hung in the Prado. The bodies, the armies of skeletons attacking the countryside villages, all of it.

The Black Plague of 2011 reached a miserable low point, collapsing through whatever fragile floor was created by the last one and landing in the fetid muck. A bad pitcher on a last-place team no-hit the White Sox at chilly US Cellular Field, sending them to their sixteenth loss in twenty games.

It was a more completely bleak scene for those of us watching from home. Hawk Harrelson was missing from his usual seat, presumably felled by the same bug that’s infecting the Sox’ offense. Steve Stone sounded about ready to follow his partner, rasping gamely through his descriptions as he grappled with his own case of the illness, turning off his microphone to cough and hack after each pitch.

Poor Mike Huff was conscripted to fill in, probably wearing a surgical mask and making calls between innings to make sure his insurance premiums were all paid up.

It was a sick-sounding presentation of a sick team on a dark, ugly night. If you listened closely, mournful bells were tolling. In the distance, the wooden wheels of a ragged cart creaked, as it trundled toward Chicago to carry this team away.

To the apothecary with ye all – hitters and broadcasters, for whatever tinctures, elixirs or poultices can be consumed or applied. Or to the barber-surgeon, if need be, for a balancing of the humors. Can leeches be applied to baseball bats?

Better this disease get a chance to burn itself out now, while there is still time for recovery. The task is daunting, sure, but the still-hopeful with cling to hitters returning to form, with regression to statistical mean in various individual and team categories all but certain, if perhaps not enough. Improvement is bound to come, of course, but it may not get the Sox back to being good. Last year’s flash-fire snap-back was an anomaly, and can’t be expected to repeat itself.

When Supreme Court justice Louis Brandeis said “sunlight is said to be the best of disinfectants,” he was referring to how organizations should operate openly, transparently and honestly. But we can be mindful of those words this afternoon, as the sun shines over the south side.

One of the nice things about baseball is the chance to start up again right away, afforded the chance for fresh opportunity mere hours after a crushing defeat. Francisco Liriano is not pitching today.

The bedraggled White Sox trudge back to the field this afternoon, hoping their mysterious affliction abates. We’ll see if the offense or the team voices are on the mend.

If it’s any solace, it only took the plague-ravaged European population 150 years to recover.

So it gets better.

bernstein 90x130 Bernstein:  A Sickening Night For The White Sox

Dan Bernstein

Dan Bernstein has been the co-host of “Boers and Bernstein” since 1999. He joined the station as a reporter/anchor in 1995. The Boers and Bernstein Show airs every weekday from 1PM to 6PM on The Score, 670AM. Read more of Bernstein’s blogs here. Follow him on Twitter @dan_bernstein.
Listen to The Boers and Bernstein Show podcasts >>

More from Dan Bernstein
  • Larry Horse's Arse

    Throw out your dead!

    • bronzo

      I think it was ” bring out your dead” ( from Monty Python’s holy grail) I still hear that every saturdaymoring when XRT does thei flashback on who died in that particular year.

      Anyway as die hard Sox fan this in almost unwatchable…everyday it’s the same thing. They even got a great pitching performance from jackson last night. But look at the numbers. for.Beckham, Rios, Dunn among others ,they horrific…not much more to say… Today is new day

      • Larry Horse's Arse

        Yes, from Holy Grail….thanks for the correction, I have not seen that in maybe 12-15 years. “She’s a witch, burn her.”

      • bronzo

        pardon my spelling and grammar on that last post have to learn try and slow down

      • big time sucker

        ummmmmmmm look at the nubers for beckham rios dunn? those would be the same numbers for konerko, ramirez, pierre, the third baseman, pierzinsky and quinton.. typically when you are no hit, everybody’s numbers are equally the same, all bad

      • bronzo

        I was referring to their overall numbers BTS.. even I realize when a team is no-hit that there are NO HITS…

      • big time sucker


  • Kreutz's Noots

    “But I’m not dead yet”….”yes he is”….lol!!

    • big time sucker

      i am getting better” no you will be dead before you know it.” “i wanna go for a walk” “don’t listen to him” “i feel happy, i feel happy” clunk
      “i am dead”
      “thank you”

      clop clop clop
      who is that?
      i don’t know, must be a king
      how do you know?
      ain’t got sh it all over him

  • Chicago Baseball

    Catch the fever!

  • 2nd Half Adjustments

    Not only was last year’s snap back a statistical anamoly, IT WASN’T ENOUGH TO WIN THE DAMN DIVISION. The 2011 White Sox are just as much a failure as the 2010, 2009, 2007, 2006, 2004, 2003, 2002 and 2001 teams, even if they aren’t *this* bad.

