Controversial Book Asks ‘Is Marriage for White People?’

(CBS) — The single life is a challenge for many people – dating and finding the right romantic partner are not easy. But for one segment of the population, it is even more difficult, according to a new and controversial book.

CBS 2’s Jim Williams takes a look at “Is Marriage for White People?” by Stanford University professor Ralph Richard Banks.

Danielle Smith, 38, and Tiffiney Ross, 29, seem to have it all. They are attractive, well-educated and have successful careers. But we asked them, where are the men?

“That’s what I keep asking myself every day,” Smith said. “I don’t know where they are.”

We wondered what the dating scene was like for Ross.

“There isn’t one,” she said. “I’m dating absolutely no one.”

They are not dating, so chances for marriage seem slimmer.

“I don’t even think about meeting someone,” Smith said. “That’s how disillusioned I’ve become.”

Smith and Ross, both African American, are not unusual according to the book “Is Marriage for White People?”

Stanford University Law professor Ralph Richard Banks writes black women are more than three times as likely to never marry as white women.

Why? Because Banks says the pool of black men available to them is smaller.

“Ten percent of black men are in prison,” Banks said in an interview with CBS 2. “Black men have much higher unemployment rates; much higher school dropout rates than other groups.”

And for black women in the middle class, meeting the right man can be an even bigger challenge.

“Twice as many black women as black men graduate from college and that shapes the relationship market for all of them,” Banks says.

Women like Danielle and Tiffiney say they want to find men who are similar to them.

“I want to spend, you know, time with someone who will talk to me and share my interests,” said Smith.

Banks has what some call a controversial opinion to give black women a better chance of finding a mate. He says they should be open to dating men who are not African American or they could risk facing life alone.

“That means to bypass all the things that one might want to do in life, to accept that one cannot have the home the family and the children and the husband that one wants because black men are doing poorly,” said Banks.

Banks points out another challenge to black women. African American men tend to be more open than black women are to dating outside their race. As for Danielle Smith and Tiffiney Ross, they have differing thoughts on dating men who aren’t black.

“I figure why not be open to it,” said Smith. “Why not try something else?”

Ross is firm about dating and marrying in her race.

“It will happen,” said Ross. “It’s within the realm of possibility for me.”

Williams says that many African American women he has spoken with say even if they’re willing to date outside their race, their experiences have told them many non-black men are not always interested in them.

Still, Banks urges African American women to keep an open mind to increase their chances of finding a suitable partner.

Banks is taking part in a webinar to discuss African American relationships, sponsored by the League of Black Women, on Feb. 7.

More from Jim Williams
  • Keeping it REAL

    what ever ALL RACES have similar issues. GET OVER YOURSELF!!! YOU IGNORANT “person”!

    • Ken

      Who said that black women can only marry black men? The whole premise of this book is racist.

    • methius

      Nigras seem to have the most problems…. or I mean “issues”. That’s the PC way of saying it right?

      • John

        With some exceptions, the African American male is a defunct segment of society. Given to use by compassionate big hearted Democrats.

    • a.barlcya

      Ah,..yah…does anyone address how many black men (when they get sucessful) only date & marry white women as a status symbol??

    • Afro

      2 more reasons black women can find a partner…

      !. Another 20% of those black males are either in the Chicago morgue or cemetery.

      2. They are so ugly as Fred G. Sanford would say “they could stick their face in some cookie dough and make gorilla cookies.”

    • Afro

      Yeah but theres another problem the black man only knows how to take, thats why their all in prison or dead.

    • Tommy Freedom

      Put Michelle Obama on the issue; she will tell us what to do. She will have our President create a Regulation and a Presidential Order for an Equal Marriage Provision in all of our Agencies to ensure that all races have equal marriage rates. It may be necessary to destroy marriages in other races to make them equal.

  • Cephus

    first they say they have a hard time meeting men. then they go into a laundry list of things that are wrong with black men.if I used this method to attract women I’d be dateless forever. successful daters realize romance is about give and take and not something you are entitled to like a job promotion or diploma.

    • luxomni

      No one is “entitled” to a job promotion. You earn it. That is a major problrm with employees today.

      • Nicki

        That may be wrong with what is wrong with black relationships. Maybe the US govt needs to provide Relationship Affirmative Action…. only allow states to issue so many marriage certificates to black men seeking to marry non black women.

      • Sam

        Minorities seem to think that they are entitled to everything, that’s why they have special privileges. Don’t believe me, look at moochelle (got into Princeton with bad grades, got to graduate with worse grades) and hubby chairman chicken (of whom we really don’t know whether or not he really did go to Columbia and Harvard, challenge and you’re “racist”).

        Minorities love to riot for special privileges, but they don’t have the brains to figure out that, in order to be the best you can be, takes hard work and talent, with natural talent above all else.

      • Mike

        You aren’t entitled to a diploma either. That”s a major problem with kids these days.

      • Gman

        Sam you have some serious issues. sounds like you have issue with minorities You need to have your head check asap. And yes..i’m calling you out on this one

  • Chicago News Stories for Jan 26 2012 : Travel tips, hotels, restaurants, jobs and news | Travel 2 Chicago

    […] the first visiting team to win on Chicago’s home floor this season, beating the Bulls 95-90.Controversial Book Asks ‘Is Marriage for White People?’The single life is a challenge for many people – dating and finding the right romantic partner are […]

  • Disgusted with CBS

    What the hell is going on over there at CBS? There were more opinions here this morning, what the hell happened to them? Also, the top story on the main page has no comment section at all. Whoever is supposed to be taking care of things at CBS, isn’t doing a very good job of it!!!! Get on the ball CBS!!!!!