    • 2nd Half Adjustments


      • M. Night Shamalamadingdong

        They’re also quite animally in the way a possum plays dead at the first sign of adversity.

      • Spoon


  • mike in davenpport

    Is there anyone that loves to be miserable more than a White Sox fan?

    • Chris in Scottsdale

      I’m a Cub fan, so yeah.

      • Larry Horse's Arse

        Unless you are a taxpayer in Glendale AZ and see that the NHL has taken out the $25M the City placed in escrow relative to the non-sale of the Coyotes.

      • Chris in Scottsdale


        For those of us in the East Valley, Glendale only exists for 8-10 days a year, usually Sundays, in the fall. It’s kinda like Brigaoon in that respect.
        …unless you need something at Cabela’s.

        The Coyotes? They don’t exist at all. I think Arizona State University baseball out-draws them until the playoffs.

      • big time sucker

        i know asu’s frat party’s do!!!!

  • Beard Man

    The Sox will only get better if they bring a shrubbery for the Knights Who Say “Nee”!

    • bronzo

      I fart in your general direction…

    • Spoon

      your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!

  • AT3374

    Good thing we have a Bulls game tonight so this gets swept under the rug and never spoken of again ………..

  • Denver Deadite

    Everybody should be giving their best Nelson to the White Sox right now:

    HA HA!

  • Gentleman RaRa

    I see the stock photo of the “Pondering Paul Konerko” has struck again!


    I have no desire to miserable. This team is now below the Pirates in most Power Rankings!! I appreciate having a good winning season, making the playofffs etc. They do not have to win the series every year but i would like a team that has a possiblity of doing it. I like Ozzie and he brought the first World Series to the city since forever, but even Caset Stengel and Walter Allston had to move along eventually. Unfortunately Kenny may need to go also. I have no idea on replcements though. I don’t think Cora is the answer. Sandberg maybe? Not to tweak the Cubs but he seemed the one most ready to move up.

  • Chris in Scottsdale

    I don’t see what the big deal is. Sox fans should just approach these next few weeks the same way I did as a Cub fan in the 90’s: by not acknowledging baseball until after the Grant Park celebration highlights. Thanks to the Boo’, I didn’t suffer through the Essian/Lefevbre/Trebelhorn/Riggelman era nearly as much.

    By the time basketball was done, the Cubs were usually so far back that I could far better appreciate the small victories, such as getting to know the new third basemen, Rick Wilkins’ “where the heck did THAT come from?” season, and keeping tabs on the Shawon-o-Meter.

    • Gentleman RaRa

      But Sox fans NEED the Sox to be good, otherwise the experience sucks. The Cell doesn’t have the redeeming qualities that Wrigley has, like a lively neighborhood and party atmosphere. If the Sox stink, then watching a game at The Cell is a stinky experience. Add to that an awful weather forecast, and you’re looking a the gloomiest of all gloomy baseball games. Not that Wrigley has been any funner to watch, with their evil seagulls and all. April baseball sucks, period.

  • big time sucker

    here’s my opinion, it’s may 4th and they have hit the absolute rock bottom a team can hit, nowhere to go but up, the TALENT IS THERE, they just need a confidence boosting win and i think they will go on a run. after you are no hit by a 10.00 era pitcher in your own ballpark, you can’t go lower than that

    • big time sucker

      the real question is is it already too late for a run to mean anything? the answer is, they do play in the al central

    • Spoon

      “they have hit the absolute rock bottom a team can hit, nowhere to go but up”

      I’ve heard people saying this for almost 2 weeks now, and it keeps seeming to.

      • big time sucker

        true that, but look at this way, if juan pierre gets a single first time up, you are already moving in the right direction : ) i like to think positive thoughts because i put my cubby loving arse on suspencion because i thought this sox team would be special and i just don’t want to give up on it yet

  • Go Cubs!

    LOL, the White Sux with the worst record in baseball. I LOVE IT!

    • Spoon

      Yeah, cause we’re really tearing up baseball on the north side…

      • Jon

        Baseball is best in this town when both teams are in first place

    • Ry

      Hey, whaddya know…a Cub fan more proud of Sox failure than their own accomplishments.

      • Beverly Brewmaster

        There’s plenty of stupid to go around on each side of town. The older I get the more I’m convinced that Cubs fans and Sox fans hate each other because we’re actually pretty similar (except that chicks show more skin at Wrigley and tatted-up hillbilly guys show more skin at Comiskey).

      • Chris in Scottsdale

        Yeah, it’s like the kid with a ‘D’ making fun of the kid with a ‘D-minus’.