  • ConcernBlkWoman

    Interesting article. Thank you for talking about this subject because it is a huge deal for black women. The thing that I think the author is missing is that the professional educated black men are dating white or Latin women. They don’t even want women of their own race anymore. It’s almost as if a black man hasn’t made it unless he’s been able to go white, Asian, Indian or Latino.

    The author further writes that Black women should date outside their race or risk being alone. He fails to realize that men of other races don’t seem to want black women either!! Have you ever gone on a dating site and looked to see what race is generally always most excluded from the “race seeking” column? It’s almost always ‘African American”…. what’s a black woman to do?

    I agree with one of the women in the story. I’ve about given up on finding a man. Not because I don’t truly desire to have one but because its better than trying and feeling like nothing you do will ever be good enough.

    Instead of saying marriage is for white people only I wish the author had explored the real issues. Marriage isn’t only for white people and to suggest so is inflammatory and designed to sell books. Marriage is for everyone but the reasons why black women seem to more often than not be left in the cold is because of: Black men dating outside their race at even higher rates, Black men not desiring Black women, Black men having higher rates of imprisonment, unemployment and lack of education.

    What should also be discussed is the fact that the media has a part to play in why black women are seen as undesirable by men of all races. Casting directors don’t look to hire attractive black women for film roles or television shows. Often times when they do hire attractive black women it’s the Paula Patton or Halle Berry types. These women aren’t black,they are biracial. But they have become the norm and what men of all races have started to see as Black. Men want Halle Berry black rather than Angela Basset black.

    Biracial isn’t black and even though everyone wants to say it is doesn’t make it true. People may think President Obama is a black man, he is a genetically a biracial man. Furthermore, do you think for second the Black community would have been so in favor of Obama’s bid if he’d married a white women?

    • Gary 1206

      Are you really trhat naive? The reason the article can be titled ” Is Marriage for White People?” is because it can be. Who wouold dare challenge it with any authority?. Enjoy your life flying solo.

      Hey, BTW, aren’t we supposed to be a colorblind society? Just how long have you been a racist?

      • ConcernBlkWoman

        Gary1206, I am not a racist. I agree we should be colorblind but the fact is that we aren’t. I never once stated that people shouldn’t date outside their race. I was simply pointing out that due to racism, stereotyping and other factors black women don’t get a fair shake in the dating game.

        You obviously didn’t read what I wrote objectively and/or with comprehension.

    • KS_Tadpole

      You heard it here first… Barack Obama is not black

      • Count Yob

        Obama had a black father and a white mother. He’s not pure black. He’s not pure white. He was raised by the white side of his family. The father did what a lot of black fathers do – he took off. Yet Obama identifies as black. He married a black woman so his children are more black than him.

        Races can change and evolve over time. Geographic isolation was a major factor in the formation of today’s races. Modern transportation and social changes have temporarily made it somewhat easier for races to mix. As transportation becomes more expensive and difficult when fossil fuels are used up geographic isolation will, once again, move to the fore in the maintenance and development of human races.

    • brilliant thoughts

      I’m a white guy who finds black women attractive. I dated one once and got some pretty nasty reactions from some black men. I’d say these African American women should seek husbands from Nigeria or other parts of Africa. I have known many good educated black men from places like Nigeria and Ghana. Just make sure they aren’t doing it for a green card…

      • ConcernBlkWoman

        BrilliantThoughts, interestingly enough black men often times don’t like it when they see black women with white men or men of other races. It’s not ok for us to do it but we are expected to accept them doing it. It’s def a complex dynamic but not something I care enough about to concern myself with.

        Dating African isn’t the solution though… Africans aren’t black American’s. Their culture is different and often times they don’t even respect black Americans. If you call an African black he’d probably get offended. I can’t speak for every black person but I was taught never to date or marry African growing up because of the way they treat their women. I have a friend who dated an African guy and he treated her like his slave. I finally got to see first hand what my family taught me growing up about them. African is no more black American than Eastern European is white American. Sure it’s all black or white but still not the same.

    • Reality

      I would date a black woman,in fact,I’d like to meet one who really challenges me socially and intellectually.I know they’re out there.I think Whooppi would have been cool to hang out with,regardless of how diametrically opposite we are politically.But that’s just me,and it’s very unpopular with all cultures.

    • Blessed

      Thanks for such an open, honest post, CBW. I feel for your plight but I’d like to share with you that finding a good man isn’t a problem only black women face. I’m white and I too, gave up dating for many years at a stretch. The older I got the more issues single men my age had, making it appear hopeless.

      But I did finally meet and marry a wonderful man, he’s my best friend, actually. Love can happen, and seems to occur when you least expect it. It helps to be open about age differences. If I’d known my husband’s age when we met there never would’ve been a first date; he was younger than I and not just by a couple years. And what a waste that would’ve been to exclude him over such a non-issue! We’ve been married 10 years now. Each day something new happens we can’t wait to share it with the other.

      I’ll put you in my prayers tonight, CBW. Speaking of which, it might behoove you to ask G*d for help on this. I finally did and less than a year later He sent me my husband.