      • Spoon

        That’s a signature of Chicago baseball. When Dempster gave up his opening day slam, a guy at the gym leaps off his treadmill wearing a Sox jersey and hat, and starts clapping and cheering.

        Baseball is best in this town when both teams suck, or when one is REALLY good and one is REALLY bad, sadly. At least then the ass hattery level stay near background level.

      • Ry

        And if people wanna stop using terms like “White Sux” or “Scrubs” anytime soon and enter life outside 3rd grade recess, that’s fine with me too.

        Especially White Sux, which doesn’t even properly rhyme with “Sox”.

      • Spoon

        Can we add the term “Pukers” when describing the Packers too? I mean, that doesnt even make any damn sense….

  • Spoon

    ” It was a game that should have been played in 1348. In Europe. The only proper way to render what that was last night would be to have it painted in oil by Bruegel the Elder and hung in the Prado. The bodies, the armies of skeletons attacking the countryside villages, all of it.”

    This opening still has me lol’ing.

  • 2nd Half Adjustments

    The Cubs/Sox rivalry is pointless and stupid. I hate it – for the love of God, baseball is in this city’s blood and the best we can do it, “Ha ha, my team sucks slightly less than your team!” That’s beyond pathetic.

  • RealRick

    Instead of comparisons to “Monty Python & The Holy Grail”, this miserable franchise should be compared to “The Apprentice”:

    Ozzie, Kenny, go to Mr. Reinsdorf’s board room where someone WILL be fired.

    • big time sucker

      i don’t agree with you on Kenny, i think for ozzie’s sake, firing ozzy will benefit HIM, i don’t know if doing that makes the team better or worse, but firing kenny would be a HUGE mistake. him AND reinsdorf came to the decision to spend money organically and jointly. reinsdorf HIMSELF felt like it was worth the gamble and ON PAPER it was. they just are playing bad baseball and Peavy isn’t helping and maybe kenny made an overevaluation on buerhle but i think if Peavy can return and be effective it makes each pitcher better. as far as the hitting, they just need to hit, they have always gotten better as the year went on so i am not giving up on them YET. sometimes though, gambles don’t pay off but if reinsdorf endorsed the gamble and put his stamp on it, he can’t pass the buck to kenny, that would be unfair

      • RealRick


        I think they both need to go.

        This team has quit on Ozzie. Pure and simple. Which is more painfully obvious by the day.

        As for Kenny, he has had too many free agent busts. In fact, if he were fired, his career would be bookended with the bust of signing David Wells to the bust of signing Adam Dunn.

        Even Jerry Angelo has done better than Kenny in free agency, which is a searing indictment of Kenny in and of itself.

        Bottom Line: It’s past time to reboot this Dead Franchise Walking.

  • big time sucker

    so who else has a not so easy feeling about da boo tonight

    • Stacey King

      Go buy a dog

    • bronzo

      I’m not sure how I feel about tonight’s game to be honest. Do i feel uneasy? Kind of… Knowing that Rose’s ankle is nothing serious ( allegedly) makes me feel a little better.

      I do think they will start the game with a lot more energy…and I’m confident that the Hawks can’t possibly shoot that well again…….Can they?

      • big time sucker

        here’s the thing, CRAWFORD won’t hit crazy shot after crazy shot and johnson might cool off a bit but he will still get 20- 25, but sometimes when one thing goes arye something else pops up. i am worried that horford will go off and smith will as well.

        for me, you can’t let teague who has been a back up all season, make the same impact that collison made last series and the same with wilkins. you can’t let them get layups, make them shoot contested shots you can’t let him get into the paint. also two shot blockers can’t try to block every shot together, SOMEBODY HAS TO REBOUND THE BALL if i see zha zha patrioulia get another uncontested put back i rip my nose off my face. and taj gibson can’t miss open jumpers and layups, you can complain about boozer but gibson wasn’t much better


    White Sox baseball is so sickening, that the SCORE’s pre & postgame host, Chris Rongey, may be pressed into emergency play-by-play duty on the Chicago White Sox Radio Network with both Ken Harrelson & Steve Stone ailing on the TV side. In a roundabout way, I’m glad Harrelson wasn’t behind the mic to call Francisco Liriano’s no-hitter last night for the just as inept Twins over the White Sox. Truth be told, the Sox had their chances last night with 6 walks and nothing to show for it. If anyone’s wondering about Gordon Beckham’s 8th inning double play that kept the no-no intact, that wasn’t a double play. It would’ve been a fielder’s choice, but a bad call by the first base ump. Lost in the shuffle was a quality start by Edwin Jackson, who allowed a Jason Kubel homer in 8 innings and got stuck with the hard-luck loss last night.