      • ConcernBlkWoman

        Blessed, thanks for the encouraging words. I hope that I’ll find love just in the way you did. I also don’t think for a second that isn’t hard for ALL women to find love. I can, however, only speak to my experience. And the fact is that all my Latino, White and Asian friend are attached while the vast majority of my black friends are not.

        But I’m glad you have found your true love and appreciate the gesture of your prayer.

    • Jack

      ConcernBlkWoman ,
      Very well written response…very thoughtful and accurate! You sound like a good catch…but I bet you are married already:)

      • ConcernBlkWoman

        Thanks Jack. I’m not married but hope to be one day.

    • Stan1026

      I’m a white guy, but frankly, I think the way black women are treated by black men is the single most racist attribute remaining in our society. Having a beautiful blond blue eyed woman on his arm seems to be the greatest status symbol of success for a black man. Yet black men would have never achieved the civil liberties to be successful at all had it not been for the efforts of black women. Quite pathetic, actually. Thats one thing I admire about the president – he selected a beautiful, elegant and sophisticated black women to be his wife, and appears to treat her right.

      • len

        “Having a beautiful blond blue eyed woman on his arm seems to be the greatest status symbol of success for a black man.”

        Isn’t that what’s propped up as the ideal by the mainstream? Black men are just as susceptible to white media propaganda as anyone else. In American culture, White women are held up as the ideal standard of beauty, so how is it shocking that black men want what the media tells them to want? It’s called programming.

      • think again

        The president married a black woman for the same reason he joined a Christian church when he moved to Chicago- that was his route into politics. Who did he date in college?

      • Real Deal

        so, you haven’t seen obama’s white girlfriend?

        guess his media pukes have done their job to keep the public ignorant to his girlfriend as well as his boyfriend

      • ConcernBlkWoman

        Stan1026 – I agree with your comment and think you are right on the money.

    • Honesty

      You seem to blame everyone but the black woman. If black men or other men aren’t desirable of black women, maybe it’s the behavior of the black woman. Just food for thought.

    • vejer

      well,,talk to me sometime,,im open to change

    • Jeremy

      I’m a white man married to a black woman with two beautiful biracial children together. However, race is never even a topic in our household. It’s a shame that so many people want to view everything in terms of race. Anyone who uses race as a barrier to finding a mate may very well be missing out on something great.

      That being said, I do think attitudes are changing in the right direction. It probably depends on what part of the country you live, but I have noticed in the South (especially Atlanta) that interracial relationships/marriages in which the man is white and the woman is black are becoming very common. In my daughter’s 1st grade class of 20 students there are two other children from the same type of interracial marriage (black woman/white man) in addition to her.

      Nobody needs to be alone, but if they create artificial barriers to companionship then they are only hurting their own chances.

      • Daisy

        Jeremy, It’s interesting that you’ve chosen the one thing in my comment which you can misconstrue into something that has personally to do w/you and not reply to the major content of my comment.

        Incidentally, my use of the word ‘settle’ had to do w/what the woman said in the interview. As a woman I understand what the word ‘settle’ means. And it’s not something I would do as a single woman. Therefore, I’m married to an exceptionally high caliber man. Moreover, I married a man w/a far different religious background than I have. Trust me, we talk and create understanding.

        If you think that married people from different backgrounds don’t need to talk about the issues that can arise from their differing backgrounds, you are naive. Moreover, if you think that the black community is not deeply riddled w/problems, you are flagrantly in denial of reality.

        Nevertheless, I’m glad you’re happy.

      • James

        Good comment, Jeremy. I’m white and have dated women of all races including black. If some white men can’t see the beauty of black women or other ethnicities, then they’re missing out.

    • Casper

      Stop with your obssession with race! It is the Progressive’s deliberate destruction of the ‘Black’ family for the last 100 years that is the problem. 70% of black children born into ‘families’ with no father. Since there is or never has been a woman capable of properly teaching a boy how to be a man, is it any surprise that our society is crumbling?

    • FD

      I date Angela Basset and I am a white guy. To me it seems like most want to stay within thier race. I would rather find the right person for me and as long as we share the same values and are attracted to eachother then it could be anyone of any color.

      • ConcernBlkWoman

        FD, I can’t speak for everyone else but I don’t desire to stay within my race. I have dated men of ALL races and would marry a man regardless of his race.

        The problem I have is that often times men of other races aren’t open mined enough to date black woman. YOU have dated a black woman but how many of your friends would do it? I would guess that not many… you probably don’t even know what your friends or family truly feel about your dating a black person. This wouldn’t be an issue at all for black women if men of other races dated black women in equal numbers but the fact is that they don’t. Just because you are exception doesn’t mean the rule changes.

    • Bill E Bob

      Unfortunately, I think you’re probably spot on, Ma’am, and I’m 59, White, and male. Good luck to you.

    • AnthonyRobinson

      Concerned Black Woman,

      Thanks for your thoughtful comment on this topic.

      I’m an educated black man who married an educated (and strong!) black woman. While I dated a few non-black women in college, I conscientiously chose to marry within my race and to have children. While non-blacks might describe my decision as “racist,” I chose to marry black because the African-American community is desperately in need of successful, non-athlete black role models. (We also believed that we should stay in “the Hood” to set a good example, but we moved to the suburbs when we began to fear for our childrens’ safety.)

      Across all races in the US, the least fit to survive are reproducing at a rate far faster than those most fit to survive. This is strikingly true in our community… and if you play out the trend over a few generations, it is frightening to think of the consequences.

      I wish all the African American women reading this article happiness. Marry black if you can, and have kids, because the world is in desperate need of more Cosbys and Obamas. But if no compatible black man is your equal, I share the author’s recommendation to be open to another race.

      “Mommylinda” has good advice below. I would add that you should consider dating sites, particularly a site like eHarmony, where prospective dates are far more likely to consider the whole you rather than just your skin color.

      • Jack

        Very Racist….Why is it so important to procreate children in your own image? I married outside my race and have 2 great children. You are really hung up on the wrong things. Your “people” will reject you and then hate you and then kill you because you think you are superior to them and are “slumming” it to help the “poor uneducated blacks”. You should be your own person and live your own life and let your life be the example you leave. I imagine you are 28-35 years old. I to thought like you, since I made it from poverty to get educated and then successful, others in similar positions as I was would look at me and say “I want to be like him” and work hard and impove their lives…but all they do is resent you. So you live and learn and if you found a great wife of the same race…great…but to think it is your responsibility to maintain the black race…well, that is so medieval. I truly hope you overcome your racial hang-ups as you mature…no insult intended. PS: Obama is what you said you feared…he is biracial, not black. So if he is a role model to the black community, then if you married a wonderful like minded white woman, Couldn’t your children also be role models?

      • Count Yob

        @AnthonyRobinson wrote: “Across all races in the US, the least fit to survive are reproducing at a rate far faster than those most fit to survive. This is strikingly true in our community… and if you play out the trend over a few generations, it is frightening to think of the consequences.”

        William Shockley, the co-inventor of the transistor, noted that the less intelligent were reproducing at a higher rate and referred to it as a “dysgenic” effect, the opposite of eugenic. Shockley was attacked for his position but he wasn’t necessarily wrong, just politically incorrect.

      • Casper

        Please stop with all of this narcicism. The concern is not who we should marry or ‘be with’ We are ignoring the problem, which is the lack of concern and downright neglect of children…. boys especially. Unfortunately, we live in a ‘me-first’ society.

      • Kate

        The world doesn’t need anymore Obamas.

      • AnthonyRobinsonRACIST

        You’re a racist. Well spoken, yes, but still a racist.

      • ConcernBlkWoman

        Hi Anthony, I have tried eharmony but didn’t meet anyone that I was interested in pursuing a relationship. Besides skin color, especially in the Midwest, is ALWAYS a factor regardless of where people meet. To try and say it isn’t is simply an illusion. All you have to do is look at all the racists comments on this board.

        While I appreciate your comments I don’t necessarily agree with marrying black and/or having children just for the sake of promoting positive examples for black youth and the black community. There are other ways to accomplish that such as community service or mentoring.

        I agree that we need more Cosby/Obama types but also think there are plenty already. It’s just that the lower socioeconomic class is larger and due to poverty, criminal activity and lack of education they garner most of the attention from the mainstream media. I am a educated professional (MA level) and my friends of all races are on the same level. The difference between us all is that the white and Latino women are marring and having children. My black friends are more often than not single. Most of my black male friends are single as well but the few that are involved are with non-black women. Do I begrudge them? No… My original essay was to simply point out is that black women don’t have a fair shot in the dating game. We aren’t alone as it’s been proven that Asian men have just as much trouble as we do. But I don’t wish to get off topic…

        The point is that the Obama “types” of black people aren’t marrying or having children. Very few of my professional black friends have children or are married. The ones reproducing out of wedlock are the ones in the hood who live off the government, are unmotivated, under educated. People outside the black community aren’t willing to admit it but there ARE two black America’s. There’s the Obama America and the Ghetto America (for lack of a better term). How do you survive when white America sees you as one black America no matter how much different you are? And how do we stop Ghetto America from producing out of wedlock children and get Obama America to start marrying and having children? I talked to a couple of friends last night and we were just saying how we’ve purposely NOT had children to avoid being the stereotypical single black mother with a child.

      • AnthonyRobinson

        Look – I don’t think it’s narcissistic to take seriously the responsibility of trying to be a role model. Yes, people may resent you if you try to lead your life as a role model (ask Tim Tebow). But my mother taught me an important lesson: Do It Anyway. If people resent you for escaping poverty, it’s likely because you are flaunting your wealth. Of course people will resent you if you’re just a white collar version of a football player who drives his Escalade through his old neighborhood a few times a year. But I know that people take notice when you drive a family sedan to church in your old community every Sunday and when you interact with them with dignity and respect.

        I respect the choice of bi-racial couples. My choice was to marry a black woman who shared my life experience, values, and view of our responsibility to success and be role models. As CountYob points out, the truth is often not very PC. My view is that people are essentially tribal, regardless of what anti-discrimination laws are on the books. I have a good friend who is Jewish, and I have had conversations with him about why Jewish people are so disproportionately successful. His short answer was that Jewish people marry their own and take care of their own. His long answer was to refer me to an excellent book entitled “The Jewish Phenomenon: Seven Keys to the Enduring Wealth of a People.” I believe it could be a blueprint for turning around the African-American community.