    As for quick fixes, forget about it! Unless the Sox want to get rid of all the bad money on this roster such as Jackson, Edwin Jackson, Gavin Floyd, Paul Konerko, A.J. Pierzynski & Carlos Quentin right now and get prospects in return to rebuild a farm system that sucks like the 2011 big club right now, they are stuck. Right now, the one move they likely make hinges on whether Jake Peavy has a good outing tomorrow for Triple “A” Charlotte in a rehab start and if struggling reliever Chris Sale and his wildness are minor-league bound. Even that won’t change the White Sox fortunes. As Bernsy might say, the White Sox are bad at baseball, pure & simple.

  • meesohawnee

    so no OBL pics. Anyone shocked ?
    im gonna go home and watch Capricorn One and Wag The Dog
    Its not a sickening night. How bout a sickening month, season?



      F.Y.I. I just turned you over to the Score blog police on accident. I just “reported your comment.” I meant to click respond.
      My bad.
      You should hear the blackhawk helicopters right about. . . . .
      What will the life-cycle of this story be? It keeps morphing, also.

    • Chris in Scottsdale


      If you’re going the way of political allegory, how about “Canadian Bacon”?


  • Sophist

    You know, if Stoney and Hawk are both too sick to work, they should just replace them with a recording of cows being slaughtered.

  • Crazy Nazey

    Stop talking Monty Python!

    Talk more Monty Python!

    • Beverly Brewmaster

      I didn’t want to be a commenter on Dan Bernstein’s blog. I wanted to be… a lumberjack!


    Truth be told, firing Ozzie Guillen as manager, along with hitting coach Greg Walker & pitching coach Don Cooper won’t fix the real problems with the Chicago White Sox. They are fundamentally bad at the Major League level, and not much better down on the farm. It will take a lot of time, and I’m not sure White Sox fans or management are prepared for the dreaded “r” word…rebuilding. What the Sox should do is forget about 2011, and try to get prospects for Mark Buehrle, Edwin Jackson, Gavin Floyd, Paul Konerko, A.J. Pierzynski, Juan Pierre, Omar Vizquel, Mark Teahen & Carlos Quentin come July at the MLB Trade Deadline. The White Sox have nobody worth calling up down in Charlotte, unless they think Dayan Viciedo is ready right now to replace Quentin in right field, for instance. These are the beginning of long, lean times for the silver & black.

  • Chris in Scottsdale

    Last night, Obama was GOING to release the grisly, uncensored pictures of Bin Laden… but then he woke up this morning and saw White Sox box score and figured that would just be pouring on.


    I realize that Bernsy won’t have time to get to it this afternoon, but the Los Angeles Dodgers have quite a mess on their hands as well, in addition to the Chicago White Sox. Unlike the Sox, there are serious issues in regards to the finances of the Dodger franchise and Frank McCourt believes that Major League Baseball has no business taking over the day-to-day operations of the team. There’s a story in the Los Angeles Times today that suggests that the Dodgers won’t be able to meet payroll for the month of May. The Dodgers’ story is certainly one that can be mentioned in the “Second Half” tomorrow or Friday. It’s nothing like the White Sox, but the Dodgers’ story is far from over and McCourt has made no secret of his threat to sue MLB “Commissioner” Allan H. Selig in hopes of getting back control of the team.

    As for the here & now, I hope Jerry Reinsdorf’s other team, the Bulls, can bounce back and even the East Semis in Game 2 this eve on the West Side. It would behoove the Bulls to shoot the basketball much better from the getgo, better contain Joe Johnson & Jamal Crawford, and play much better defense overall to even the Best-of-7 at a game apiece. The last thing I want to see are these Bulls going down 0-2 to the Hawks with the scene shifting Friday to Atlanta for Game 3 and Game 4 Sunday night. A degree of doubt could creep in if the Bulls lose both of these games to a team I think they are better at basketball than Atlanta.

    • AT3374

      Good points but don’t worry Bulls even this up tonight , ATL gets maybe game 3 or 4 and Bulls win game 5 at home and finish them off in ATL and take on Miami or Boston .

  • Joakim's bong

    Yea, we dropped another. After being no-hit it is a relift to see the Sox manage 2 runs. My question, is why is nobody questioning Kenny?

blog comments powered by Disqus
Daily Weather Reports Delivered To You!SIGN UP NOW: Get daily weather reports every morning from meteorologist Steve Baskerville!
CBS Sports Radio RoundupGet your latest sports talk from across the country.

Listen Live