        I’ll just say that I don’t agree with Obama’s policies either. But, Kate, you have no idea how powerful it is for black children to see a black family in the White House. I’m completely aligned with successful bi-racial people. I just fear that if the trend continues, most successful black people in a few generations will only be 12.5% or 25% or 50% black, and that people will come to view black as a negative, recessive trait that these people somehow overcome.

    • Daisy

      ConcernBlkWoman, It seems to me that a basic part of the problem is that the only black people who want to even consider marriage are college educated/professional. And, as the author points out, far more black women have college degrees than black men. Compounding this, it appears that well educated/employed black men prefer to marry white/Latino women. So, the necessary changes are not going to occur w/in this sector. And, the Professor from Stanford is wrong: Black women need not settle for marrying outside their race. Instead, black people need to demand that all marriageable members of their race marry. Marriage itself needs to become valued within the whole of the black community.

      The situation needs to be corrected from the ground up and the people guiding the correction need to be better educated black people demanding better standards from less socially cultivated black people .

      If uneducated black women were to uphold marriage as a practical moral value and not have children w/multiple men (effectively, unfathered children) then the dire state of affairs w/in the black community would most certainly change for the better. And it would begin to change within one generation.

      Educated black people need to hold the right parties responsible for the demise of their marriage market: uneducated blacks unwilling to marry and the Democrat politicians who prefer to cultivate destructive dependency in exchange for votes.

      • len

        Care to site a source for your statement that “…it appears that well educated/employed black men prefer to marry white/Latino women”

        According to the US Census 97% of married black men are married to black women. Just because you see something on tv doesn’t mean that it’s the norm. How many black people do actually even know? Pfft.

      • lukuj

        You are right on the money. I certainly hope that your welll-thought out comment is not labelled as racist in order to try to make it seem. invalid. Black men have to want to change before this situation gets better. No one can do it for them or legislate it for them or create a government program to eliminate the problem.

      • Jeremy

        Daisy, why is marrying outside your race “settling?” I don’t agree with that at all. Wouldn’t you agree that love, friendship, attraction, trust, etc. are the important elements we should seek in a companion? These things are all independent of race, so why should we allow race to be an arbitrary obstacle to finding a partner?

      • ConcernBlkWoman

        Jeremy, I couldn’t agree more with your statement. I don’t think a black woman marrying outside her race is settling. I would be more than happy to marry a man of ANY race.

        As stated, in my original comment my problem is that I have found (recently) that it’s increasingly harder to find a man of ANY race that is willing to date a black woman. I’ve had black men tell me that they don’t typically date black women for a variety of reasons and often times men of other races will date you because of curiosity or the desire to “sample” something different but marriage is never on the table.

        But unlike some of the racist or closed minded comments posted here mine isn’t meant to discriminate. I think people should be able to be with anyone they chose regardless of race, sexual preference or whatever else. The issue I was raising was that men of other races often times don’t prefer black women and with so many black men choosing partners outside their race often times that leaves a black woman with no options.

    • JByrd42

      I am a white man who finds many black women attractive. There are good men out there of all colors. Just keep your eyes open.

      • daryl d duke

        As a W/M you have to be on guard about spouting off and using the wrong words. But that the way it is.

      • ConcernBlkWoman

        Yes, JB, I agree that there are good men of all races because I have dated some pretty good men of different races. I appreciate the encouragement and positivity.

    • Afro


      It doesn’t matter how much mud is in the water it is still muddy water so all you mud people that think your white, you’re not and neither is the one occupying the Whitehouse

    • AnthonyRobinson

      Concerned Black Woman,

      I’m sorry I posted before I had a chance to read your most recent comment.

      I agree with you about prevalent stereotypes about black women, but I’m confident that you’ll find a man who appreciates and loves you for who you are. You’re probably fed up with unsolicited advice, but I’ll echo someone’s sentiment about not dismissing “someone who works with his hands.” One of my best from high school didn’t go to college simply because he felt an obligation to begin immediately taking care of his mother and his younger siblings. I read somewhere that education level is the most predictive factor in who marries who… but don’t write off people simply because they don’t have a white-collar job or a Master’s degree.

      Yes, there is an Obama or “Hard-Working Black America” outside of the “Ghetto Black America.” I think it’s important for those of us in hard-working black America to have real dialogue about what it takes to turn the Ghetto around.

      But take care of you first before you worry about the community. If you want kids, but can’t find a man good enough for you, then have kids.

      Keep your head up. ;-)

    • Gman

      I am so tired of hearing about this ratting. I agree that there are far too many black men incarcerated, unemployed. However, the decision that we make are our own. The reason for the high incarceration rate is because black men choose to go down that route and choose to “sling” and wear pants that I can put a gallon of milk in and still have room for another gallon. My family was born and raised on the west side of Chicago which we call “K” town. We refuse to give in and be the statistic of not wanting a good education and career. My mother and farther work and sometime had to get welfare to survive. We knew what hard times meant so we did our best to move ahead.
      Now that we have work our butts we are look down on as not wanting to marry someone in our race. I was married for 11 years to a black woman and let me tell you I tried from A to Z to keep things together. Since I was in school and working a full time job and binging every penny home to the family wasn’t good enough. So I was kick “thrown” to the curb. After my divorce I raised all four of my children by myself. No woman was needed and I happy and proud to say that all four of them “3 boys and 1 girl” have complete college and graduate school. So don’t tell me what a black man can and can’t do. I’ve never seen the inside of a jail and don’t want to. And encase you are wondering I did try to date a black woman and none of them wanted to be bother with me and my children.
      I’m married now to a wonderful Korean woman who I met while working at the same company together. We have been married for 18 years now. She’s been there when I was making less than $10K a year and now that I make $100K a year she is still by my side.
      One more thing, each one of my kids are making over 80K a year. Not bad for a father who raises his kids by his self and refuse to buck to the easy way out.

  • logicalconclusion

    …a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle

    • J Streeter

      Actually she was quoting Gloria Steinham the destroyer of a generation of American families

    • Htos1

      LOVE that album,er,cd!

    • irina dunn

      the ‘great society’ has deemed men irrelevant, they are not needed. The government has been sold as the answer, providing support as a parent or husband with it’s programs. As such, men don’t feel obligated to stay with children and mother – the government is there to care. Now flush with free time, a lack of role models, and hanging around with like-minded individuals, they tend to do something dumb and end up on the wrong end of the law. Feminism’s promise was that a woman can have everything….men will oblige, by leaving. The woman then has it all – the children, the bills, the responsibility

    • tc

      I understand the woman/fish part, but what’s with the man/bicycle?

    • Casper

      There, I rest my case. Not a speck of logic in your statement. A woman may not ‘need’ a man, but a boy certainly does!

    • Joe Doakes

      A man needs a woman like a nail gun in the head.


      • Cindy

        Don’t be so upset Joe, logicalconclusion was quoting a U2 song.

      • artemis133

        Actually, I believe that quote comes from Gloria Steinem.

  • New York Nick

    ““Ten percent of black men are in prison,” Banks said in an interview with CBS 2. “Black men have much higher unemployment rates; much higher school dropout rates than other groups.””

    So attractive huh? That doesn’t stop them from having kids with these ‘bums’ she speaks of since 70% of that community’s children are fatherless.

    • black man jones

      maybe black women shouldnt mother children out of wedlock. dont open your legs until you have that ring on your finger. i used to have empathy for black women, because they truly are mothering this shrinking race, but… you give an inch you give a mile. just the tip, they go balls deep.

      • ConcernBlkWoman

        Black man Jones, I haven’t had a child out of wedlock. I agree that too many women allow themselves to get pregnant without being married.

        But why is that women should close their legs? How come you did’t say that the black men should step up and TAKE CARE OF THEIR CHILDREN???

        Furthermore, have you NOT dropped your pants until that ring was presented???

    • Cindy

      We’re talking about college-educated black women here, and they’re not the ones typically having kids out of wedlock.

      • Robea

        They’re the ones who are not having kids, period.

      • ConcernBlkWoman

        Cindy, you are correct. That is who I was referring to… college educated black women.

        Robea, you are also correct professional blacks (men and women) who are unmarried are not having children. I am in my early 30s and non of my professional black friends, male or female, have children. Personally, I have made a conscious choice NOT to be statistic. I refuse to be an unmarried, single black mother. Becoming a single parent because of divorce or one thing but getting pregnant out of wedlock is something entirely different. I am intelligent and will never allow a man to put me in such a vulnerable position.

  • FactsofLife

    It’s time for the black community to discuss the breakdown of the family more openly and honestly. This article is somewhat misleading when it states the reasons black women cannot find suitable mates: in prison, high unemployment, high dropout rate. It makes it sound as if these are the causes of the breakdown of the black family, when in truth it’s the other way around: the breakdown of the black family has led to higher incarceration rates among blacks, less employment and education opportunities for blacks, lower lifetime income for blacks, etc. Until and unless the black community is willing to discuss the real reasons the family unit has broken down, black women will continue finding it difficult to find a worthy partner. 72% of African-American babies are born to single mothers, and research shows that no other single factor is more likely to lead to poverty and prison time than being raised with no father in the home. Black men need to step up and take responsibility for the children they father, and black women need to take responsibility for their promiscuity and use birth control (and abortion is not birth control).

    • j Streeter

      There is no such place as the “black community” unless you mean the place where black people live untill they can afford to live where the white people are. Unfortunately for them, once they move to where the white people are, the white people leave. It appears that nobody wants to live where black people live, including black people.

      • EarlA

        So, they are always the vidtims, eh? Maybe that is the problem. Take some accountability and responsibility and that will lead to dignity.

      • J Streeter

        If you want to see the real “victims” google “black on white crime’. There are your victims.

    • Truth on the march

      Don’t you good blacks know what time it is?Its too late in the day. Believe it or not, young blacks lawlessness has given the far right all the ammo they need to round up the gangstas for good. Good blacks have allowed for a few teenage hoodlums to utterly define them all, and said nothing about correcting it.

      • Omar

        “Good blacks have allowed for a few teenage hoodlums to utterly define them all, and said nothing about correcting it.

        Mayor Nutter had a few choice words, as I recall. So did Cosby. . . .But the race hucksters (Jackson, Rev. Al) are just worthless.

    • Daisy

      Completely agree, FactsofLife.

    • ConcernBlkWoman

      FactsofLife, I agree. And I think professional, educated black women have stopped having children out of wedlock. I’m not talking about the blacks in the hood. I have not had children out of wedlock and never would. My black professional friends haven’t either.

      I agree that Black men do need to step up as well.

  • bidderdone

    Ross is firm about dating and marrying in her race.

    Is Racist? What if a white person said this?

    • James

      I have to agree with you. I’m totally offended by this article. It is completely racist, even the title.

    • the sane one

      Answer: If a white person said this they’s be called “RACIST!!”, just as James called Ms Ross racist.

      How about, IT Is Her CHOICE?!?! To heck with calling every other move by someone “racist”. If she wants to marry someone of her own race, Its her own Choice. If she doesn’t want to ever eat shrimp, Its her own CHOICE. If she only wants to drive American made vehicles, Its her own CHOICE.

      If I only want to marry someone who is not Irish, its MY CHOICE. If I never want to go to NYC, its MY CHOICE. If I don’t like to eat collard greens, its MY CHOICE. If I only watch college footbal and not the NFL, its MY CHOICE

      This is still a free country, where we are allowed to make personal choices. “Tolerance” and “diversity” and “Political correctness” are total BS concepts designed to mask what anyone might really feel or choose or THINK.

      Let Ms Ross and anyone else make their own choices without calling them names. This is America; she’s allowed to choose what she prefers, and she doesn’t need to give anyone any reason or rationale.

  • Jon Galt

    Jeez, sometimes people are so stupid I wish I were a goat or a squirrel

    How about who cares about your race? If two people are into each other then give it a shot. Life is short.
    It seems like less of a big deal as time goes by anyway. Besides, if we all took DNA tests we would probably find a little of everything anyway.

    • Annie

      Jon, I love you! That’s exactly what I was thinking, Fellow Squirrel.

    • Afro

      You 2 may as well be squirrels you already have the brains for it

  • NYC

    Not only are black men doing poorly, but let’s be real, black women aren’t doing so great either. The two in this article are obviously the exceptions. Too many black women are fat, unattractive, unfashionable, angry, speak like they can’t even handle simple ebonics, let alone proper English…so the black men that actually don’t end up in jail and make something of themselves, really have very, very little to choose from as far as black women go.

    And many beautiful black women who are thin/in shape, articulate, well dressed and groomed, and who are decent women, deliberately go out with whites or other non-blacks because they feel they are too good for black men (and they’re really right).

    Unfortunately, most black men AND women just aren’t worth dating to the ones that are actually decent.

  • Robert Vaughan

    I am very concerned for this generation. I have six children. Two have graduated and are doing will. I have had such a wonderful marriage that I hate to see my children unmarried. My beautiful and successful daughter wouild like to get married. My son has a girl friend and we accept that but with hesitation. I like the commitment. I like even the thought that my wife and I are married. I want my children to have wonderful marriage and even babies. I long to hold a grand child in my arms. And, we are white. It can only be worse for the black wanna be grand parents.

    • ConcernBlkWoman

      RobertV, my mom has stopped asking about grandchildren altogether. I hope that your children will find mates and that they will make you a grandma one day. It is indeed hard for all people in this day and age and I never meant to imply that it wasn’t.

  • James

    Racism much?

  • Brad D

    It seems the pool of quality Black men is preemptively reduced by abortion – over 80% of Black babies are compassionately murdered every year.

    • Daisy

      Horrendous, and true.

    • Kate

      Margaret Sanger’s dream has come true. The racist.

  • James Smith

    I am 56 and still married to and love the woman I married when I was 22. My three children, the youngest is 29, are all married. I am white. Is this racist? No. Is it cultural? Probably.

  • mommylinda

    Get to church, ladies. It is more important to share values than an educational level. If you a smart, educated, successful woman in her 30’s and not married, you need to expand your territory a little bit.
    Some tips:

    1. Eat breakfast out at a typical breakfast place, like Denny’s. The working guys are there early, and having a job is a definite requirement. Go between 6-7 AM. If you go earlier, you will get the bar crowd. Go later and it will be the married retirees.
    2. Don’t go to art galleries and poetry readings expecting to meet a guy. Attend the Robotics Club meeting or enroll in the HVAC class at the Community College. These are the nerdy guys who are awkward with girls, but they usually have passable educations and pretty good jobs. All they need is a good woman in their lives.
    3. Do not ever dismiss a guy who works with his hands. He might not have a college degree, but that does not mean that he is not intelligent or well read. He might even make more money than the typical college graduate.
    4. Meet guys through family and friends. This is still the best way to find someone.
    5. Ask you parents for help. If I had to pick spouses for my 2 children, I would pick the ones they have. I tell our son that if he and his wife ever get divorced, we get custody of his wife. Mom and Dad might know someone but are afraid to “interfere”. They love you and would never hurt you, so give them permission to look for you. There is something to be said in favor of arranged marriages, not for 15 year olds, but for women in their 30’s
    6. Connect with a cause. Nothing is more attractive than the passion you develop for the poor, homeless, youngsters, the elderly or another cause.
    7. Again, I say. Go to church. You might be surprised. You can find God and let him lead you the right way.

    • Blessed

      AMEN, MommyLinda! What an upbeat, dynamic post.

    • Htos1


    • Bill E Bob

      You got it. If you both share the same values and the values are good ones, all else takes care of itself.

    • Daisy

      You’re a smart cookie, mommylinda :)

  • John

    A fine point that many blacks miss, the book is about blacks and dating, but for some reason, instead of saying hispanic, chinese, indian, the author focuses on white people. Look, a white person is NOT causing your problem, it is just that simple. Think about it. Think long and hard about it. If you think there is a color problem, good for you, think about it and figure it out. Whites, as far as I can tell here, do not give a d*mm about color. Seriously, so stop telling us to care about it. Thanks in advance. Now change the title to something like “Why are blacks having problems dating?” and leave it at what it is about, it’s not about white people.

    • James

      Good comment!

  • walter12

    This is all because most of the black kids in this country grow up without a father. Most do not even know who their father is. Then, they in turn, do the same thing over again, and so on. The leftists in this nation have destroyed the black family in the last 50 years.

  • Annie

    Why restrict yourself to race? I’m married to a great Latino, going on 30 years now.

    It’s sad that people still put up a race barrier.

    Love knows no color.

  • Paul in FL

    Black women are not physically attractive to most white men. Sad for black women, but true. Women often like to move up the musculature/physicality/sexuality chain, which goes Asian-Caucasian-African. Men generally don’t.

    • Hugh Betcha

      @Paul in FL …. The IQ chain goes in the exact opposite sequence, which probably explains most of the Black race’s problems.

      • Ham Slice

        Damn! You beat me to it….

    • G.Etherington.

      I’m white Brit and am happily married to a beautiful, elegant black woman for 18 years. We have 3 wonderful chilldren. You obviously need some grotesque carthasis from bad-mouthing people,but you certainly don’t speak for me or any other wm who actually know something abt bw.

  • MarkJ

    Re: Is marriage for white people?

    Has it ever crossed the authors’ minds that this is what happens when the government thinks it can be a better husband, father, and provider than anybody else?

    This is the legacy of the welfare state that Obama thinks is so swell: broken families, poverty, and black women who often have to “marry down” if they wish to marry at all.

  • JustAGuy

    Ralph Richard Banks.! You piece of work! Open your eyes! You wanna know the fault here? Lyndon Johnson D Texas! That’s who! Prior to Johnson, there was pervasive societal racism in the country. Johnson’s cure is just as poisonous as the disease (of racism), just in a different way! The sad fact is Black Americans embraces this poisonous pill and loved it until it practically destroyed us as a people!


    I could go into great detail of the fallout from Johnson’s Great Society, but I’ve said enough already.

    Oh yea, you know what President Johnson said about the Voting Right’s Act?

    “I’ll have those ni**ers voting Democratic for the next 200 years”

    You wanna know the cure for all this! BAN THE DEMOCRAT PARTY!

    Do it for the children!

    • Casper

      To just a guy, I get so damned depressed and discouraged sometimes, and then I come across your post. You, singlehandedly, restore my faith in my fellow Am’ericans. You could be purple with yellow polka-dots for all I care. Someone’s skin color has never been a determining factor for anything in my life, but it puts a smile on my face to learn that you speak from experience concerning the ‘black’ race. Too often, young blacks can be as ignorant and dangerously stupid as whites concerning society’s obligation to correcting society’s injustices in history, yet the most intelligent responses ever come directly from you (as a subject of the current topic) and some others like Thomas Sowell, Walter E. Williams, Shelby Steele,, and many others. Bravo, bro. Well said ,indeed.

    • The New Order

      You must be Clarence Thomas.

      • kellyj

        Yeah. A highly educated and literate man who reached the very pinacle of his proffession. A man who would be an OUTSTANDING role model for any child, but especially young black boys. Instead you get criminals like Tupac held up as the role model.

      • JustAGuy

        @The New Order,

        WRONG! Care to offer an intelligent response this time?

    • Climp Jones

      I couldn’t agree more. LBJ has done more damage to Blacks than anyone on record. Talk about social engineering.

  • Fiscal Conservative

    How do you break the cycle? Many of these black men grow up without men in their lives to show them how real men should act. A little self-discipline, hard work and perseverance can go a long way. Ending the drug war would help as well. Locking someone up for a non-violent drug offense doesn’t help the person, their family or their community.

  • ron300

    I read an article a couple of years are about this same topic, but they had some numbers to go along with it. The numbers are 17% of White women marry Black men. And oddly enough 17% of White men marry Asian women. The two groups that are being left out are the Black women and the Asian men. The problem is those two groups just don’t, in my opinion, seem like a good match, but its better than living alone…well maybe not!

    • bob

      LOL You must have pulled that number out of your ax. There are hardly enough married black men or Asian women for those numbers to work out. Asian women are 2.5% of the US population. White men are over 30% of the US population. So 200% of Asian women married white men. Therefore, there are no marriages between Asians in the entire US

    • GFR

      Umm, are you sure that’s true? There are six times as many White women in the US as Black men which would mean that (17% x 6 = 102%) 102% of all black men who get married marry White women. Of course if they were polygamous that wouldn’t apply…

      • Bogus #s

        yep, those numbers of ron300 are bogus.

  • John

    Here, watch this: “Is Marriage for Chinese People?”. Or how about this: “Is Marriage for Indian People?”. Or even if you can consider it, “Is Marriage for Hispanic People?”

    See how ridiculous the title of the book is? It’s not even about white, chinese, hispanic, or indian people, but the author just has to drag in white people to sell a book about blacks.

    God, when will blacks stop race baiting whites?

    • bob

      Race baiting is the most profitable industry for blacks without athletic or rapping skillz

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